It really depends on what kind of first date it is.
I got to know this girl really well, and hung out with her alot (but never alone), and when we went on a date, and I ended up making out with her. But it wasn't one of those "this feels too early" things, it felt right.
But since that was a rare occasion, I usually expect nothing more than a hug at the end, or something along those lines.
First dates kind of suck, because you're grading your date on how s/he reacts to everything you say, and everything s/he says. Even if you are just "there to have fun", consciously or subconsciously your mind is finding connections or dislikes with your dates personality, and it using that information to determine the next date (which is usually alot more fun).
First dates is like commanding, if you have a set plan, something always goes askew. So, play 'em by ear.
I'm just going to the fallout shelter because I used to be the most socially inept person in existence, and in fact still am as long as I care too much about being accepted. Luckily, the second I stop caring and just say screw it, suddenly that ineptitude just dies off.
I think that is the secret really, be yourself so a.) the person you go with likes you for who you are, b.) no continuous effort made to act like something you are not, and have a healthy respect for the person you date. Those two things, in combination with some confidence; be it like my "to hell with it I'm just going to have a good time" kind or any other kind, should make the whole process a lot easier. However it is also important to make sure the other person is having fun as well.
Zig...I am Captain Planet!Join Date: 2002-10-23Member: 1576Members
<!--QuoteBegin-Athena+Jul 22 2004, 10:31 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Athena @ Jul 22 2004, 10:31 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->but sometimes.. don't you ever just have a weird date that just spins out of control and into a blissful sexual abandon<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Been there, done that, wish it happened more often. Sigh. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> you missed the part where you include your phone number as separated by hyphens :\
I know for most people - when you first meet them, you're "meeting their representative" (thanks, Chris Rock) - so I try not to judge based on first dates, though you can tell a LOT with some guys. Like the one I went out with today. -_-
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Theres no shame in telling us (guys) that you think a first date is just that- a thing to get to know each other better. Sadly alot of guys also think its a free-sex meeting. you should be able to weed out all the idiots with strained wrists pretty fast <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
There's no shame in telling us girls either. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> And there's no shame in it anyway - maybe you haven't met anyone you're interested in, maybe you have other priorities - but there's certainly nothing wrong with not having been on a date by ANY age.
As for a free-sex meeting... don't we refer to that as a one-night stand? :X
<!--QuoteBegin-Athena+Jul 23 2004, 02:02 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Athena @ Jul 23 2004, 02:02 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I know for most people - when you first meet them, you're "meeting their representative" (thanks, Chris Rock) - so I try not to judge based on first dates, though you can tell a LOT with some guys. Like the one I went out with today. -_-
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Theres no shame in telling us (guys) that you think a first date is just that- a thing to get to know each other better. Sadly alot of guys also think its a free-sex meeting. you should be able to weed out all the idiots with strained wrists pretty fast <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
There's no shame in telling us girls either. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> And there's no shame in it anyway - maybe you haven't met anyone you're interested in, maybe you have other priorities - but there's certainly nothing wrong with not having been on a date by ANY age.
As for a free-sex meeting... don't we refer to that as a one-night stand? :X <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> I don't know, imagine a date-less 70 year old man. Theres SOMETHING wrong there.
But yeah, I consider 1 night stands different because usually those come about from some behavior altering things. Desperation for one.
To re-phrase. Alot of guys go into dates thinking "hey i can go on a few and get the goods and move on" but I can't see myself doing that.
Zig...I am Captain Planet!Join Date: 2002-10-23Member: 1576Members
<!--QuoteBegin-CommunistWithAGun+Jul 22 2004, 11:18 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (CommunistWithAGun @ Jul 22 2004, 11:18 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> 1 night stands [...] usually those come about from some behavior altering things. Desperation for one. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> untrue. nowhere does it say you have to <i>earn</i> sex.
... i can't believe i'm defending the one-night stand.
I've never been on a "date" but I've had two serious relationships (well as serious as they get when you're a teenager) I guess I just kinda fell into them with people I'd known for a while before hand so the whole dating process was kinda unnesccecerry (sp)
Also Tess I feel this is an example of why all women still need to carry Tazers >)
I guess I'm heading into said bunker as well....I haven't dated as well.
And even if I had a first date, I wouldn't really expect a lot from it since I suck at life. Being hesitant to talk to the third girl I liked proves that I suck at going for the first move.
