Girls And Their Sense Of Entitlement.
moultano
Creator of ns_shiva. Join Date: 2002-12-14 Member: 10806Members, NS1 Playtester, Contributor, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue, Reinforced - Shadow, WC 2013 - Gold, NS2 Community Developer, Pistachionauts
Creator of ns_shiva. Join Date: 2002-12-14 Member: 10806Members, NS1 Playtester, Contributor, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue, Reinforced - Shadow, WC 2013 - Gold, NS2 Community Developer, Pistachionauts
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">Am I in the wrong here?</div> So today is my GF's birthday. We're across the country from eachother at the moment, cause I'm interning at Amazon.com in seattle.
For a little backstory, my GF and I went backpacking this past spring break. We both had a great time, she absolutely loved it, and is really excited to do it again. (I posted pics on the forums, some of you may remember.) Since this was her first time backpacking, she used a lot of my mom's equipment, and felt a little guilty about it, cause its a lot of stuff.
Fast forward a few months to today. I sent her a boquet of her favorite flowers, astroemeria, and <a href='http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0006J30FC/qid=1122693785/sr=8-2/ref=pd_bbs_2/103-1546320-5643853?v=glance&s=hi&n=507846' target='_blank'>this</a> which is quite possibly the best piece of camping equipment I own. I've had mine for 5 years or so, I've used it regularly, and I've had to change the batteries like twice. They are virtually indestructible, with no bulbs to burn out.
Between the flowers, and the headlamp, this has totaled around $80.
She didn't like it, and was kinda hurt.
I'm starting to think this is kinda a fundamental difference between the two of us. I dunno, I just can't imagine ever feeling entitled to presents. Like, if somebody gets me something, and its kinda nice, I'm not going to be disappointed about it. I can't imagine having such a sense of entitlement (well I guess I can actually, I felt that way when I was eight.)
What gives?
For a little backstory, my GF and I went backpacking this past spring break. We both had a great time, she absolutely loved it, and is really excited to do it again. (I posted pics on the forums, some of you may remember.) Since this was her first time backpacking, she used a lot of my mom's equipment, and felt a little guilty about it, cause its a lot of stuff.
Fast forward a few months to today. I sent her a boquet of her favorite flowers, astroemeria, and <a href='http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0006J30FC/qid=1122693785/sr=8-2/ref=pd_bbs_2/103-1546320-5643853?v=glance&s=hi&n=507846' target='_blank'>this</a> which is quite possibly the best piece of camping equipment I own. I've had mine for 5 years or so, I've used it regularly, and I've had to change the batteries like twice. They are virtually indestructible, with no bulbs to burn out.
Between the flowers, and the headlamp, this has totaled around $80.
She didn't like it, and was kinda hurt.
I'm starting to think this is kinda a fundamental difference between the two of us. I dunno, I just can't imagine ever feeling entitled to presents. Like, if somebody gets me something, and its kinda nice, I'm not going to be disappointed about it. I can't imagine having such a sense of entitlement (well I guess I can actually, I felt that way when I was eight.)
What gives?
Comments
EDIT: Maybe it's the nature of your gift conflicting with what she expects. You sent her flowers and a headlamp. I can see the sentimental value of the headlamp (you used it, right?), but maybe she expected something bigger for her birthday.
[EDIT:] That statement was based on the title of the thread, not the post. I don't really know how to respond to the post. I would probably say "Then next year, I'll give you a gift certificate."
As far as I've seen girls are the most troublesome to get presents for whether its a gf or fren. Get to cheap you insult them. Get too expensive they start gettin creeped out.
She's not throwing tantrums or anything. Its not really a big deal. But she's certainly not happy about it, or grateful, which just rubs me the wrong way.
And if not... sucks, but I wouldn't be blaming myself.
I'm kinda like her in a way, I guess. If I can't think of something with personal meaning to get someone then I won't get them a present. If they give me a present that shows they haven't thought about it and has nothing to do with who I am as a person then I'm not going to be overly-grateful.
