Ugh... What To Do, What To Do...
<div class="IPBDescription">um... What to do?</div> Sorry, since this is a great place to vent, I decided to throw my troubles onto you people.
I've just started college, and for probably the first time in my life, I think I'm truely infuated with someone. Sure I've dated my fair share of girls, but those were truely lust, and honestly, I didn't find much of intrest in them other than the fact that they were female, and rather nice looking.
Along comes Heather. A wonderful young lady that I hit it off with very well right at college orientation. We talk, blah blah blah, and soon we end up spending most nights, from 11-1 am in the morning just sitting in my room and talking. Yes, talking.
The weird thing is, I feel wonderful. I don't get any urge to try to just throw her on her back and make hot monkey love to her, instead.... I just want to hold her.... and hold her I did, as we took a little nap together cuddled up a few afternoons ago....
Now comes the hard part (I hope you are all still with me)... yup, she's already taken, and felt extremely guilty afterwards, even though no intimate contact was made (well, cuddling and holding hands yes). The worst thing is, I knew she was taken by someone off campus (back where she comes from, an hour and a half drive) beforehand.... And yet, I still didn't stop myself from happily laying beside her.
I confronted her about it, and we still continue to have our every night chit-chats, and she flat out told me that she's as much to blame, and that if she didn't want it at the time, she wouldn't have done it.
Argh... I know I sound like a jerk, but she really seems to care about her boyfriend, and as much as I care about her being happy, I wish for nothing more than for them to be driven apart by something such as distance....
I've never felt this sappy about something of this nature before, and I'm tired as hell.... So I think I'm going to just go crash for the night, maybe after my classes end at noon tommorow I'll post more....
I feel better now, but any advice or just simple imput would be nice....
I've just started college, and for probably the first time in my life, I think I'm truely infuated with someone. Sure I've dated my fair share of girls, but those were truely lust, and honestly, I didn't find much of intrest in them other than the fact that they were female, and rather nice looking.
Along comes Heather. A wonderful young lady that I hit it off with very well right at college orientation. We talk, blah blah blah, and soon we end up spending most nights, from 11-1 am in the morning just sitting in my room and talking. Yes, talking.
The weird thing is, I feel wonderful. I don't get any urge to try to just throw her on her back and make hot monkey love to her, instead.... I just want to hold her.... and hold her I did, as we took a little nap together cuddled up a few afternoons ago....
Now comes the hard part (I hope you are all still with me)... yup, she's already taken, and felt extremely guilty afterwards, even though no intimate contact was made (well, cuddling and holding hands yes). The worst thing is, I knew she was taken by someone off campus (back where she comes from, an hour and a half drive) beforehand.... And yet, I still didn't stop myself from happily laying beside her.
I confronted her about it, and we still continue to have our every night chit-chats, and she flat out told me that she's as much to blame, and that if she didn't want it at the time, she wouldn't have done it.
Argh... I know I sound like a jerk, but she really seems to care about her boyfriend, and as much as I care about her being happy, I wish for nothing more than for them to be driven apart by something such as distance....
I've never felt this sappy about something of this nature before, and I'm tired as hell.... So I think I'm going to just go crash for the night, maybe after my classes end at noon tommorow I'll post more....
I feel better now, but any advice or just simple imput would be nice....
Comments
....Thats.... terrible man...
Its important that you do not pressure her because she is in a really difficult situation and needs some time to think about things.
Sounds like you have a really special relationship. Good Luck man!
It's like in the films [fillums?]... you will cheat on her, but then her boyfriend two states over will find out by crazy chance and have a mad road trip and come up and beat you up
it will be hilarious, but you'll feel bad
/WHACK
Okay it's eediot again, sorry about that. The bad man is gone now. You can love someone and not have sex with them, or even be boyfriend/girlfriend. That's the whole point of having a "meaningful" relationship, or something. Living for eachother doesn't mean they can't love someone else as well, on a more sexual/etc level...
You know the age-old saying: Better to love someone you can't be with, than be stuck on the NS boards with me.
What you're doing is overreacting about the situation. Nothing happened... you clicked, but not in a sexual way. There was nothing wrong with what you did, don't be worried about the boyfriend or 'cheating'. Sounds like you could be MEGA UBER EXTREME TO THE MAX best friends, something you don't get a lot of. So don't blow it by going on an unneccessary guilt trip.
Don't feel guilty, nothing happened. There is room in your heart for more than one person, or even one fat person.
1) She breaks up with her current boyfriend to be with you. You're happy, he's sad.
2) She doesn't break up with him, but continues to talk to you and be with you all the time. Boyfriend is happy, you feel like crap because the girl you think you're in love with is so close and so far away at the same time.
2a) She doesn't break up with him. Instead, she uses you as sort of a surrogate boyfriend while he's away - allowing you to provide company, and perhaps sometimes a cuddle, but never anything more. This is sometimes referred to as being a "cuddle b***h"
3) You go too far. She stops seeing you. Everyone's unhappy.
The way I see it, you're becoming romantically involved with someone you know you shouldn't be. You can keep having your late-night talks if you want, but stop touching her. No cuddling, no holding hands, nada. It's not appropriate, she's taken.
When or <i>if</i> she breaks up with her current boyfriend, be there to properly console her, wait a decent interval (more than like, an hour <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->), and then ask her out.
