[e\n] Life pretty much sucks
<div class="IPBDescription">well, it does</div>I figure what the hell, my life is such an abhorrent mess, i might as well let it infect the internet too, rather than it just festering on my personal blog, myspace, facebook, deadjournal, livejournal, second life community boards and gaea accounts where my superficial friends and ######s i know can appreciate / condone it, or just ignore it, which they prefer to do.
I've always kept myself to myself really, at least who i really am. I'm a cheat and a liar, and as far as the net goes, a massive troll. I've trolled these forums for years, intentionally and unintentionally, so i figure i should set the record straight.
Firstly, i'm not a guy, never have been. My name isn't "Richard," never was, Richard is the name my parents would've called me if i were born male. I'm mostly known as Vicki, but Victoria is my actual name.
<img src="http://creativeblank.com/i/webcam.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
The guy i've been posting pictures of is my friend Tony, someone i've known since school. I saw him so often that getting him to take pictures of himself was pretty easy.
The whole idea behind using Tony's pictures as myself was to save the hassle of being a girl on the internet. As soon as people realise you're a girl gamer, everyone just goes ape###### over you. I don't want the attention, i don't want the lecherous kids going after me, which is a common threat being a girl gamer, we're not a rare breed, we're not diamonds in the rough, we're just normal people, and having some horny, spotty little nerd drooling over you is a massive annoyance.
So why am i coming out with this all now? I'm bored of it. I'm bored of the lies and i'm bored with the facade. I'm still the same uncouth jerk i always have been, nothing's changed, i just don't want to have to keep on lying and keep up the whole act.
My life hasn't been going well. Up until very recently, i've been sleeping on the streets. I split up with my girlfriend (OH MY! HOMOSEXUALITY!) and ended up where i ended up. I'd spend time at the library on the internet and then spend my nights outside the library in the park. I had a drinking problem, i met a lot of cool people who were on the streets with me too, i've a ton of stories about them, but that's not what i'm posting about. They were nice people, some slightly lecherous, but on the whole they understand what it's like to have your life go down the pan and were generally supportive. Well, they let me share on the special brew, which is good enough.
Since i'd taken to drinking every day, i turned to drugs too to blot out the horror that my life had generally become. I was taking a lot of cocaine and whatever else i could get my hands on. This didn't come cheap. I'd lost my sales job, i'd lost my home, i'd lost all my posessions, i needed a source of income. No, i didn't become a ######, i at least retained my dignity. I took to stealing what i could when i could. Being in Brighton, it's full of great shops, but great shops with pretty shoddy security. Stealing a decent pair of shoes, some food, clothing, was alll pretty easy. Sure i couldn't get full price for them, but i could at least get a tenner for a pair of quality leather shoes, and that was a tenner easily made that went straight up my nose.
When i got over my moral objections and realised how easy it was to just take what i liked and get away with it, it became all too common. I spent more and more of the day absolutely off my rocker. I didn't have to beg for cigarette or beer money, i could just take it. Despite how wrong it actually was, at least i was earning my own living rather than sponging off of passers by.
This was all up until recently. A few weeks back i met up with an awesome girl. She's from South Africa, her name's Maggi, and she took me in to her home, fed me, gave me a sofa to sleep on and company during the day. She got me back on the internet (she has a laptop leeching a net connection from next door) and she brought a little happiness into my life. There's about 5 of us living in this apartment, it's not as cramped as it sounds, there's a enough space for us all to sleep, sit around, have fun, whatever.
I owe her my life. I've not touched drugs in about 2 weeks now, i've not been drinking nearly as much as i had done before (maybe one or two drinks a day now) and i can finally sleep with a roof over my head, not scared that i'd be assaulted or raped while i'm asleep.
My life was an abhorrent mess, but things are looking up. There's a silver lining to every cloud.
I've always kept myself to myself really, at least who i really am. I'm a cheat and a liar, and as far as the net goes, a massive troll. I've trolled these forums for years, intentionally and unintentionally, so i figure i should set the record straight.
Firstly, i'm not a guy, never have been. My name isn't "Richard," never was, Richard is the name my parents would've called me if i were born male. I'm mostly known as Vicki, but Victoria is my actual name.
<img src="http://creativeblank.com/i/webcam.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
The guy i've been posting pictures of is my friend Tony, someone i've known since school. I saw him so often that getting him to take pictures of himself was pretty easy.
The whole idea behind using Tony's pictures as myself was to save the hassle of being a girl on the internet. As soon as people realise you're a girl gamer, everyone just goes ape###### over you. I don't want the attention, i don't want the lecherous kids going after me, which is a common threat being a girl gamer, we're not a rare breed, we're not diamonds in the rough, we're just normal people, and having some horny, spotty little nerd drooling over you is a massive annoyance.
