Monster - Part Five

DeepShadowsDeepShadows Join Date: 2003-02-11 Member: 13408Members, Constellation
edited March 2003 in Fan-Fiction Forum
<div class="IPBDescription">The first writer "along for the ride."</div> <a href='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index.php?act=ST&f=6&t=23045' target='_blank'>Part - One</a>

<a href='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index.php?act=ST&f=6&t=23747' target='_blank'>Part - Two</a>

<a href='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index.php?act=ST&f=6&t=24688' target='_blank'>Part - Three</a>

<a href='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index.php?act=ST&f=6&t=26224' target='_blank'>Part - Four</a>




Ok, a lot of people were confused by the last part of the story. Originally, I was going to have this part posted with the last one, but I got held back. Hopefully, this will clear things up a bit. Otherwise, it will just make them more confusing:P

So everyone knows, I am posting these parts as they are written. There's a lot of editing I will need to do, and when the story is "complete" I plan on going back and making everything a lot prettier. However, not only do I get to see people's reactions as it is by posting it part by part, but it helps keep me motivated to finish the story <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->

So, bare with me, as all of these posts are assentially rough drafts. The one FOLLOWING this one will have some big things happening, so don't get bored yet.

Right 0, here you g0 -





<b>The Situation</b>

The commander silenced my query about the catwalk. He said that everything would be explained as soon as the remaining tasks were finished. So, what could I do? I waited like everyone else.

While I waited, Seph was nice enough to show me a new HUD command: It displayed a list of all the marines and showed me the status of each person. The teams were as follows:

Team 1: Mr. Samsa, Geoff, Altezo, SodaPop U1, and Seph.

Team 2: Pseudo, Mystery-Matt, Quiver, and Tony.

Team 3: Darkens, Smiling Joe, and Johnson.

This was the first time I remembered to use my portable recorder. I switched it on and recorded their names, down to the letter. I didn?t have to, but it was a way to kill time. Seph didn?t seem to mind it much, though Altezo shot me a couple looks. Altezo was the one pacing the room. I think I pronounced his name wrong.

It didn?t take long for the teams to return. Samsa?s squad phased in while the other two strode through the ground-level door. The hallway beyond looked just like in a medical cruiser: Well-lit, clean, and pleasant. Not what I expected after spending my time in that large, gray control room.

The commander roughly summed up the situation, with Darkens help:

We had two hives secured: Cold Storage and The Youkja System Core. We had captured every recourse node on the map, for a grand total of five. Apparently, that wasn?t a very large number. The third hive location didn?t appear on the map at all, which Darkens and the commander searched inch by inch.

When the commander scanned Atmospheric Processing, he found that it was not a hive location. It broke off into five ventilation pathways. Three of them appeared on our maps, but two of them did not. According to the map, there was no way to get to Processing by foot. There appeared to be one maintenance passageway descending from an unknown area. It ran into the center of the Processing chamber, along with every other vent.

One important discovery was that the Processing chamber automatically closed off groups of vents at different times. It seemed there was a completely different area that the Processor had to cover, other than our own, but it could not handle more than one of them at a time. Right now, the two vents and the maintenance passage were closed off, while the passages heading to our base and the secured hives were open.
After listening to all of this, Johnson pestered the commander as to what it meant. He replied by telling us that there was an entirely different part of the ship that our maps didn?t cover. He guessed that the third hive was likely somewhere in it.

The Kharaa were coming to this side of the ship through the ventilation passages. The thing was, those passages were never all open at the same time. Either one side of the ship was accessible, or the other. So, the only way a Kharaa could successfully come to this side would be to enter the processing station, wait, and then pass through when the vent lock changed. This change occurred every given amount of time. The commander wasn?t sure yet how long that space of time was.