Yea, I'm still unsure of what to do though :-\
you can stay good friends with osme one, have said long conversations etc etc.
just be carful, don't ever attempt to jump her bones, a hug is generaly ok (depends on people, hugs are normal form of greating for those in my circle).
Again, if you don't wana pounce her then you are set any way, you HAVE the person you can sit around and have nice long chats with (I have had many female friends that I did/do this with. even when I have a GF (having some one to tlak to when your respective other is at the oposit corner of PA (PA has a very LONG diagonal) is a good thing)
This is up to her. It sounds as if she's quite attracted to you. But then, she has a boyfriend. What is her relationship with him? Does she really care for him? Or is it a physical relationship, or a relationship of convenience (you hook up cause there's no one else better)? If she really, deeply cares for this guy, you might want to start distancing yourself, for both of your sakes. Even though it hurts.
One last thing, which you seem to realize already: DO NOT GET PHYSICAL. And you know what I mean. You've been talking, holding hands, cuddling. If that's fine, then fine. But if you guys go too far, it's only going to make things very very difficult by introducing lots of guilt on both of your parts. And then there's the potential for both of you to be hurt badly.
....Thats.... terrible man...
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Well the red guy in B&W would say something along those lines, just saying what the red guy would say.
Anway, surely you could just soul mates or something ?
2) She doesn't break up with him, but continues to talk to you and be with you all the time. Boyfriend is happy, you feel like crap because the girl you think you're in love with is so close and so far away at the same time.
2a) She doesn't break up with him. Instead, she uses you as sort of a surrogate boyfriend while he's away - allowing you to provide company, and perhaps sometimes a cuddle, but never anything more. This is sometimes referred to as being a "cuddle b***h"
3) You go too far. She stops seeing you. Everyone's unhappy. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
4) Things get a little kinky and she decides to keep both.... with sexy results.
I honestly don't know just how close she is to her boyfriend, it would probably help if I did :-\
Xzilen, no matter what, do not try and pressure her into leaving her boyfriend. That way can only lead to disaster. If she is with someone whom she loves you're not going to be able to break that, and you shouldn't try to if you truely do feel about her this way. Now she might not love this other bloke, but regardless, she is in a relationship with him. It must be her choice to end the relationship is she so choses and she can't be forced into that. Trying to do that will only result in her holding onto her current bf even more.
If it's not too hard, stay friends with her. Now if she does love her current bf, little short of him or her cheating on the other is going to break them up. If that's what becomes clear as you get to know her better, either resign yourself to eternal friendship or walk away. If you can't stand just being friends, walk away. It may hurt now, but it's much better than being hurt heaps in the long run. If she doesn't love her bf, things turn sour and one of the two leaves, you're there to offer emotional support and help her get through a tough time. Now she may chose after that to see you as more than just a friend. If she doesn't though give it up and stay friends or walk away. Pressuring her into something she doesn't want is a sure fire way to get kicked in the balls and never spoken to again.
She does sound like a wonderful person, and such people make excellent friends. Even if you and her never hook up, being friends with her could still be very rewarding. Unless you can't stand the thought of never "having" her, stick around. Friendships can lead to relationships, and even if they don't, a good friendship is not something to despise.
<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>(on another note: if she ditches him for you, what will stop her from ditching you for another?)</span>
<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>(on another note: if she ditches him for you, what will stop her from ditching you for another?)</span> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Already thought about that second part. The other part..... is just wrong man.
Tried that, dosen't work. Be careful X....I had the same relationship going, don't fall for her yet if you can avoid it, I did that and it led to a year and a half of hurt.
That was really sweet actually.... Now I feel bad about my oh, I dunno.
Time for some more Smashing Pumpkins, their happy..... errr um, okay whatever.
If you value her as a friend (you weren't talking just to court with her, which it sounds like), be there for her. Be her friend. Just remember that you have your limitations, she has hers. If you want to try and take advantage of the situation, just remember that you're both mature enough to know when to stop, and if one of you gets carried away, it's up to the other to slow/stop things. Be mature, don't interrupt the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. You're her friend, a GOOD friend. Be that for her. (pretend you're ****? I don't know, I've done it before, I never got the girl, but I have a great friend still)
Another situation is that you become her on-campus man. And I don't mean her cover to keep those drunk frat bois from hitting on her. You learn to live a dual life. You feel miserable at being second dog, etc. I didn't try this one, too much hurt all around from this situation.
Be her friend. Nothing more. Keep in mind that americans have different standards for friends than other countries. Holding hands and cuddling *can* be allowed for "just friends." Some other things.. that makes you something else.
Just remember that this is your life, you live it the way you feel you should. Use us as experience and knowledge, but don't use us as your answer.
Though I have no experience whatsoever , I'd suggest you to investigate the boyfriend , and (jealousy aside) find out if he deserves her love. If he's remotely brutal with her , don't hesitate to use this to your advantage , you shall.
@person who's having trouble with girl#126765:
she's probably a little taken with you, but still loves her bf. just wait and she'll lose interest, and your friendship will be no more.
also don't go conquering her, as a relationship built upon the carcass of another is always doomed.
@person who's having trouble with girl#126765:
she's probably a little taken with you, but still loves her bf. just wait and she'll lose interest, and your friendship will be no more.
also don't go conquering her, as a relationship built upon the carcass of another is always doomed. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I don't think a 13 year-old would have understood what I wrote there but NEVERMIND, the fearless mods shall smite thy posts nevertheless...