Another Love-help-thread
<div class="IPBDescription">How to kill feelings?</div> Normally I would not open up a thread like this. But my clan tried to help me, it couldn't, and I can't ask anyone in reallife cause everything is conencted in bad ways. OK here's the deal:
First, I want to make clear that, for me, there is clear seperation between feelings and the mind.
Now, my problem: There is this real cute and 1 3 3 7 h4xor girl (you know what kind of girl I'm talking about, don't you?). My feelings tell me: Get this girl! Now, my mind comes in. It tells me that because of for example my physical situation, my lack of being able to communicate with people in reallife or the other people's opinions I am not able to make this girl happy. But it is not like the normal "OMG I wpn't be enough for her!" problem. I myself see myself seperated from the humans around me, like a different state, with a status quo connection. I think it would be RUDE to even trieing to talk to her about my feelings, or coming too close to her. I see me / the others / this girls as seperate groups of life (I don't even regard me human <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif'><!--endemo--> ), and intercations on some special levels (feelings...) would lead to a massive chaos taking the life of myself and of other people, devouring, devastating it. Believe me, I tried to get over the "I am not worthy problem", without succes. For your information: In my head, there are 3 parties:
1) The feelings
2) My mind/ fused with Satan, my own special demon living in my head [don't ask <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo--> ]
3) The "I" of myself, that writes this stuff here.
So, because of the trouble between 1) and 2), 3) is in a disastreous situation. The diffrences and struggles between 1)+2) tear it apart, slowly, but surely. 2) Gets affected by this, and I am getting more and more depressive everytime I see her. At the moment I try to help myself with little "gifts" for her, like help at homework (via ICQ, not reallife), or a short conversation at school to help her understand stuff we learn there. The real life contact makes me very VERY depressive, which leads to the currently highest and worst step of help I can give me myself: Pain. Currently I only hit my head with a chair, or with books, or anything hard enough to cause pain on impact. I was thinking about suicide, stand in front of the wide opened window or with the knife in my hand: I couldn't do it. I'm not brave enough, so this is not an option [so no need to get me off suicide, just mentionend it to show how far it has come already]
So, the only, last solution I can think of is to loose my feelings towards her. But HOW can this be achieved?
I am desperately waiting for a solution, I feel worse every day, but I go to bed now, I need sleep, so I won't reply fast. Since some weeks ago my head is fileld up with crazy BS about this love thing, I only got about 3 hours a day for sleeping since then. At school I was like A+ in all except sports and art, but these good notes are becoming worse, cause I am sleepy all the time, can't concentrate on anything]
[I'm 17, so no way of moving away or such]
First, I want to make clear that, for me, there is clear seperation between feelings and the mind.
Now, my problem: There is this real cute and 1 3 3 7 h4xor girl (you know what kind of girl I'm talking about, don't you?). My feelings tell me: Get this girl! Now, my mind comes in. It tells me that because of for example my physical situation, my lack of being able to communicate with people in reallife or the other people's opinions I am not able to make this girl happy. But it is not like the normal "OMG I wpn't be enough for her!" problem. I myself see myself seperated from the humans around me, like a different state, with a status quo connection. I think it would be RUDE to even trieing to talk to her about my feelings, or coming too close to her. I see me / the others / this girls as seperate groups of life (I don't even regard me human <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif'><!--endemo--> ), and intercations on some special levels (feelings...) would lead to a massive chaos taking the life of myself and of other people, devouring, devastating it. Believe me, I tried to get over the "I am not worthy problem", without succes. For your information: In my head, there are 3 parties:
1) The feelings
2) My mind/ fused with Satan, my own special demon living in my head [don't ask <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo--> ]
3) The "I" of myself, that writes this stuff here.
So, because of the trouble between 1) and 2), 3) is in a disastreous situation. The diffrences and struggles between 1)+2) tear it apart, slowly, but surely. 2) Gets affected by this, and I am getting more and more depressive everytime I see her. At the moment I try to help myself with little "gifts" for her, like help at homework (via ICQ, not reallife), or a short conversation at school to help her understand stuff we learn there. The real life contact makes me very VERY depressive, which leads to the currently highest and worst step of help I can give me myself: Pain. Currently I only hit my head with a chair, or with books, or anything hard enough to cause pain on impact. I was thinking about suicide, stand in front of the wide opened window or with the knife in my hand: I couldn't do it. I'm not brave enough, so this is not an option [so no need to get me off suicide, just mentionend it to show how far it has come already]
So, the only, last solution I can think of is to loose my feelings towards her. But HOW can this be achieved?
I am desperately waiting for a solution, I feel worse every day, but I go to bed now, I need sleep, so I won't reply fast. Since some weeks ago my head is fileld up with crazy BS about this love thing, I only got about 3 hours a day for sleeping since then. At school I was like A+ in all except sports and art, but these good notes are becoming worse, cause I am sleepy all the time, can't concentrate on anything]
[I'm 17, so no way of moving away or such]
Comments
but never-the-less, its your loss <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->.