On the other hand she might just be spoilt like someone suggested above, in which case only the finest will do.
Probs best to just come out with it and give your reasons for buying it and see if she reacts differently, or at least if you get closer to understanding what makes her tick on this point.
You sent flowers and something you thought she'd like. You really can't do much more.
Just for comparison, for christmas she got me a picture of herself, and a bottle of olive oil.
Anyways, she called back and apologized, alls well that ends well I guess . . .
"Look, I thought you liked Hiking? Well... if not... what would you like me to get for you?"
For a little backstory, my GF and I went backpacking this past spring break. We both had a great time, she absolutely loved it, and is really excited to do it again. (I posted pics on the forums, some of you may remember.) Since this was her first time backpacking, she used a lot of my mom's equipment, and felt a little guilty about it, cause its a lot of stuff.
Fast forward a few months to today. I sent her a boquet of her favorite flowers, astroemeria, and <a href='http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0006J30FC/qid=1122693785/sr=8-2/ref=pd_bbs_2/103-1546320-5643853?v=glance&s=hi&n=507846' target='_blank'>this</a> which is quite possibly the best piece of camping equipment I own. I've had mine for 5 years or so, I've used it regularly, and I've had to change the batteries like twice. They are virtually indestructible, with no bulbs to burn out.
Between the flowers, and the headlamp, this has totaled around $80.
She didn't like it, and was kinda hurt.
I'm starting to think this is kinda a fundamental difference between the two of us. I dunno, I just can't imagine ever feeling entitled to presents. Like, if somebody gets me something, and its kinda nice, I'm not going to be disappointed about it. I can't imagine having such a sense of entitlement (well I guess I can actually, I felt that way when I was eight.)
What gives? <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Thats what you get for caring for anyone else besides yourself, a swift blow to the groin with a cinderblock.
For a little backstory, my GF and I went backpacking this past spring break. We both had a great time, she absolutely loved it, and is really excited to do it again. (I posted pics on the forums, some of you may remember.) Since this was her first time backpacking, she used a lot of my mom's equipment, and felt a little guilty about it, cause its a lot of stuff.
Fast forward a few months to today. I sent her a boquet of her favorite flowers, astroemeria, and <a href='http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0006J30FC/qid=1122693785/sr=8-2/ref=pd_bbs_2/103-1546320-5643853?v=glance&s=hi&n=507846' target='_blank'>this</a> which is quite possibly the best piece of camping equipment I own. I've had mine for 5 years or so, I've used it regularly, and I've had to change the batteries like twice. They are virtually indestructible, with no bulbs to burn out.
Between the flowers, and the headlamp, this has totaled around $80.
She didn't like it, and was kinda hurt.
I'm starting to think this is kinda a fundamental difference between the two of us. I dunno, I just can't imagine ever feeling entitled to presents. Like, if somebody gets me something, and its kinda nice, I'm not going to be disappointed about it. I can't imagine having such a sense of entitlement (well I guess I can actually, I felt that way when I was eight.)
What gives? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Thats what you get for caring for anyone else besides yourself, a swift blow to the groin with a cinderblock. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Amen! <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I went to buy my girlfriend a $20 necklace earlier this week just to find out shes been cheating on me. I'll save it for someone else I suppose <!--emo&::marine::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/marine.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='marine.gif' /><!--endemo-->
O_O;;
whoa man, that is a mental picture i did not want.
O_O;;
whoa man, that is a mental picture i did not want. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Lotion would of made a better joke <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
She's probably a bit disappointed seen as she hasn't got to see you for a while and you give her something with no importance or value to her, by that I mean something that can remind her of you.
Just for comparison at Christmas I got my GF a big teddy, card, box of chocolates and a pendant necklace. Valentines day I got her flowers, chocolates and a card. On my birthday in May she got me some band-fan t-shirts, a card, two teddies and wrote a little poem about our relationship. Neither of us have been dis-satisfied with anything we receive, we've been dating just over 10 months now.
