Drugs & The Use Of..
<div class="IPBDescription">advice.</div> hey, its me the guy who has more emotional problems then mremotion.
ill say the long version then i will summarise.. for anyone who wants to understand read the long..
in short.. the person i am engaged to has done drugs b4.. but until tonight.. i was only aware that it was Weed and Acid like once or twice... but it turns out that she has done Cocaine, Ecstasy,heroine and i dont know if i can still carry on with her..
she says the heroine isnt her fault.. cos like it was in the ecstasy.. but that really doesnt make it better.
when i was a kid. my real father put ciggaretes out on me. he raped my mother. and it was all drug related... i am adopted.. im usually a happy 18 y/o ya know... but never theless i got taken from my real mother cos of drugs.. i got told i was adopted when i was 8 years old.. and from then on i swore.. like on everything i believed in.. never to get close to people who are involved in drugs.. have taken drugs.. or anythign like that... and i mean, i kept to it. im 18 and i have never touched.. hung out with any proper drug people.. and like i dont count weed.. i dont DO it but i accept it isnt exactly hardcore.
and so in short... i was looking into renting a place with this girl... our future together.. and then it all gets shattered by finding out she was into the very stuff i brought myself up to hate..
and i mean HATE... its like i was looking at a pic of her.. and its not like her cute little nose.. its her nose which she snorted coke up.
and quite frankly it makes me freaking sick...
so yeah i need advice.. anyone been involvd in drugs or have anything to interject.. and if you wanna answer but like dont wanna say feel more then free to pm me.. cos i really need help.
its not as simple as.. it was in the past.. and you love her.. cos like.. this is the reason.. i am not with my birth mother.. it stems deeper then that i have a hatred in my blood for anyone who abuses drugs..
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short version.
my fiancee has turned out to have used to do drugs.. specifically ones i hate, and it has now had such a hammer on our relationship.. cos this person i had so much overwhelming lvoe for.. has now turned out to be part of the people i hate.. and am conditioned to hate..
--
so yeah please please give me some advice.. cos honestly? yeah im an 18 y/o guy with tears streamin down his face now.. cos the one true love i found.. i may have to push away.
ill say the long version then i will summarise.. for anyone who wants to understand read the long..
in short.. the person i am engaged to has done drugs b4.. but until tonight.. i was only aware that it was Weed and Acid like once or twice... but it turns out that she has done Cocaine, Ecstasy,heroine and i dont know if i can still carry on with her..
she says the heroine isnt her fault.. cos like it was in the ecstasy.. but that really doesnt make it better.
when i was a kid. my real father put ciggaretes out on me. he raped my mother. and it was all drug related... i am adopted.. im usually a happy 18 y/o ya know... but never theless i got taken from my real mother cos of drugs.. i got told i was adopted when i was 8 years old.. and from then on i swore.. like on everything i believed in.. never to get close to people who are involved in drugs.. have taken drugs.. or anythign like that... and i mean, i kept to it. im 18 and i have never touched.. hung out with any proper drug people.. and like i dont count weed.. i dont DO it but i accept it isnt exactly hardcore.
and so in short... i was looking into renting a place with this girl... our future together.. and then it all gets shattered by finding out she was into the very stuff i brought myself up to hate..
and i mean HATE... its like i was looking at a pic of her.. and its not like her cute little nose.. its her nose which she snorted coke up.
and quite frankly it makes me freaking sick...
so yeah i need advice.. anyone been involvd in drugs or have anything to interject.. and if you wanna answer but like dont wanna say feel more then free to pm me.. cos i really need help.
its not as simple as.. it was in the past.. and you love her.. cos like.. this is the reason.. i am not with my birth mother.. it stems deeper then that i have a hatred in my blood for anyone who abuses drugs..
-----
short version.
my fiancee has turned out to have used to do drugs.. specifically ones i hate, and it has now had such a hammer on our relationship.. cos this person i had so much overwhelming lvoe for.. has now turned out to be part of the people i hate.. and am conditioned to hate..
--
so yeah please please give me some advice.. cos honestly? yeah im an 18 y/o guy with tears streamin down his face now.. cos the one true love i found.. i may have to push away.