*EDIT* Sometimes the best move is not to play
Ask her out!
case in point (actually, in general): If there's this girl i like, i can never work up the nerve to say something that would start off a relation, which leads to the inevitable: being friends.
That, and the realization that my life is going down the tubes combines in the load of sh1tzor. yippee.
Go and do it. If you don't, at least you'll no longer have the feeling (maybe in two months or more. if you're lucky, that is. It kinda sorta worked for me.)
Stop making up dopey reasons to explain why you're embarassed. The fact that you're embarassed means you like her. You're no different from anyone else. Just freaking ask her out. There's no issue here except for the crap you're making up, sorry to be blunt.
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->I wanted to talk to her several time now, but I COULD NOT. My mind and Satan held me back. It was like being mind controlled.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
No, Satan has nothing to do with it. None. Nada. <i>You're embarassed about talking to a girl you really like. There is nothing more to it than that.</i> It's a perfectly normal and human reaction. You're not being mind controlled. And do you seriously think that Satan (if you believe that he exists) has nothing better to do with his time than sit in your head and mess up your relationships for you?
Sry about that....
Ok, ummm, I find that the best way to interact with a women is if you have to accomplish a second priority, like if you have a camera ask her for a picture or if you have a lab to do and need to experiement on her hair, and maybe feet for fungus, hell even the tensity of her skin. Whatever just say, "YO ADRIANNNE....PAE?"
Stop making up dopey reasons to explain why you're embarassed. The fact that you're embarassed means you like her. You're no different from anyone else. Just freaking ask her out. There's no issue here except for the crap you're making up, sorry to be blunt. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
That's the sad thing.
For those of us incapable of successfully communicating with the opposite sex for the goal of...sex...such is not always possible.
When it comes down I think it's just a matter of self esteem. If you have low ego, you don't have the guts to ask. Hmm, i better find a psychiatrist or something. (hopefully he doesn't tell me "The first thing you need to do is face the fact that you will never get laid in your life.")
Self Esteem...a pessimist with the likes of me...who needs it?
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->And do you seriously think that Satan (if you believe that he exists) has nothing better to do with his time than sit in your head and mess up your relationships for you? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
ooh, touche.
ROFLSOUP
ok
firstly hey woddup
rght...
if you like the girll... dont let anyone or anything tlel you your not good enough for her.. hell you may come out looking like a **** but you would have tried right? i mean.. down the line you could have a future with any girl you like.. so you gotta give it a shot with whoever right?
Does anybody know what I am going to say?!!
Well, Im not going to......
I'll SHOW IT!!
<img src='http://www.desertrockpromotions.com/coollinks/jagermeister.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image'>
Kills all feelings, especially those in your legs and fingers. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I would work on this problem first......
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I would work on this problem first...... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
yeah me too, Y aknow what, whats your PO Box, Area Code, Adress and phone number? I can send my dad out, hes a evangilist pastor :-p
But realloy I sorta have the same problem <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo--> it sucks ****
If you connected yourself to Satan and he's holding you back, turn to the light.
Not trying to Bible thump, but God is always willing to accept people.
If you connected yourself to Satan and he's holding you back, turn to the light.
Not trying to Bible thump, but God is always willing to accept people. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
No offense, but Satan is not the source of this guy's problems. He's a perfectly normal young man trying to find an explanation for why he's acting so wierd.
I too had the same problem throughout most of high-school, having a crush on a girl (not just a normal crush where i'd like to just shag, but like I could envision a future of us together). I never asked her out because I too have a deep seated fear of rejection. It wasn't until i got to college I got over it.
My suggestions:
If you have her ICQ, start becoming friends with her by just asking her questions online, but you have to realize that you can't tell her everything about yourself.
Try talking to her in/between classes. If she doesn't respond, try again at a later point.
Try to take classes (if you can) that are similar to hers. Become an acquaintance.
the last thing, Ask her out on like the last day before vacation so that if she says no you don't have to put up with her.
As to the last thing, there was a girl on campus that I liked and so I finally asked her out. Shortest relationship ever. It was very nice but...luckily because it's a campus I can avoid her now.
Guess what ? Do it anyways !
The first lesson you need to learn is to step outside of that little box that you define for yourself, the things you put on yourself and label as comfortable and uncomfortable. You will fight and battle with yourself over what you want to do and you try and reason why you can't or why you shouldn't.
Ask her out, talk to her, straight up. Find a good time if you need to, I'm not asking you to just do it anytime but do it, and do it this week. The longer you wait the more uncomfortable it will be despite what you're telling yourself.