Presents don't make a relationship etc. but to girls "thought counts" and being softer, sweeter and gentler generally works, even if it's cheap jewellary.
Basically I'm a expensive sex toy, it's great! <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Fix'd
*edit*
GRAMMAR NAZI OLO
Fix'd
*edit*
GRAMMAR NAZI OLO <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Bleh, me no needs teh grammr!
Fix'd
*edit*
GRAMMAR NAZI OLO <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Bleh, me no needs teh grammr! <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Yes, a spell checker on a sex toy would be needlessly expensive <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Well, I'd have thought that the equipment was meant to be a reminder of that good time they had on their hike, along with the fact that he actually listened to her when she said that she felt guilty over borrowing stuff. It's also probably a suggestion/promise to go hiking again. [Edit. Then again, it is just a light. Not really a fabulous present.]
Am I in the only family that asks people what they want for christmas/birthday? It saves a lot of hassle. No "aw, you got me a book on fart gags, that's <i>just what I wanted</i> (ugh, god dammit)" moments, everybody's happy, no-one ends up with tat.
Then again these feelings could stem from my hatred of X-mas. I think next year I'm going to give my country music loving... in your face bible thumping... nascar watching... cow loving... horse riding... corn farming... bush worshipping relatives alcohol for their gifts. I'm sure its what they want... which is much more then they would ever be able to give me. I think the only thing keeping me going to these family events is the fact that my grandparents are rapidly aging... and they seem the only members of my family that deserve respect for the hard work that they've done. (and still do... one of my grandparents is still in real estate at age 83... my mind is boggling)
I could <b>easily</b> just not care and not show up... but that'd be disrespectful considering what they've accomplished in their many years of life. In fact I'm going to call them tomarrow and ask how their week went... I'd make their day since none of the other people in the family seem to give a damn about those poor people.
Well, I'd have thought that the equipment was meant to be a reminder of that good time they had on their hike, along with the fact that he actually listened to her when she said that she felt guilty over borrowing stuff. It's also probably a suggestion/promise to go hiking again. I'd have been touched, but then again, I'm not a girl. Still, I'm available, moult...
Am I in the only family that asks people what they want for christmas/birthday? It saves a lot of hassle. No "aw, you got me a book on fart gags, that's <i>just what I wanted</i> (ugh, god dammit)" moments, everybody's happy, no-one ends up with tat. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
yeah we do that too, but i usually just finds the cheapest ugliest throw right out thing i can find, just because im 14, and then i get that watch, game all those things <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> its great
I'll happily spend money on a present if I think the recipient will really like it, and hating being given presents is a foreign concept to me. ;P
If you hate most of your family, it's not much of a surprise that you don't like family events...
I don't think your presents 'suck' though moultano, you put thought in to it but the problem is, while she may have enjoyed a day out backpacking, is it something that she would ever pursue on her own? If not then you've just bought yourself a present instead of buying her one.
The other thing is that the present is too practical, too useful. The trick to buying girls presents is to make it completely useless (well, I can think of one 'useful' present that girls tend to like... but it vibrates so isn't the kind of gift you probably want to buy). I wouldn't go down Thaldarins route. Ok, so cliche's give you an instant pass in the exam but its only just scraping in. In fact if I found out that I was going out with a girl who genuinely wanted the unoriginal 'chocolate, flower, fluff, jewellery' rubbish then I'd probably dump her. Or if you do use one of those standards then tailor it specifically like... ok, on the backpacking theme you could give her a 'St Christopher', a custom made Teddy with a backpack or a flowers that match the ones you picked for her that day (presuming you did). And that's just backpacking, in 7 months I'm sure there are plenty of other sources for inspiration.
Ugh. Another argument for staying single, then. -_-
When her birthday comes around, get something for her from that list. That shows her that you were paying attention to her all of those times, and the she really matters to you.
I wish I was in a position to practice what I preach...my girl and I just split 9 days ago.
<!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
At least you'll have more money now.