Comments
Wait a sec, you're 18? And She is/was your Fiancee?
Dude. Forget it. Move on.
*EDIT* fixed speiliinig
this isnt about my age. this is about the issue.
and she knows. we spoke about it on msn, and she is reading this thread now. i held nothing back.. she knows how i feel.. she knows about my father.. and what he did to me. and so i wouldve expected to be told this.. the day she found out about my father tbh.. take things to this point and then for me to find out? thats **** up.
my fiancee has turned out to have used to do drugs.. specifically ones i hate, and it has now had such a hammer on our relationship.. cos this person i had so much overwhelming lvoe for.. has now turned out to be part of the people i hate.. and am conditioned to hate.."
This is why people lie in a relationship... her next boyfriend may not even know of her past issues, only to tear apart an even deeper relationship when it surfaces. <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo-->
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My point stands.
He asked for my advice... i see no fine print that say "except Trevelyan".
He asks for advice, I provide it, End of process.
Edit: does she still do the drugs or is this a thing from the past?
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i dont get what you mean...
even deeper? i proposed and she said yes... i thought that was as deep as it got.. this is tearing me up.. i cant do this right now i need to take a walk.
if anyone who does use drugs wants to post.. im not about to leap on you or anything dont worry.. its your own choice to make. and i would like to know.. in an attempt to understand why she did it.. what is the attraction? i had a natural aversion with what my fatehr did.. but for people with no qualms one way or the other.. what is the attraction to snort **** like that up your nose.. cos it makes me physically sick just thinking about her doing it..
for a number of reasons (mainly heroin being more expensive than ecstasy type drugs) Heroin is almost never cut into E.
Dancesafe.org who scan ALOT of pills only ever found heroin in ONE. the press of this pill was so poor as to lead the testers to beleive it was a fake (ie. not purchased off the street).
this point bears consideration, as it probably stands that she didnt take Heroin (this matters alot, at least by my standards).
Its really up to you.
from what you have said, it sounds like she took Coke and E without you knowing.
Its really a personal decision, you could look at this as 'drugs are bad'. you could look at this as 'everyone is entitled to experimentation'. Personally, the first thing I would look at this from is 'why didnt she tell you before'.
The most important thing is to not jump to conclusions, or judgements.
in short, talk to her!
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->if anyone who does use drugs wants to post.. im not about to leap on you or anything dont worry.. its your own choice to make. and i would like to know.. in an attempt to understand why she did it.. what is the attraction? i had a natural aversion with what my fatehr did.. but for people with no qualms one way or the other.. what is the attraction to snort **** like that up your nose.. cos it makes me physically sick just thinking about her doing it.. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I've never done anything besides alcohol, but my friend use to be really addicted to heroin and you name it. I asked him why he does it/did it, and he said it's because he's depressed. Lot's of times, kids who do end up using drugs is just because they want to experiment or they have had a rough life (like if their parents did drugs, etc). Goodluck with your girl and her drug problems.
No really, I'm not trying to dis you, but you obviously have a problem you can't seem to control and it is driving you away from the person you love!
(assuming she has totally stopped and regrets ever using it)
You don't _have_ to push her away. If you do, it's because you _want_ to push her away...
So wrong... I've partied with so many friends that went into the armed forces that went cold turkey because of Urine tests and haven't done then since.
Edit: apparently the filter doesnt like my post :-\
Moquiao i suggest you talk to her about it, find out why she did it, if she has done nething else in her past that she aint told you about (not just drugs). Just let her tell you everything that has happened in her past even if its not nice, if bad things have happened then be suportive and be there when she is telling you. Just dont let a small thing like that break you up. if she wont do it again then stay with her.
So wrong... I've partied with so many friends that went into the armed forces that went cold turkey because of Urine tests and haven't done then since.
Edit: apparently the filter doesnt like my post :-\ <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
That's why I said it's not completely true.
