The Long Joke

After reading that... simple shaggy joke, it remided me of this. I dug it from the depths, so all of you who missed can enjoy it also! Make sure you have a good chunk of free time for it though!

<b>note: Dont skip anything, it ruins the story if you skip even 1 sentence </b>. Have fun guys! P.S. - DONT Complain it's too long, just read!
Here we go:
It was third period on a beautiful Monday morning. Joe comes walking into the classroom late, with a look of complete tiredness on his face. His best friend, Rob, happens to notice that he’s late, and asks him what the #### for. Joe just says, “I was up late” and gets to his seat. Rob is curious, and asks, “what kept you up late?” to which Joe replies “nothing man, don’t worry about it.”

Another week goes by, and again, 3rd period on Monday, Joe comes into the classroom looking even more tired than the previous week. Rob is incredibly curious, and he says, “Man, were you up late again?” and Joe says “yeah” rob thinks for a minute about what could possibly keep him up so late every Sunday night. Then rob says “I’m serious man, I’ve been your best friend since third grade, and I’m incredibly curious, will you please tell me what keep you up so late? You act like its such a secret, and you wont tell anyone, even your best friend.”

After a while of begging, Joe finally agrees to tell him. He says “OK! Just keep quiet about it; I can use your help anyways. Make plans to stay at my house next Sunday night, and come to school with me on Monday. Tell your mom you’re working on a project with me or something.”

“COOL!” shouts Rob.

So the weekend rolls around, and Rob is incredibly excited to learn about this mysterious thing that keeps his best friend up ever Sunday night. On Saturday night, Joe calls up Rob, and tell him to bring a coat, and a flashlight.

Sunday rolls around, and Rob gets over to Joe’s house as early as he can. He says “OK SHOW ME NOW!” and Joe says, “Not until everyone is in bed, just keep calm.”

At about midnight, Joe’s mother and little brother are finally in bed, sound asleep. Joe makes his rounds from room to room, shutting off all the lights, and checking his mother and little brothers room, making sure they’re sound asleep.

He goes back to his room, and tell Rob to get his coat on, and grab his flashlight. Rob goes to his bed, and pulls it into the middle of his room. He grabs the carpet by the corner, and pulls it up, revealing a trap door underneath. He takes a key from his pocket, and unlocks it. It opens up to reveal a large hole in the ground. He grabs his flashlight and says, “after you.”

Rob climbs into the hole, onto a ladder. He begins his long decent. It must have been 10 minutes before he reaches ground. Joe is right behind him. Joe says “we are now over 300 feet underground”

“300 FEET?!?!! HOLY #### THAT’S A LONG WAY!” yells Rob.

“We’re just getting started,” Joe says with a little laugh”

Rob turns away from the ladder for the first time, to see a tunnel slanting slightly downwards, that goes as far as he could see. “You gotta be kidding me!” he says.

“Nope!” replies Joe, again with a little laugh. “Lets get ta walking”

So they start descending through the tunnel. After a half an hour or so, Rob is tire, and asks “are we there yet?”

“Nope” replies Rob, and continues walking. Finally, after another 2 hours or so, they reach a big wooden door. “Its been a good 10 miles or so by now since we left the ladder” says Joe.

Rob lets out a sigh and stops in front of the door to catch his breath. Joe pulls out his keys once again, and unlocks the big wooden door. He turns the knob and opens it slowly. Rob is behind him trying to catch a glimpse of what’s beyond the door. Joe open it and steps through it. Rob follows, and yells “SON OF A #####!” at the sight of a long spiraling stairway.

Joe laughs and starts walking down. Rob reluctantly follows, ###### off at the journey. After about 30 minutes, they finally reach the end of the stairs. “FINALLY!” exclaims Rob. “We’re there now right?” Joe laughs starts walking again. “JOE! ###### JOE! WE’RE THERE RIGHT?!”

At the bottom of the stairway, there’s another small room, again with a huge wooden door. Joe pulls out his keys again, and unlocks the door. He swings it open, to reveal nothing but another long hallway. “Don’t worry, this ones not as bad” says Joe.

So they begin walking down this hallway, and after about half an hour, they are at another big wooden door. Joe opens it to reveal another stairway, this time stretching straight ahead. They walk down it, Rob quite out of it by now. He’s tired, and it’s way past his bed time.

After a good 10 minutes or so, they finally make it to another large wooden door. Joe again takes out his keys, and opens the door. He walks into the room slowly, as if making sure everything in the room was ok. In the middle of the room, he pulls on a cord dangling from the ceiling. This turns on a light. Just a single light bulb hanging from the center of the room. Rob looks around the room in disbelief of what he sees. Refrigerators lined the walls of the medium sized room. Joe walks up to one of the fridges, and opens it up. Inside, there’s nothing but buckets, with lids on them. He pulls out 2 of them, and peels the lids off. Inside the buckets, there’s nothing but meat. Scraps of raw red meat.