Or more appropriately, I suck at life. Heck, my friend pointed that out to me, and strangely enough, I feel grateful for that comment. Go criticism!
Huzzah, people will not know my real age! <span style='color:#041E2D'><span style='font-family:1'>I'm 15</span></span>
ShockehIf a packet drops on the web and nobody's near to see it...Join Date: 2002-11-19Member: 9336NS1 Playtester, Forum Moderators, Constellation
I'm surprised you didn't chat to us in IRC Tess.....
Anyway, I don't think it works quite the same in the UK. The concept of 'going on a date' is very American really, and doesn't seem to happen that much. If I were though, I wouldn't expect anything. I mean, I hardly know the girl either, and I have no idea what sort of person she is like yet.
I've found most relationships/girlfriends have come through mutual aquaintances or through an expanding circle of friends, and in that case have come together just from time spent together, than anything more intentional.
Necro<insert non-birthday-related title here>Join Date: 2002-08-09Member: 1118Members
<!--QuoteBegin-BlaqWolf+Jul 23 2004, 07:40 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (BlaqWolf @ Jul 23 2004, 07:40 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> ..what can you really expect out of a first date? i mean... they're mainly just to get to know the person more and see if there'll be a second...
i usually just expect to have fun and get to know the girl. i'm really sort of a shy guy tho, so i dont try anyting too quick.
i also expect to pay for it. guys, if you dont, i pity you.
i guess the real question here is, what do GIRLS expect out of the first date? cuz it would help us all out... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> i concur, speaking of which i though the chicks were the ones with the answers and we had the questions <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo-->
ive been on many first dates with different girls.
It all depends on the connection with the girl, and whats her style.
For instance
This one girl named Lindsey, we had alot in common. I wouldnt say she was easy but we were comfortable with each other. We walk to this cafe with my arm around her. And everything went well, and a good night kiss.
Then there was this girl named Amanda and we didnt have much in common. It ended with a side hug. (thank god)
You gotta decide what you wanna do, and decide if your comfortable or not. It all depends on you 2. "Takes 2 to tango"
ThansalThe New ScumJoin Date: 2002-08-22Member: 1215Members, Constellation
never been on a 'first date' (been on very few 'dates')
All of my relationships (read 4 in my illustrious 21 years of life) have always been with people I have known for some time. Combine that with hugging and kissing being a sort of norm amongst my friends (we are a very tactile group of people <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->) and seperating dating and just hanging out with eachother is often hard (aside from those few horrible people that insist on pouncing each other in the middle of the lunch room... /me claws eyes out in memory)
LOL, my last "girlfriend" (you can call her that if you want to, I really don't <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo--> ) and I got along great when we were drunk, then we tried dating sober and it just didn't really work out...
Oh well, had some fun times though <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin-CommunistWithAGun+Jul 23 2004, 08:29 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (CommunistWithAGun @ Jul 23 2004, 08:29 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> MEET THROUGH FRIENDS THE DATING WORLD IS A WORLD OF TERROR, SORROW, AND CELEBACY <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> hence why alcohol is ever so present in the dating scene.
Some people click well enough on the first date to justify a kiss, and some don't. If the date went particularly well, or was long enough to be two dates, then a kiss seems reasonable.
But, I wouldn't want to kiss someone I don't really know...
Zig...I am Captain Planet!Join Date: 2002-10-23Member: 1576Members
i don't mind it at all.. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin-Shockwave+--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Shockwave)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Anyway, I don't think it works quite the same in the UK. The concept of 'going on a date' is very American really, and doesn't seem to happen that much.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
dating is very much alive in a lot of places besides the US... what do you do in the UK? <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Ok – so this isn’t exactly on topic, it doesn’t answer Athena’s questions, but it offers a different female perspective on how guys “should” act on a first date.
Every date is different. It depends on how the couple connects. I’ve been on dates where I’ve wanted absolutely no physical contact with the first date guy, and I’ve had first dates where we totally connected.