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->At the moment I try to help myself with little "gifts" for her, like help at homework (via ICQ, not reallife), or a short conversation at school to help her understand stuff we learn there. The real life contact makes me very VERY depressive, which leads to the currently highest and worst step of help I can give me myself: Pain.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
This is because you've convinced yourself for whatever reason that it isn't going to work, and when you see her it sparks the feeling to just be around her, but you've already convinced yourself that it isn't going to happen, your making things complex, <b> Do not do this</b>.
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> was thinking about suicide, stand in front of the wide opened window or with the knife in my hand: I couldn't do it. I'm not brave enough, so this is not an option [so no need to get me off suicide, just mentionend it to show how far it has come already]
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Just a note, suicide is cowardice not bravery.
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->So, the only, last solution I can think of is to loose my feelings towards her. But HOW can this be achieved?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Meet her in real life, you don't have to get intimate, just physically be around her, get over your issue with seeing her. It's like your trying to keep yourself from breathing, you will try and try to not breathe but it's something you have no real control over. Your feelings will not change, you can try to lie to yourself but all you can do is lie. Talk to her in real life, not over the internet. The solution though, <b> It's not going to change until you talk to her about it, or experience some type of relationship with her. You cannot lie to yourself anymore about the reasoning because the reason why you still have that lingering feelings for her is because subconsciously, you know you're just lying to yourself.</b>
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->2) My mind/ fused with Satan, my own special demon living in my head [don't ask ]
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I will ask. You seriously need to talk about this.
Think about this: You feel horrible, almost rejected, because you can't ask her out. Then, if you ask her out, you have a CHANCE of not feeling horrible anymore, or getting rejected again.
So here's what it comes down to:
A) Don't ask. Feel horrible for sure, 100%.
B) Ask. POSSIBLY feel horrible again, 50%.
That means, choice B gives you a chance to be happy, while choice A doesn't. Now while choice A may certainly be difficult, considering the situation, think about which you'd be happier with: A chance to go out with her, or a chance to never talk to her.
People are more friendly than you may think. Even if you mess up or even act foolish in front of her, she'll catch that, and if she's anywhere near nice there's no way she'll just turn you flat down and ignore you. That gives you a chance to become at least friends with her. From there, we'll see what happens.
I know how you feel bro <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo--> There's a reason I can't relate or respond in most of the threads in this Off-Topic forum. It's because I either never heard of them, dont' know enough about them, etc. I'm pretty much a hermit from the world.
That never stopped me though. I'm pretty much socially bushed, but I can post here openly, no? Take risks for the right reasons.
Gold.
Anyhow back on topic:
You ever see 90210, Days of Our Lives, As the World Turns? No? Why? Perhaps your a bit like me and despise sappy soap operas. If so, then stand back and realize your turning this into a soap opera when it dosen't have to be.
Don't go up to her and say some crappy canned line, find a line of conversation. What do you two have in common? Nothing? Well, thats something in common ("Whoa, you havent see that movie?! Lemme tell you about it...".
You don't have to attach yourself like a leech to her, you could just say hello every now and then. Maybe ask how shes doing. Thats all it takes. Ask some questions every now and then, and if she asks you something then your doing great. Its a gradual approach, but disperses the pressure.
Then theres the whole process of corrupting her innocent little mind. But thats optional <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
I'll get me coat...
Hrmpf. Didn't seem that way to me.
And having a mind fused with Satan could be a problem...it would depend what Satan represents for him, and etc.
Another good thing with stepping out of your comfort zone is that it becomes easier to do, but that first step is <b>so hard.</b> Just don't let it stop you.
You just get soo **** paralized and you'll try in anyway not to show any sign, it's instinctive, you cant really control it <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo-->
Tell me about it! Over a month ago I actually picked up when a woman felt attracted to me. We met at work (temp job for the both of us, only lasting 3 days), and on the third day she dropped hints she wanted me to ask her out. And you know what I did? I bottled it. I chickened out. I don't know why - it's never happened to me before so it totally floored me.
I let that situation pass, and it still plays on my mind occasionally. Back then, though, I just felt devastated. At that time I really REALLY wished Life had a Quicksave & Quickload button, so I could re-do that part. *Sigh* Something to learn from I know.
I still haven't left my comfort zone. Yes I <i>think</i> I have in terms of just idly chatting with shopkeepers (I NEVER EVER did this, but my sister does it all the time), but not with random women in a pub/bar/club. <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--> I've grown up as a loner, even amongst the odd close friend, and I've read mythology books, etc. etc. so I tend to almost automatically create wild scenarios, fantastic worlds filled with possibilities <u>inside my head</u>! And I don't do so in real life. Anyway, I'll have to try. DARE TO BELIEVE, as the programme says.
Wish me luck!
Sorry to hijack your thread Obst & Gemuese!
You just get soo **** paralized and you'll try in anyway not to show any sign, it's instinctive, you cant really control it <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->I never said it would be easy. I only said it would be the truth.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
It's easy to say "just do it", and it's hard to do. I'm not denying that. I'm merely trying to say that it's perfectly normal for it to be extremely difficult. If that makes any sense <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->