Rob is confused, but is too tired to ask what its for. In the room, opposite of the wooden door, there’s a huge metal door, even bigger than the wooden ones. Rob asks how far underground they are, to which Joe replies “oh, I’d say about 7 or 8 miles”

Rob noticed as they walked, it kept getting colder and colder. He was in disbelief that his best friend had these tunnels and caves under his room, and he never told him about it.

They walk over to the big metal door, and Joe again pulls out his keys. He unlocks one of the many locks, then exchanges his keys for another set, and unlocks 2 more locks. He obviously didn’t want anything getting in (or out) of the room beyond this door.

He tell Rob “no flashlights from here on out. And here’s your warning: what you see in this room, is to be kept inside this room, and never discussed outside of the room. Never mention it to anyone, including myself.” Rob nods his head in agreement, and doesn’t say a word.

They put their flashlights on the ground beside the door, and Joe slowly swings it open, peering around inside to make sure everything is in its place. Joe tells Rob to hold his coat, and follow him into the room. A little into the room, Joe again pulls on a string hanging from the ceiling, turning on a single light bulb, and flooding the room with light.

What Rob saw before him, was the most amazing thing he had ever seen in his entire life. He yelled out of fear, but Joe calmed him down, and told him it was ok. Behind a HUGE set of metal bars Rob made out an enormous blue gorilla. The gorilla was standing facing the bars, holding on to them as a jailed person would behind bars. It had to have been 12 feet tall. It was snarling, exposing its teeth, stained red from all of the raw meat he had eaten. Its eyes were huge, and just added to the scariness of it. Rob was scared out of his mind.

Joe talked to the gorilla, telling it to get back, and to calm down. It stepped away from the bars, and took a seat on the ground. Joe put the buckets of meat inside of its cage, and quickly lept back. The enormous gorilla grabbed a bucket, and dumped it down his throat, only chewing a couple times, then repeated with the other bucket. It then returned to its spot on the floor.

Rob was still in disbelief at what he was looking at. They sat in some chairs outside of the cage, and started talking to each other. Joe told him the story of how he came upon the gorilla: “you see, my dad was forced to go to war in Africa many years ago. He returned home for a couple days, and that’s when he gave it to me. He taught me how to maintain it, and he gave me the keys to the doors.”

After a while of talking, the gorilla was playing by itself in the cage with some toys it had. “It actually looks kinda cute….. can I pet it?” asks Rob.

“NO!” exclaims Joe. “My father told me before he gave it to me, that I must never EVER touch it.”

“never?” asked Rob.

“never.” Said Joe. “he said that If anyone eve touched it, it would chase them to the end of the earth to catch them. There would be no escaping the gorilla.” Rob agreed to never try to touch it. “ok, we better get going now, the sun will be up soon, and we have school to get to,” said Joe.

So they began their walk back. They opened the metal door again, and Rob caught one final glimpse of the amazing beast. They picked up their flashlights, and Joe set the 2 empty buckets into a pile with many other buckets. He locks up the 3 locks on the door, and pulls the string again, turning the light off. They click on their flashlights, and walk out through the wooden door, which Joe locks behind him. They walk up the stairway, taking the at least a half of an hour again. They pass through the other wooden door, which Joe again locks behind him.

They climb the upward slanting hallway, reaching the top after another half of an hour. The again pass through a wooden door, which Joe locks behind him again. Again, they climb the stairs, this time the spiral ones. Another half an hour wasted on climbing. They get to the top of those, and they pass through the wooden door at the top, which Joe locks behind him. They walk for a couple hours, finally reaching the end of the 10 mile hallway, and are at the bottom of the huge ladder. Rob hops on first, with Joe right behind. After 15 or 20 minutes, they make it to the top of the 300 foot tall ladder, and are again going through the trap door into Joe’s room. Rob comes out first, and peers around. Out the window he sees daylight. So much for sleeping. He looks at the clock, which says 10:22 AM. They were already late for school. Joe comes through the trap door, which he closes, and locks. He flips the carpet back over, and slides his bed back over the area.

He says “Alright, I’m gonna hop in the shower downstairs, you can take upstairs, just make it fast”

So they both shower, and grab their books, and off to school they go with no sleep. They get there during 3rd period, both of them looking beat. They give their tardy admissions to the teacher, and take their seats. At lunch that day, Rob says to Joe, very quietly “Yo man, can I stay over again on Sunday so we can go see the big gorr____”

“He’s interrupted by Joe who says “NEVER talk about it in school!” to which Rob says “ok”

“Later on, Joe says “Yes, you can stay over Sunday again.”