Story: I had been talking to this guy on the phone for a few weeks and we finally met (our first date) – we said hello and hugged, my arms around his neck type of hug – when I thought it was over I started bringing my hands down – he lightly grabbed my hands and put them back around his neck and went in for a kiss. It blew me away – I was on cloud 9 – ranks among one of the best kisses ever for me. Now we had a connection, had it been some other guy trying that it may have would up very poorly. Note that we didn’t work out, and that was for the best. But that kiss…almost 10 years later, I still think about it <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.natural-selection.org/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
So my advice for both sides: Do what feels right. Stay within your comfort zone. Realize and accept that your comfort zone changes with different people and situations. There is no right or wrong. No matter how it goes, be respectful.
i dont think i could see myself attempting to kiss a girl on the first date due to the fact i am extremely shy & a hug would make me feel very happy , if i dont even get that but i feel the date went well i would continue on my quest & see how things progress <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Shockeh: I complained to pretty much everyone that was online at the time <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Grayduck: I'm still waiting on that to happen to me ;p
Thanks for all the input, guys. I knew it depended on the people and how well things clicked, but I figured maybe there were general guidelines people went by, and I know I'm not good at saying "no" sometimes... so I thought maybe my way of telling him to stop wasn't strong enough.
I let him put his arm around my waist, which he apparently took as an okay to move lower to my rear. I guess I didn't try pushing his arm away hard enough 'cause he tried it again later :X And he kept trying to kiss me, despite my turning the cheek, and after he got the lips a couple times, he tried for tongue.
And at a couple points he started licking my ear and breathing heavily. I THOUGHT he was just being silly - now I KNOW I was wrong. -_-;; Turning away from that didn't deter him either.
I told him off later that night on AIM, and he apologized and asked me to just flat out tell him next time if he's going too far, but I'm not sure I really want there to be a next time :/
Comments
I got to know this girl really well, and hung out with her alot (but never alone), and when we went on a date, and I ended up making out with her. But it wasn't one of those "this feels too early" things, it felt right.
But since that was a rare occasion, I usually expect nothing more than a hug at the end, or something along those lines.
First dates kind of suck, because you're grading your date on how s/he reacts to everything you say, and everything s/he says. Even if you are just "there to have fun", consciously or subconsciously your mind is finding connections or dislikes with your dates personality, and it using that information to determine the next date (which is usually alot more fun).
First dates is like commanding, if you have a set plan, something always goes askew. So, play 'em by ear.
Or we could turn into morlocks...
Or those genetically engineered worms of dewm could turn on us and make us their slaves...
**digs a nuclear fallout shelter within the nuclear fallout shelter**
I'm just going to the fallout shelter because I used to be the most socially inept person in existence, and in fact still am as long as I care too much about being accepted. Luckily, the second I stop caring and just say screw it, suddenly that ineptitude just dies off.
I think that is the secret really, be yourself so a.) the person you go with likes you for who you are, b.) no continuous effort made to act like something you are not, and have a healthy respect for the person you date. Those two things, in combination with some confidence; be it like my "to hell with it I'm just going to have a good time" kind or any other kind, should make the whole process a lot easier. However it is also important to make sure the other person is having fun as well.
Been there, done that, wish it happened more often. Sigh. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
you missed the part where you include your phone number as separated by hyphens :\
/me pouts
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Theres no shame in telling us (guys) that you think a first date is just that- a thing to get to know each other better. Sadly alot of guys also think its a free-sex meeting. you should be able to weed out all the idiots with strained wrists pretty fast <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
There's no shame in telling us girls either. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> And there's no shame in it anyway - maybe you haven't met anyone you're interested in, maybe you have other priorities - but there's certainly nothing wrong with not having been on a date by ANY age.
As for a free-sex meeting... don't we refer to that as a one-night stand? :X
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Theres no shame in telling us (guys) that you think a first date is just that- a thing to get to know each other better. Sadly alot of guys also think its a free-sex meeting. you should be able to weed out all the idiots with strained wrists pretty fast <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
There's no shame in telling us girls either. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> And there's no shame in it anyway - maybe you haven't met anyone you're interested in, maybe you have other priorities - but there's certainly nothing wrong with not having been on a date by ANY age.
As for a free-sex meeting... don't we refer to that as a one-night stand? :X <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I don't know, imagine a date-less 70 year old man. Theres SOMETHING wrong there.
But yeah, I consider 1 night stands different because usually those come about from some behavior altering things. Desperation for one.
To re-phrase. Alot of guys go into dates thinking "hey i can go on a few and get the goods and move on" but I can't see myself doing that.
untrue. nowhere does it say you have to <i>earn</i> sex.
... i can't believe i'm defending the one-night stand.
/me wanders off shaking his head.
(I'm 23 and I've never dated. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> )
And if we become Morlocks, I want to become that cool one that could shape-shift into a dragon.