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->if anyone who does use drugs wants to post.. im not about to leap on you or anything dont worry.. its your own choice to make. and i would like to know.. in an attempt to understand why she did it.. what is the attraction? i had a natural aversion with what my fatehr did.. but for people with no qualms one way or the other.. what is the attraction to snort **** like that up your nose.. cos it makes me physically sick just thinking about her doing it.. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I've never done anything besides alcohol, but my friend use to be really addicted to heroin and you name it. I asked him why he does it/did it, and he said it's because he's depressed. Lot's of times, kids who do end up using drugs is just because they want to experiment or they have had a rough life (like if their parents did drugs, etc). Goodluck with your girl and her drug problems. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
that is what im worried about... if you snorted **** once.. whats the 'fear' with doing it agian?
like if this upset her whats to sya she wouldnt og out and do it agian..
and yeah SK your right...
to spell it out, when you're rolling on E, you're probably not enjoying a quiet night at home in front of the TV... you're more likely in a club or in some stranger's bedroom... I'm not sure that's the kind of paranoia I could live with having about a fiance... unless you trust that it's in her past... but, like, don't move in together, get married, and then realize that your future consists of her going out all night regularly to god knows where, to 'have fun' with such substances...
I never knew you could mix heroin with ecstacy -- I thought heroin had to be intraveinous and E was oral...
edit: I did want to say I knew how you feel about it changing the way you look at her. my ex got a big ugly tattoo on her back, and I had been so used to thinking it was the most beautiful, pristine back in the world, and it was suddenly all F'd up. Of course a tattoo doesn't really compare to extensive drug use... so I feel a little stupid I made a big deal out of that, now, heh.
to spell it out, when you're rolling on E, you're probably not enjoying a quiet night at home in front of the TV... you're more likely in a club or in some stranger's bedroom... I'm not sure that's the kind of paranoia I could live with having about a fiance... unless you trust that it's in her past... but, like, don't move in together, get married, and then realize that your future consists of her going out all night regularly to god knows where, to 'have fun' with such substances...
I never knew you could mix heroin with ecstacy -- I thought heroin had to be intraveinous and E was oral... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
DZ you hit it on the head mate... i dont know if i can carry it on..
cos yeah, if i didnt know this..
like i dunno for eg.. how did she pay for the drugs or did she not pay... etc.. it raises too many Q's and i dont thnk i can deal
This is a situation that is mostly something you have to decide on, more than what your female friend has done. As you have said, she "has" done drugs, but does she still or does she still have the desire to? I am speaking from experience here. As far as with me, I didnt not consider myself clean and away from drugs until I lost the desire to use them, even after I had stopped. Now, for my life, its irrelavent whether or not I have, because I no longer will or want to use them. I am an entirely different person, with and entirely different life. The change is black and white, I might as well be another person. How this relates to your situation I would say is that, as long as she is truely done with drugs, then it shouldnt matter. They no longer control her life, or her. She has obviously found the evils or drugs and left them behind her. The woman you know now, and are considering starting a life with is not the same as the one who used drugs.
Now I could be wrong here, I am assuming with your vehment hate of drugs she no longer uses them.
Moreover, can you forgive her and accept her for the person she once was? And can you love her for the person she is now? I dont discredit your hate of drugs, nor doubt that it is something deep rooted in you, and rightfully so. Your hatred tho, is of a substance, not of the person. You should talk to her about this, if you havent already. Also considering the severity of some the the drugs she has used, has she been through a program? or seen/seeing a counselor? Both things you should take into consideration and possibly try to do, with you involved for your own personal assurance.
Maybe now is not the time for you to be making such a decision about sharing a living space with this person, seeing as you now have more things to decide and to work out yourself. I myself have made some bad decisions in my life, and hope that people dont hold them against me becauase I have learned from them and used them to try to make myself a better person, and I hope she has done the same.
If you are also upset about just finding this information out, and wondering why she has not told you before, ask yourself this. Would she honestly been able to tell you this and not have lost you completely early on in the relationship? This does not make deception ok, but understand that she may have been fearful that if she told you something about her past, that she herself was ashamed of, she may have feared to loose you. If this is the case, keep in mind that the deception was not intentionally malicous, but conceived in fear.