Rob jumps for joy hearing that. He’s incredibly excited to see the big blue gorilla again. He thinks about what it would be like to touch it. He wonders if the fur is as soft as it looks.

The weekend rolls around, and they are all caught up on their sleep. Rob gets to Joe’s house around dinner time on Sunday, and they eat, and go to play Nintendo in Joe’s room. At midnight, Joe makes his rounds, checking on his mother and brother to make sure theyre sound asleep.

Back in his room, he grabs a flashlight, his keys, and puts on his coat. He moves the bed out of the way, and pulls up the carpet. He pulls out his keys, unlocking the trap door, and opens it. “After you” he says to Rob.

Rob climbs into the tunnel, and begins his long descent down the ladder. 10 minutes and 300 feet later, he finally reaches the bottom.

They turn and walk the 10 mile downward slanting hallway. 2 hours later, they finally make it to the big wooden door. Joe takes out his keys, and unlocks it, and walks through. They walk down the long spiraling stairs, and at the bottom, they’re at the next door. Joe unlocks it too, and they walk through. They walk down this hallway, for about a mile. 30 minutes later, they’re at the next big wooden door. Joe unlocks it, and walks through. They walk down the huge straight stairway, and 30 minutes later, they’re at the bottom.

Finally, the last big wooden door. They open it slowly after unlocking it, and Joe again peers around to make sure everything is in its place. He pulls the string hanging from the ceiling, and the light comes on. Everything is in its right place. Joe opens a fridge, and pulls out another 2 buckets. He peels the lid off, and again, its full of raw red meat.

They approach the huge metal door, and Joe pulls out his keys. He unlocks the first lock, then exchanges the keys for the other set, and unlocks the other 2 locks. He reminds Rob to turn off his flashlight, and he does the same. They again leave them on the ground by the door. Joe slowly opens the door, and looks around. Rob grabs his coat again, and follows him into the dark room. Joe pulls on the light cord, and the light comes on. Rob turns immediately to the bars, behind which the gorilla awakes from its slumber, and runs to the bars and rattles them. He snarls his beastly snarl, and shows his blood stained teeth.

“Joe tells it to get back and calm down, which it does. Before he could put the food in the cage, Rob asks “can I feed it please?!?!”

Joe reluctantly agrees. Handing Rob the buckets. Rob sets the buckets in the cage, and leaps back. The gorilla leaps up, and grabs the buckets, and devours their contents one at a time.

Joe and Rob sit back on their chairs, and talk again. Rob again asks if he can touch it, and Joe yells “NO! if you touch it, it will chase you to the end of the Earth to get you. There’s no escaping this gorilla.”

They decide they better leave now. Joe grabs the 2 buckets from the cage, and they walk through the metal doorway after turning off the light. Again on the way out, Rob tries to get one last glimpse of the beast. They grab their flashlights, and Joe locks all three locks behind them. He stacks the bucket with the rest, and pulls the string again, turning off the light. They flick on their flashlights, and begin their long walk back to Joe’s house. Out the big wooden door, and lock it behind them. Up the big straight staircase. 30 minutes of nothing but climbing stairs. At the top, they lock the wooden door behind them, and continue. They walk the mile long stretch of hallway to the big spiraling staircase. Locking the wooden door behind them, they start their long walk up the stairs. At the top, they reach the last wooden door, which they lock behind them, and walk the 10 mile stretch to the ladder. Rob climbs up first, and 15 minutes later, he emerges in Joe’s room. Instinctively, he looks at the clock: 10:35 AM.

They’re late again, so they follow the same routine; quickly showering, and leaving.

They get to school during 3rd period, completely exhausted. All that walking and climbing for 10 minutes of happiness with the gorilla.

Over the next couple months, Rob continues going with Joe every Sunday night to feed the gorilla. Until one week, Joe tells Rob that he has to go on vacation with his mother and his brother. He tells Rob that he has to do him a favor, and feed the gorilla by himself.

Rob agrees, and Joe says “REMEMBER! DO NOT TOUCH IT! IT WILL CHASE YOU TO THE END OF THE EARTH TO CATCH YOU! THERES NO ESCAPING THIS GORILLA!”

Rob agrees, and they go on their way to their next class.

The weekend rolls around, and Joe has Rob over on Friday night. He goes over exactly what to do, and gives Rob the keys. He tells him what keys do what, and how to use them.