Also Tess I feel this is an example of why all women still need to carry Tazers >)
And even if I had a first date, I wouldn't really expect a lot from it since I suck at life. Being hesitant to talk to the third girl I liked proves that I suck at going for the first move.
Or more appropriately, I suck at life. Heck, my friend pointed that out to me, and strangely enough, I feel grateful for that comment. Go criticism!
Huzzah, people will not know my real age!
<span style='color:#041E2D'><span style='font-family:1'>I'm 15</span></span>
Anyway, I don't think it works quite the same in the UK. The concept of 'going on a date' is very American really, and doesn't seem to happen that much. If I were though, I wouldn't expect anything. I mean, I hardly know the girl either, and I have no idea what sort of person she is like yet.
I've found most relationships/girlfriends have come through mutual aquaintances or through an expanding circle of friends, and in that case have come together just from time spent together, than anything more intentional.
Just my 2p.
i usually just expect to have fun and get to know the girl. i'm really sort of a shy guy tho, so i dont try anyting too quick.
i also expect to pay for it. guys, if you dont, i pity you.
i guess the real question here is, what do GIRLS expect out of the first date? cuz it would help us all out... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
i concur, speaking of which i though the chicks were the ones with the answers and we had the questions <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo-->
It all depends on the connection with the girl, and whats her style.
For instance
This one girl named Lindsey, we had alot in common. I wouldnt say she was easy but we were comfortable with each other. We walk to this cafe with my arm around her. And everything went well, and a good night kiss.
Then there was this girl named Amanda and we didnt have much in common.
It ended with a side hug. (thank god)
You gotta decide what you wanna do, and decide if your comfortable or not. It all depends on you 2.
"Takes 2 to tango"
Dating 101 from the sexy
BigBalls errm BigBull
All of my relationships (read 4 in my illustrious 21 years of life) have always been with people I have known for some time. Combine that with hugging and kissing being a sort of norm amongst my friends (we are a very tactile group of people <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->) and seperating dating and just hanging out with eachother is often hard (aside from those few horrible people that insist on pouncing each other in the middle of the lunch room... /me claws eyes out in memory)
Oh well, had some fun times though <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
ahhhhh ahhahaha lmao
hence why alcohol is ever so present in the dating scene.
But, I wouldn't want to kiss someone I don't really know...
<!--QuoteBegin-Shockwave+--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Shockwave)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Anyway, I don't think it works quite the same in the UK. The concept of 'going on a date' is very American really, and doesn't seem to happen that much.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
dating is very much alive in a lot of places besides the US... what do you do in the UK? <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I never 'dated' anyone I did not already know... so in a way, I was never on a first date.
Every date is different. It depends on how the couple connects. I’ve been on dates where I’ve wanted absolutely no physical contact with the first date guy, and I’ve had first dates where we totally connected.
Story: I had been talking to this guy on the phone for a few weeks and we finally met (our first date) – we said hello and hugged, my arms around his neck type of hug – when I thought it was over I started bringing my hands down – he lightly grabbed my hands and put them back around his neck and went in for a kiss. It blew me away – I was on cloud 9 – ranks among one of the best kisses ever for me. Now we had a connection, had it been some other guy trying that it may have would up very poorly. Note that we didn’t work out, and that was for the best. But that kiss…almost 10 years later, I still think about it <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.natural-selection.org/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
So my advice for both sides: Do what feels right. Stay within your comfort zone. Realize and accept that your comfort zone changes with different people and situations. There is no right or wrong. No matter how it goes, be respectful.
Grayduck: I'm still waiting on that to happen to me ;p
Thanks for all the input, guys. I knew it depended on the people and how well things clicked, but I figured maybe there were general guidelines people went by, and I know I'm not good at saying "no" sometimes... so I thought maybe my way of telling him to stop wasn't strong enough.
I let him put his arm around my waist, which he apparently took as an okay to move lower to my rear. I guess I didn't try pushing his arm away hard enough 'cause he tried it again later :X And he kept trying to kiss me, despite my turning the cheek, and after he got the lips a couple times, he tried for tongue.
And at a couple points he started licking my ear and breathing heavily. I THOUGHT he was just being silly - now I KNOW I was wrong. -_-;; Turning away from that didn't deter him either.
I told him off later that night on AIM, and he apologized and asked me to just flat out tell him next time if he's going too far, but I'm not sure I really want there to be a next time :/