He then pointed out the catwalk in our base. It headed to a second door directly above the ground level one. The commander couldn?t open this door, and the map said it was a dead end anyway. Of course, it wasn?t a dead end. This was the only other way he could find to the other half of the ship.
I made an effort to soak all of this information in, still lingering on my confrontation with the skulk. The thing had seen me, but it didn?t attack me. Not until I had a weapon dropped into my hands, that is. Even then, the skulk vanished when I shot it. I later discovered this was a trait known as ?Redemption.? There were many cases of Kharaa seeming to vanish right before death, only to arrive again later on. The best theory to date was that some Kharaa evolve some system of teleportation, which kicks in right before the creature?s death. Of course, that isn?t much of a theory in itself.

This meant, of course, that the Beast was still alive. I was not yet aware of this, but we would confront more than once before the end. To say the least, none were pleasurable.


<b>Power Scruffle</b>

C.C. ? Ashura Demon: ?<i>Who?s our engineer?</i>?

Tony: ?I am, commander.?

C.C. ? Ashura Demon: ?<i>Ok, Tony. I want you to interface with the Youkja.</i>?

Tony: ?What??

C.C. ? Ashura Demon: ?<i>En-ter-face-with-the-Youk-ja. It?s blocking most of my controls. Go root with it.</i>?

Tony: ?I don?t know how to do that, commander.?

C.C. ? Ashura Demon: ?<i>Why the hell not?</i>?

?Engineers do hardware, commander.?

C.C. ? Ashura Demon: ?<i>Shut up, civi. No one asked you.</i>?

Mr. Samsa: ?He?s right, Ashura.?

C.C. ? Ashura Demon: ?<i>What the hell, am I commander or not? I?</i>?

Mr. Samsa: ??You better shape up, Ashura. I don?t know why they replaced our last commander with you, but as far as I?m concerned you?re a moron.?

There was a silence. Johnson was trying not to chuckle. Ashura was probably about to let out a string, but Samsa got to it first.

Mr. Samsa: ?We need somebody to talk to the Youkja System. I don?t know anything about AI?s; otherwise I?d do it. You keeping an eye on Processing, Commander??

C.C. ? Ashura Demon: ?<i>I?ve have been for a while.</i>?

Mr. Samsa: ?Fine. Now, does anyone have any experience with AI tech??

? I have a degree in it, if that helps.?

Well, I did.

Mr. Samsa: ?Good, Jacket gets the job then. I?ll take him to there.?

C.C. ? Ashura Demon: ?<i>The rest of you patrol the station.</i>?

The commander was starting to sound childish. Samsa?s platoon looked at him first, as he now had the collective authority, despite that Ashura was still commanding. Samsa nodded, and the groups trailed out the lower doorway.

Mr. Samsa: ?This way, Jacket.?

He stood upon the phase gate, shortly vanishing in a silent glimmer of light. I hesitated for a moment before following. Closing my eyes, I prepared for the light wave of nausea that would accompany me into the potential hive.

Comments

  • NordikNordik Join Date: 2003-02-16 Member: 13628Members
    nice work i like it a lot <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::onos::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tiny.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tiny.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • Diligent_NoseDiligent_Nose Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14192Members
    That clears is up, thanks. good idea with the incompleat map. I can't wait for the next part.
  • CanadianWolverineCanadianWolverine Join Date: 2003-02-07 Member: 13249Members
    Mmm, monster goodness. Hey, DeepShadows, you shouldn't have to worry about action in stories, at least that is my opinion. Just keep going for what you want to portray for this reporters experience, okay? I've been reading since the get go, and I'm liking where this is going. Hey, do you ever go back and read what you have written already several times before you write the next part? That's what I do when I write short stories, I try to imagine a scene that I would want to see after I read my own stuff and try to surprise myself. Fictional short story writing can be alot of fun, I suggest it to anyone with an active imagination.
  • DeepShadowsDeepShadows Join Date: 2003-02-11 Member: 13408Members, Constellation
    edited March 2003
    You sound like me, except much saner <!--emo&:0--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wow.gif'><!--endemo--> No, I was going for the atmosphere you get while playing the game. I wanted to see if I could get that in a story. That inclosed, can't move fast - while the other can - dark feel. The kind you get in dreams where you can't seem to run, right? Ja... Right now the story is too comfy, but I am about to change that.

