(well forums are back up and I have to let off steam *somehow <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> )
Here's where it gets interesting; I was worried that this story would go the way of many others; namely. dropping off the face of the earth. But this is great!
Suggestion: Terr's background info should go somewhere else, kind of incongruous with the rest of the story.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Suggestion: Terr's background info should go somewhere else, kind of incongruous with the rest of the story. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
You know, I thought the same thing. I <i>wanted</i> to put it in chapter 3, where you first meet her, but I got to thinking. I didn't want to give away so much of the background before Sehu describes what the Veshar is, chapter 7. This was so I wouldn't have to describe that and her background while I was <u><i>really</i></u> describing the birth of the Peacemakers and more to the point(hint , hint), the character, Wraith, which you meet in chapter 1. <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I meant, perhaps, you should set it at the beginning of the chapter or somewhere before we get into the action. It sounds like a sidebar and detracts from flow.
I knew what you meant, with the marines getting into position and the aliens begining to attack, it slows the chapter at that point and it changes the atmosphere a bit, but with the conversation with the hive, I couldn't find the right spot to bring it up. Also when Ryn calls Terr over, I had to describe her in a little more depth than before. I thought, well, I might as well describe the tattoos now rather than having to find a way to do it later, which of course lead to the background info. I knew it would slow it down, so I said to myself, "Self. I'll speed this back up with more confrontations than you can shake a stick at!" Then my drink was about empty and I got tired, so I decided to make just one confrontation and hang it at that until next chapter. <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Basically... I got tired. There! Are you happy now! <!--emo&:angry:--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/mad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='mad.gif' /><!--endemo--> Well that's not true. This is just one of the problems with writing things online. You can't easily go back and fix something if you really want to.
Don't worry, there won't be anybody slamming on the brakes in the next chapter now that <i>that</i> little bit o' info is out of the way. <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif' /><!--endemo--> I promise. (shifty eyes)
Sorry for the delay, but I have had test after test and now finals. I only have two finals left (YAY) so there should be a chapter or two next week.
Just so you all know I'm not just slacking off <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Hmm, the info you had about Terr was nice. Though i still wonder what it was doing in there... It almost made me skip the info about Terr and continue on with the story. It also confused me a bit, being as Terr could also be with the marines that landed with those rines in the other side of the map/ship, and you skipped a length of the story by going to the part of explaining who each of the other marines, the ones not with sehu's group, were <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Comments
(well forums are back up and I have to let off steam *somehow <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> )
Here's where it gets interesting; I was worried that this story would go the way of many others; namely. dropping off the face of the earth. But this is great!
Suggestion: Terr's background info should go somewhere else, kind of incongruous with the rest of the story.
You know, I thought the same thing. I <i>wanted</i> to put it in chapter 3, where you first meet her, but I got to thinking. I didn't want to give away so much of the background before Sehu describes what the Veshar is, chapter 7. This was so I wouldn't have to describe that and her background while I was <u><i>really</i></u> describing the birth of the Peacemakers and more to the point(hint , hint), the character, Wraith, which you meet in chapter 1. <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Basically... I got tired. There! Are you happy now! <!--emo&:angry:--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/mad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='mad.gif' /><!--endemo--> Well that's not true. This is just one of the problems with writing things online. You can't easily go back and fix something if you really want to.
Don't worry, there won't be anybody slamming on the brakes in the next chapter now that <i>that</i> little bit o' info is out of the way. <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I promise. (shifty eyes)
Sorry for the delay, but I have had test after test and now finals. I only have two finals left (YAY) so there should be a chapter or two next week.
Just so you all know I'm not just slacking off <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
It also confused me a bit, being as Terr could also be with the marines that landed with those rines in the other side of the map/ship, and you skipped a length of the story by going to the part of explaining who each of the other marines, the ones not with sehu's group, were <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif' /><!--endemo-->