The next morning, Joe leaves on his vacation. Rob stays at his house for the weekend, and when Sunday rolls around, he starts to get very excited. At midnight, he grabs his coat, flashlight, and the keys, and pulls the bed out of the way. He pulls up the carpet, and unlocks the trap door. He opens it, and climbs inside. Down the 300 foot ladder he goes. 10 minutes later he’s at the beginning of the 10 mile long tunnel. He walks it, and at then end, he unlocks and opens the first big wooden door, which he goes through. Down down down he goes, to the bottom of the long spiraling stairway. At the bottom, he unlocks the next door, and goes through.

He walks the next tunnel, and unlocks and goes through the big wooden door at the end. Down the long straight stairs he goes, until he’s finally at the bottom. He unlocks the last wooden door, and slowly goes through, checking around to be sure nothing is out of place. Everything is in its place, so he pulls the string, filling the room with light once again. He opens up a fridge, and pulls out 2 buckets. He peels the lids off, and the meat is all there.

He goes to the big metal door. He unlocks the first lock, exchanges the keys, and unlocks the second set. He puts his flashlight on the floor beside the door, and opens the door slowly. He peers around inside, making sure it was ok. He makes his way to the light, and pulls the string, turning it on. He sees the big blue beast in its cage, and it leaps up and does its normal snarling, showing its red teeth routine. Rob tells it to get back and calm down, which it does. He throws in the food, and it gobbles it up as quickly as ever. Rob checks his watch, and hes way ahead of schedule, so he can stay longer this time. He takes his seat in his chair, watching as the beast plays. Eventually, the beast goes back to sleep, right by the bars. He’s still tempted to couch it, and feel its dark blue fur in his fingers. It looks so soft.

After a while of contemplation, he decides to just lightly touch it. Its asleep, how ould it notice a hand moving through its fur?

He slowly approaches the bars, being careful not to wake it. He slowly sticks his arm through the bars, and lightly touches the fur. The beast is awakened at the first touch of the hand. It jumps up and lets out the loudest, most ear deafening roar ever let out. Rob jumps back, and falls on the ground. The beast grabs the bars, and starts rattling them, trying to get out. Dust begins to fall from the ceiling where the bars go in.

Rob can tell the bars are coming down, so he runs from the room, and locks the metal door behind him. He sprints through the room, and through the wooden door, locking it behind him too. Behind him, he can hear the banging of the bars as they begin to come free. He runs up the stairs, and behind him, he can hear the bars drop to the ground, and the big metal door is now being pounded on. At the top of the long stairway, he locks the next wooden door, and starts running again. He hears the metal door drop, and the first wooden door is broken through slightly after.

At the end of the fist long tunnel, he can hear the beast smash through the door at the top of the stairs. He locks the next door behind him, and runs up the stairs. At the top, he can hear the door at the bottom being smashed through. He can hear the beasts footsteps as it climbs the stairs. He locks the last wooden door behind him, and starts the long run to the ladder. After only a little bit of running, he hears the beast smash through the door, and again, he hears massive footsteps as the beast gets closer.

The footsteps get louder as the beast gets closer and closer. At the bottom of the ladder, it seems like the beast is right behind him. As he makes it up the ladder, the beast reaches the bottom. Half way up, the beast is at the bottom. He makes it out the top of the trap door, and quickly closes and locks it, and slides the bed back over it.

Immediately he can hear the beast banging on the door, trying to get through. Rob runs through the front door of his house, and hops into his car. As he pulls from the driveway, he sees the beast in daylight for the first time, as it emerges from the house. Rob guns it, and the gorilla chases after him. 20, 30, 40, 55 mph, the beast is still keeping up! Soon, robs gas is getting low, and having pulled away from the gorilla a bit, he stops at a house, and steals their 4-wheeler. He takes off through a field on that too, and the gorilla keeps chasing him. He soon reaches a large river, a mile to the other side. He parks the 4-wheeler and runs to a boat on the dock. He hops in, starts it up, and takes off in it. He thinks for sure he’ll lose the gorilla now. How many gorillas swim?

Well, he failed to think about how many gorillas are blue. The gorilla hopped into the water, and started following him in the boat. Rob had the boat full throttle, and the gorilla was keeping up, swimming at an incredible speed. Finally on the other side of the river, the gorilla is barely behind anymore. Rob hops out of the boat, and starts running.

He looks for something he can drive, or use to get away, but he has no luck. So he just keeps running. He can hear the beast’s footsteps behind him, only several feet.

He glances over his shoulder to see how close the beast is. Its only feet away. As soon as he turns around, he runs straight into a tree, knocking him to the ground.

He looks up to see the gorilla slowly approaching him. Apparently closing in on his kill. His vision is blurred from the impact, so he sees 3 gorillas staring him in the face. Red teeth exposed, the gorilla reaches out, touches him on the arm, and says “you’re it”.