Again, I can only tell you what I have learned, you need to spend a considerable amount of time figuring out what works for your life, and what stage you are at in coping with what has happened in your life. Sharing a living space with a person is a large and trying step. and not one to be made when there is obvious quesiton and tension between the two people. I wish you the best in this situation, as it is most assuredly a hard one. I hope that in some way I have helped you, if nothing else, brought another perspective into view.
sincerely-
Nikon
but suspicion is better than letting yourself get hurt even more badly in the long run. Wait it out, see what everyone has to say, and then trust your instincts...
theres alot of ways to take both, im told... [i read of a few nutters taking E in a supository to comeup faster]
the point still stands about the heroin, unless she actually injected or smoked (or god forbid snorted) it, she didnt take it, because heroin is never cut into other substances which are cheeper than heroin on its own.
No really, I'm not trying to dis you, but you obviously have a problem you can't seem to control and it is driving you away from the person you love!
(assuming she has totally stopped and regrets ever using it)
You don't _have_ to push her away. If you do, it's because you _want_ to push her away... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
its not that simple.. its not like i dont like drugs just cos...
i was taken from my real parents cos of it. i hear stories of how the guy who made me with the woman.. later RAPED her. he raped my own mother. he put out ciggaretes on me.. i was 6 months old. obviously i dont remember.. but yeah.. its enough to put a depe hatred in me for any kind of drug abusers.. of any length.. basically it raises trust...
at the moment we are apart.. she is 2000000000000 miles away in NY and i am stuck inthe UK..
and i dont know.. she says she regrets it.. but its not like.. ok .. i have had sex with girls.. who turned out to cheat on me.. i regret that... but its like the choice to do drusg is so much more diffeent...
'Moreover, can you forgive her and accept her for the person she once was?' thats the thing.. i cant! i cant forgive it.. i hate it and it makes me sick.
'If you are also upset about just finding this information out, and wondering why she has not told you before, ask yourself this. Would she honestly been able to tell you this and not have lost you completely early on in the relationship?' i wouldve reacted better if she told me earlier.. before i had agreed to put a ring on her finger.
and DZ : I guess it's to her credit that she told you, though. maybe she's trying to turn over a new leaf... maybe I'm more of a suspicious person than I should be... because it's really not hard for a person to conceal anything from each other... she could have kept you in the dark and you'd be happy not knowing...
thats the thing.. she swore to me.. like i mean i have made mistakes b4.. she has made mistakes b4.. but like good or bad.. we swore to tell each other everything... everything.. whether we liked it or not and like.. yeah... she has broken that.
like i said if im 100% honest.. when i met her i was WOW but if i knew her drug past.. i wouldnt have said a second hello.
i feel cheated.. and decieved.. its like.. i want her to pay for it.. if you understand :S
No really, I'm not trying to dis you, but you obviously have a problem you can't seem to control and it is driving you away from the person you love!
(assuming she has totally stopped and regrets ever using it)
You don't _have_ to push her away. If you do, it's because you _want_ to push her away... <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
its not that simple.. its not like i dont like drugs just cos...
i was taken from my real parents cos of it. i hear stories of how the guy who made me with the woman.. later RAPED her. he raped my own mother. he put out ciggaretes on me.. i was 6 months old. obviously i dont remember.. but yeah.. its enough to put a depe hatred in me for any kind of drug abusers.. of any length.. basically it raises trust...
at the moment we are apart.. she is 2000000000000 miles away in NY and i am stuck inthe UK..
and i dont know.. she says she regrets it.. but its not like.. ok .. i have had sex with girls.. who turned out to cheat on me.. i regret that... but its like the choice to do drusg is so much more diffeent... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I think if you are truly in love with her, and you trust her, then you two will live a happy life. Simple as that.
my best advice is to wait it out, I guess... it sounds like you've fallen out of love with her, but maybe you're just angry and it'll pass... you sound really on top of things so I believe you'll make the right choice, whatever it may be. I mean, there are no mistakes, only learning experiences...
Weed and alcohol took my love away from me....that and she was a dumb **** who didn't have her priorties straight....
*sigh*, and people wonder why I drink.
My best advise to you at this point would be to try. You obviously have great feelings towards her, otherwise this post would have never been created. You have to at least try, after that, whatever the outcome, you know you did your best with the situation.
my apologies and best wishes