The End
Born2Kill
Join Date: 2003-04-24 Member: 15793Members
Join Date: 2003-04-24 Member: 15793Members
<div class="IPBDescription">my first FanFic--enjoy</div> this is my first fan fiction and my first post on these boards. please disreguard any spelling errors or grammer. all possitve critisism welcome <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> please tell me what you think. this story was based on attual events that happend to me in NS with extra stuff added for some story goodness. ENJOY-------
The End
-------I could feel the tendons in my legs rip apart as I sprinted down the what seemed like the never ending corridor. My breathing heavy and my vision blurry, I sprinted for the radio control room just around the next turn. I have evaded these damn creatures for to long, Alone. I could not think, my last move was not clear but I knew that if I did not do something now, I would end up like the rest of my squad.
Just as I sprang round that corner I jumped into the radio control room. The room was not very large, only comfortable for maybe 2-3 people at the most. Not many corners or ledges in the room and that lead to my advantage. But as I scanned the room I noticed that this room was my worst choice yet. On ether side of the room were two very small ventilation shafts that were used to cool this very small room for it would get very hot. Realizing that I was wasting time I began my work on the radio equipment.
As I tried to initialize the power on sequence for the radio equipment I kept getting fatal errors. I opened the lower access panels to check the wiring of the equipment I saw that most of the wires were torn and scattered, the internal panels were shredded and ripped in pieces. Small holes big enough for small dog like creatures would fit. After observing this I shut the access panels instantly. Fearing one of those??thing might take a leg.
After checking my ammunition I realized I have used all but a extra 50 bullet clip that I kept for emergency use only. After trying to grab ahold of the situation I heard a series of metallic clicks around in the ceiling panels and outside the thick blast door. And it was then that I realized that it was only a matter of minutes till they found me.
I tried to be a quiet as I could as I loaded my last 50 round clip into my TSA standard light machine gun. As I heard the metallic clicks get louder and louder in the vents, I leaned against the farthest wall in the small room. I steadied my rifle and aimed it at the upper left vent, for I took a wild guess that this is the vent they would ambush me from. I guessed right.
As I fixed my stone cold stare at the vent I could see a shadow like figure at the end of the vent opening. Beyond the other side of the vent cover I could see only its eyes and its black shadow figure. Why I didn?t fire at that instant I do not know, but when I looked into that creatures eyes all I saw was meaning less anger. After what seemed like a few seconds of glaring at this ghostly entity in this vent. I heard a sharp thump sound and ripping pain through my lower abdomen.
I gripped tightly down on my rifles trigger, the creature had fled the vent opening and ran back into the depths of the ventilation system. All I focused now was this sharp pain in my stomach. As I looked down to examine myself I saw a small hole through my armor and small amounts of blood seeped through. It seemed like this spike was burrowing deeper and deeper into my body, ripping more and more tissue. After about 30 seconds later my breathing got more labored. Just to suck in a few precious amounts of air took all my energy. I got so tired and my vision was so blurry, I lost touch with reality. My rifle slipped out of my hands and fell to the metal floor.
At this time my fate was sealed, just before I slipped into a deep sleep I so craved, I witnessed three of those creatures crawl slowly out of the left vent. They knew I could not fight, and they walked slowly to there dieing pray which they now will enjoy there prize. I slipped into darkness------
The End
-------I could feel the tendons in my legs rip apart as I sprinted down the what seemed like the never ending corridor. My breathing heavy and my vision blurry, I sprinted for the radio control room just around the next turn. I have evaded these damn creatures for to long, Alone. I could not think, my last move was not clear but I knew that if I did not do something now, I would end up like the rest of my squad.
Just as I sprang round that corner I jumped into the radio control room. The room was not very large, only comfortable for maybe 2-3 people at the most. Not many corners or ledges in the room and that lead to my advantage. But as I scanned the room I noticed that this room was my worst choice yet. On ether side of the room were two very small ventilation shafts that were used to cool this very small room for it would get very hot. Realizing that I was wasting time I began my work on the radio equipment.