So why am i coming out with this all now? I'm bored of it. I'm bored of the lies and i'm bored with the facade. I'm still the same uncouth jerk i always have been, nothing's changed, i just don't want to have to keep on lying and keep up the whole act.
My life hasn't been going well. Up until very recently, i've been sleeping on the streets. I split up with my girlfriend (OH MY! HOMOSEXUALITY!) and ended up where i ended up. I'd spend time at the library on the internet and then spend my nights outside the library in the park. I had a drinking problem, i met a lot of cool people who were on the streets with me too, i've a ton of stories about them, but that's not what i'm posting about. They were nice people, some slightly lecherous, but on the whole they understand what it's like to have your life go down the pan and were generally supportive. Well, they let me share on the special brew, which is good enough.
Since i'd taken to drinking every day, i turned to drugs too to blot out the horror that my life had generally become. I was taking a lot of cocaine and whatever else i could get my hands on. This didn't come cheap. I'd lost my sales job, i'd lost my home, i'd lost all my posessions, i needed a source of income. No, i didn't become a ######, i at least retained my dignity. I took to stealing what i could when i could. Being in Brighton, it's full of great shops, but great shops with pretty shoddy security. Stealing a decent pair of shoes, some food, clothing, was alll pretty easy. Sure i couldn't get full price for them, but i could at least get a tenner for a pair of quality leather shoes, and that was a tenner easily made that went straight up my nose.
When i got over my moral objections and realised how easy it was to just take what i liked and get away with it, it became all too common. I spent more and more of the day absolutely off my rocker. I didn't have to beg for cigarette or beer money, i could just take it. Despite how wrong it actually was, at least i was earning my own living rather than sponging off of passers by.
This was all up until recently. A few weeks back i met up with an awesome girl. She's from South Africa, her name's Maggi, and she took me in to her home, fed me, gave me a sofa to sleep on and company during the day. She got me back on the internet (she has a laptop leeching a net connection from next door) and she brought a little happiness into my life. There's about 5 of us living in this apartment, it's not as cramped as it sounds, there's a enough space for us all to sleep, sit around, have fun, whatever.
I owe her my life. I've not touched drugs in about 2 weeks now, i've not been drinking nearly as much as i had done before (maybe one or two drinks a day now) and i can finally sleep with a roof over my head, not scared that i'd be assaulted or raped while i'm asleep.
My life was an abhorrent mess, but things are looking up. There's a silver lining to every cloud.
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
life isn't too bad but:
<span style='color:#000000;background:#000000'>everybody dies</span>
QFT. Which, considering everything, is not an entirely large departure from business as usual around here.
I also do not believe a word you just posted, however I understand why you might post something like this because if <b>I</b> looked like this....
<img src="http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/uploads//post-10-1054498700.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
...then I would want to pretend I was an attractive female as well.
On a side note, I hate these forums.
I'm not posting for your approval or acceptance, believe what you want.
But how is being a girl gamer hard? I can only picture it as an annoyance if you actually draw attention to your gender. I have never had to tell anyone online if I am a boy or a girl.
This thread proves that.
I guess your custom title was suitable to you for your last few months, glad to see youre getting back on track.
As the word goes, gender is optional on the internet.
ITT: Needs more photographic evidence. Date time or something in photo of 'you', this is far too unbelievable.
ITT: Needs more photographic evidence. Date time or something in photo of 'you', this is far too unbelievable.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<img src="http://creativeblank.com/i/webcam2.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
That is kind of convincing.
That's what they want you to think!
Deleted a second post by you. Lets keep stuff like that off the forums -- KFDM
...MY MIND
Or maybe that's just your girlfriend... must... remain skeptical.
Don't know what to say or think.
Then in the past year or two its gone to the ######ter and I've really dreaded reading any of your posts- hence why I let this one go so long.
Hopefully thats ended?
anyone, M or F, there's no sense hiding your identity online. some people are tools no matter what you claim to be. if you're a girl, it's OMG UR HOT LETS SEX, and if you're a guy, it's OMG UR A MORON GET BENT.
regardless of what's true or not, if things aren't goin well and you're doing your best to get back on track, best of luck to you.
Before you know it DOOM's going to come forth and say he actually is the Marine from Doom.
He... <i>he isn't</i>?
Alright, I figured it out. Esuna: Take a picture of yourself and your roommate friend holding a sign with todays date on it. THEN I will believe it!
Alright, I figured it out. Esuna: Take a picture of yourself and your roommate friend holding a sign with todays date on it. THEN I will believe it!<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I'll give it a shot, we're like ships in the night. She works during the day at some call centre and at a club at night, she should be off tomorrow.