Do You Try To Change Yourself?
NumbersNotFound
Join Date: 2002-11-07 Member: 7556Members
Join Date: 2002-11-07 Member: 7556Members
in Discussions
<div class="IPBDescription">Self improvement or being a phoney?</div> I've got a question for you all.
The past year I've taken a negitive view of people who try to change themselves in order to reach some end, normally better odds with girls.
I've taken this negitive stance because, at the time, it really felt like these people were being phoneys for changing themselves just to appear better to someone else. I thought "But now who does this girl really like, the person themselves or the person they created?"
But, then again, does the effort of changing oneself out of true feeling warrent some higher show of love?
Because of this view i've almost made an effort to show only my true self. Not putting on a show for girls and just being my plain old self.
My luck with the ladies, however, isn't good at all.
So what do you guys/gals prefer? Someone who presents themselves well or someone who is true to themselves?
The past year I've taken a negitive view of people who try to change themselves in order to reach some end, normally better odds with girls.
I've taken this negitive stance because, at the time, it really felt like these people were being phoneys for changing themselves just to appear better to someone else. I thought "But now who does this girl really like, the person themselves or the person they created?"
But, then again, does the effort of changing oneself out of true feeling warrent some higher show of love?
Because of this view i've almost made an effort to show only my true self. Not putting on a show for girls and just being my plain old self.
My luck with the ladies, however, isn't good at all.
So what do you guys/gals prefer? Someone who presents themselves well or someone who is true to themselves?
Comments
Or guzzling Listerine before going to a job interview... etc.
If being true to yourself means being socially passive, non-interactive, anti-hygiene, etc... you need to change.
Put it this way, if you feel inadequate, you <b>are</b> inadequate. There is no one more perfectable than yourself, and that's all you have control over.
"Being accepted for who I am" Sorry, if you're a serial rapist for example - you'll get no such thing.
Replace serial rapist with chronic eater/sloth/glutton, your odds will increase eversoslightly.
I'd say that generally people do change when they're with other people, and it doesn't neccessarily have to do with their personality.
I was generally very up front with my last girlfriend. I didn't try to be Mr. Cool or anything like that, I just showed confidence at what I thought/knew I was good at. The way I look at things, there's not much point in being insecure about what you're not good at, unless you can change it (in which case, try). This self-belief and self-confidence was what initially attracted her from afar (I didn't even see it coming).
What I would recommend, though is that even if you don't change your personality, keep an eye out on how your habits change.
For instance, when I started going out with her I spent a lot less time with my friends, and they felt pretty neglected. So think not only about what you change about your inner self, but also about your lifestyle.
Someone who just tries to change themself temporarily to get what they want is manipulating everyone. Including themself.
But it is also possible for people to really truly change themselves. If they can actually make a real change, more power to them. That's a good thing. And it is often true that people are willing to change themselves for the sake of others, when they would never have made the effort for themselves. That doesn't make the change any less real.
So determining not to try to change yourself is not really a very good answer to the problem. Not <i>hiding</i> your true self is one thing, refusing to <i>change</i> yourself is another thing entirely.
But if I have to change something of myself that was doing no harm at all such if I was to not talk about what I like doing such as playing video games or drawing, then I have to stop there. I want to make an impression to someone as who I am based the qualities that are good in me.
If its a bad quality then it does have a basis for change.
We humans have this amazing gift of choice. I can choose to become a better person, for whatever reason, at whatever time. If it's for a girl, who cares?
Just about anything can be bad if you are doing it for the wrong reasons, but if you are trying to better yourself through activities that you are truly interested in, I don't see anything wrong or phony with that.
I wasn't always a good basketball player, or a great dancer, or a decent programmer. I suppose one of the reasons I became all those things was to meld into society a little better, but I don't think that makes me a phony. Do you?
But in terms of personality changes? I'm far too stubborn to say that I do have a problem with my personality and any change comes with time and is very gradual. Sometimes I'll look back two-three years of my life and think, "damn, was I really like that?".
It's pretty cool, though, because the one thing constant in my life is that I'm always controversial. Controversy is good.
Physically I've changed of course but I've always done the same kind of things (some energetic activities but otherwise no exercise, no sport etc) and I've always been the same sort of shape (tall and thin).
I can't see how I could change even if I wanted to tbh.
That's not to say that people are incapable of change, just that they are unlikely to do so without outside, long term influence. Losing ten pounds because you're dissatisfied with your own appearance is not the same as going from introverted to extroverted. The first is a minor physical adjustment, akin to a haircut. The second is a fundamental change in personality.
Don't do it. You can't change something like that without hurting yourself.
Don't do it. You can't change something like that without hurting yourself.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
This I feel is true. I speak from experience that forcing a change to your personality to be better liked by others can cause some severe emotional backlash later on, while letting it evolve as it will, will still mean you are the same person, just further along in life.
Don't do it. You can't change something like that without hurting yourself. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
It depends, really. Someone who's short-tempered should probably learn to deal with it, rather than taking it out on other people (for example).
Improve yourself. If your a goddamn slob, fix it! If your hygiene is lacking, fix it! If you are overbearing, fix it FFS! Just because you eliminate flaws in your self does not mean you are a different person.
I had a friend who had all of the above problems. He was alienated until he ironed out those problems. If you don't do it you will have problems, straight up. I wouldn't want to be with a girl who seriously lacked in the above areas. Why would a girl want that?
Or guzzling Listerine before going to a job interview... etc. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
personally, i do the same
but i don´t think about it as appearing better to the ones visiting, but more that they feel themself at home, because i care for them.
Other than that i go completly my own style, when i got out or stuff.
(wich may change like how i feel)
For myself it works out fine.