As I tried to initialize the power on sequence for the radio equipment I kept getting fatal errors. I opened the lower access panels to check the wiring of the equipment I saw that most of the wires were torn and scattered, the internal panels were shredded and ripped in pieces. Small holes big enough for small dog like creatures would fit. After observing this I shut the access panels instantly. Fearing one of those??thing might take a leg.
After checking my ammunition I realized I have used all but a extra 50 bullet clip that I kept for emergency use only. After trying to grab ahold of the situation I heard a series of metallic clicks around in the ceiling panels and outside the thick blast door. And it was then that I realized that it was only a matter of minutes till they found me.
I tried to be a quiet as I could as I loaded my last 50 round clip into my TSA standard light machine gun. As I heard the metallic clicks get louder and louder in the vents, I leaned against the farthest wall in the small room. I steadied my rifle and aimed it at the upper left vent, for I took a wild guess that this is the vent they would ambush me from. I guessed right.
As I fixed my stone cold stare at the vent I could see a shadow like figure at the end of the vent opening. Beyond the other side of the vent cover I could see only its eyes and its black shadow figure. Why I didn?t fire at that instant I do not know, but when I looked into that creatures eyes all I saw was meaning less anger. After what seemed like a few seconds of glaring at this ghostly entity in this vent. I heard a sharp thump sound and ripping pain through my lower abdomen.
I gripped tightly down on my rifles trigger, the creature had fled the vent opening and ran back into the depths of the ventilation system. All I focused now was this sharp pain in my stomach. As I looked down to examine myself I saw a small hole through my armor and small amounts of blood seeped through. It seemed like this spike was burrowing deeper and deeper into my body, ripping more and more tissue. After about 30 seconds later my breathing got more labored. Just to suck in a few precious amounts of air took all my energy. I got so tired and my vision was so blurry, I lost touch with reality. My rifle slipped out of my hands and fell to the metal floor.
At this time my fate was sealed, just before I slipped into a deep sleep I so craved, I witnessed three of those creatures crawl slowly out of the left vent. They knew I could not fight, and they walked slowly to there dieing pray which they now will enjoy there prize. I slipped into darkness------
Comments
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->On ether side of the room were two very small ventilation shafts that were used to cool this very small room for it would get very hot.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
For it would get very hot seems too descriptive. We already probably know that, due to the radio equipment. Maybe something like...
On either side of the room were two, rectangular shafts that pulled the unreal heat from the room, exchanging it for the cold that soothed.
Something like that...
good work so far
this might be a typo, It's probably meaningless <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo--> (I love double meanings)
I'm guessing that he got parastied by a skulk, and most of the fan-fic writers no that parasites don't do that much damage...
and luberjack makes an excellent point that I agree with
thanks for the feedback, i have a few more plans for a more in depth story about 801st TSA Airborn Ranger Division. but unless i get around to getting started on a plot all im doing now on the idea is brain storming.
anyways stay tuned for more NS shorts by me in the future.
Shouldn't be Space Rangers, due to the lack of air? <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
Can't wait for the next chapter... episode..... thing.
hmp
and it should be space rangers <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
me wants more
how about "space commandoes" or something less homosexual... <----------censcored
Depends on the writer, I actually think we're seeing too many 3. person fanfics, it seems to me all of them are starting to sound the same. Not sure how this one uses the 1. person perspective though, must admit that the grammar issues got me too annoyed to read on after the first few lines.(Yeah, I'm just grumpy <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->)
however the thing that I find intersting is how to do stuff from a kharaa POV becuase it's hard to do first person becuase we don't know if the aliens are he/she/it <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
still, good times no?
however the thing that I find intersting is how to do stuff from a kharaa POV becuase it's hard to do first person becuase we don't know if the aliens are he/she/it <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
still, good times no? <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
second person <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
EDIT- where is a great place for more information about the backround of TSA, not what they have on the main site more like dates, information on technology ect. since im a new writer that information could be usefull. thanks
<!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Do what th@ kid said and look at the stickies at the top of the forum page.