    Just earlier today I had a nifty experience with that playing NS. I try to remember to make demos of the games I play, because it is just so much funner watching it like a movie, especially when all the people with mics say all the right things

    "we're getting hit!"
    "CC - Forget it, fall back!"
    "I can't! I can't move!"
    "The gorge is webbing everything! I-- *cut off from death*"
    as you are in the inclosed mesh desperately trying to make it back to the phase gate before the whole area goes down. It was beautiful <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->

    I tried to start a demo and my game froze up <!--emo&:angry:--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/mad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='mad.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • DeepShadowsDeepShadows Join Date: 2003-02-11 Member: 13408Members, Constellation
    Foiled! My computer with my story on it is toasted to oblivion! I hope to recover it, however as it is I can't get at my story to work on it. Tragic, I know. Don't go suiciding in mass quantity yet! I have ice cream. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
    uber cool, think you can squeeze out some more creative juices, and maybe have our reporter and his skulk meet up sometime, you could make it one of those encounters where the both stare @ each other and then run off or sumat like dat, all in all, excellent work
    <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • BadKarmaBadKarma The Advanced Literature monsters burned my house and gave me a 7 Join Date: 2002-11-12 Member: 8260Members
    Again, well done, Shadows is a no fail pleasure machine.
  • HuntsmanHuntsman Join Date: 2002-11-25 Member: 9929Members
    This is some good stuff. I'd like to be able to see a little more of what goes on during these communications, but I've always been one for "wordiness". You did manage to achieve the sense of suspense very well. Imagine playing natural selection...but when you die, you are gone forever. There's a sense of suspense in game when skulks can leap from every dark corner, but this is real life, and you won't live to learn from your experience. I also liked the "missing map" and "bad commander" aspects of this. Both of these add to the overall suspense of your story. It sounds like this is what Flayra is heading for with NS - the feeling of being in alien territory, where things with teeth and acid wait on clicking claws to rend you limb from limb and consume your flesh. Adding random events to the maps would make gameplay more interesting, come to think of it...that way you haven't walked into the same room, a bajillion times. Rooms may be partially flooded sometimes, maybe there are different configurations for the map itself (rooms and whatnot), halfway through the map you find that there has been a reactor breach which you have to fix otherwise the explosion would endanger the drop ship...things like that. Unfortunately, a great amount of events would be hard to map out, hard to balance, and would ultimately all have been played out.

    Ugh. I seem to have gotten a bit off topic here. Let's just say your story got me quite pumped up! Not quite pumped up enough to write my chem lab now...but maybe enough that I can get up early and write it. I look forward to the next installment. Keep up the good work!
  • HuntsmanHuntsman Join Date: 2002-11-25 Member: 9929Members
    I forgot - One more thing! I think it would be kinda cool to do a sort of movie of this sort of thing...maybe a short intro with some of the more important parts narrated before the movie cuts to picture. When 1.1 comes out, you can do some of the more action related parts in game with actors/players. I'm not sure if this HL TV thing can be edited, but (at least to my sleep deprived mind) this sounds really cool! Hok, G'night world
  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
    do you have any clue as to when the next part will be up?
  • DeepShadowsDeepShadows Join Date: 2003-02-11 Member: 13408Members, Constellation
    Ja, as soon as I finish writing it <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->


    Actually, I've been trying to work on it, but my computer required an enema a while ago. as it is, I have about half a chapter. Should be up in a couple days...
  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
    hehehe, nothing like dull unwitty sacrasm to show that your feedback is appreciated <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->

    if you can, give me a PM when the next chap goes up, thx
    (keep up teh gO0d werk!)
    pardon my leet
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