Ns_timesplitter
Uranium
Join Date: 2002-11-10 Member: 8105Members
Join Date: 2002-11-10 Member: 8105Members
<div class="IPBDescription">Map description</div> Well please forget the spelling and all ther mistakes as this is a draft. Tell me what you think
Marine Commander:
Its been 13 years now. 13 years to the day when the Reigen 103 landed on the satalight Euopa. The day when aggressive life forms where found. I am the only survivor of that incedent, i lost everything, family and all my work. Now I have developed a machine that will open a portal in time. This portal will be just like a mirror, one side is what it is now, the other side is what it was. We have built a full blown replica of the Reigen 103. This will represent the ship in the past, before the alien invasion. From out subspace pictures we have located 3 hives in what we call the alien sector. One of them is located in the cargo bay, one on the command deck, and one in the waste deposit. These haves must be destroyed at all costs. Once this is done the past and future will become one, bringing those who died back to life instantly as if the event never happened. Sleep well tonight my comrads, for tommorrow a war will start, the first war not against a group of humans, but of an alien life. We fight long and hard. Now take a look at this map, study it well. I will see you 7 am sharp.
Master Hive:
13 Years since we have conquered the pitiful human ship Reigen 103. You all should be proud, though this still isnt over. Im positive you all know by know, and feel the strange energy surge. This is from a portal in time that the humans are creating. On one side of this portal is going to be a replica of this exact ship, before we took it over. The ship is mostlikly on planet earth and we must stop all invading soldiers. This is our chance, our chance to rule planet earth. Once we own the replica ship we can start building hives and prepare to invade. Dont fail me my followers. If you fail we will die, our race will fade into nothing. Once this portal is open I want a full scale attack on the foolish marines. Once they are defeated I want you to find a way out of the replica ship and start the invasion. If we own the portal we will be able those thousands who died 13 years ago. This wont be easy, for they have probly changed drasticly, weapons and armor. This still will have no effect against our powerful evolution. Now my gorgs and skuls go out and claim victory.
Again sorry for the discombobulation and such its just some ideas i took down during Alg, English, History.
Marine Commander:
Its been 13 years now. 13 years to the day when the Reigen 103 landed on the satalight Euopa. The day when aggressive life forms where found. I am the only survivor of that incedent, i lost everything, family and all my work. Now I have developed a machine that will open a portal in time. This portal will be just like a mirror, one side is what it is now, the other side is what it was. We have built a full blown replica of the Reigen 103. This will represent the ship in the past, before the alien invasion. From out subspace pictures we have located 3 hives in what we call the alien sector. One of them is located in the cargo bay, one on the command deck, and one in the waste deposit. These haves must be destroyed at all costs. Once this is done the past and future will become one, bringing those who died back to life instantly as if the event never happened. Sleep well tonight my comrads, for tommorrow a war will start, the first war not against a group of humans, but of an alien life. We fight long and hard. Now take a look at this map, study it well. I will see you 7 am sharp.
Master Hive:
13 Years since we have conquered the pitiful human ship Reigen 103. You all should be proud, though this still isnt over. Im positive you all know by know, and feel the strange energy surge. This is from a portal in time that the humans are creating. On one side of this portal is going to be a replica of this exact ship, before we took it over. The ship is mostlikly on planet earth and we must stop all invading soldiers. This is our chance, our chance to rule planet earth. Once we own the replica ship we can start building hives and prepare to invade. Dont fail me my followers. If you fail we will die, our race will fade into nothing. Once this portal is open I want a full scale attack on the foolish marines. Once they are defeated I want you to find a way out of the replica ship and start the invasion. If we own the portal we will be able those thousands who died 13 years ago. This wont be easy, for they have probly changed drasticly, weapons and armor. This still will have no effect against our powerful evolution. Now my gorgs and skuls go out and claim victory.
Again sorry for the discombobulation and such its just some ideas i took down during Alg, English, History.
Comments
In terms of the writing, I was completely unconvinced that the Hive half was from a creature that is part of the Hivemind. Try theming your sentence structure after how a component of the Hivemind would be. For example, I sincerely doubt members would use the word "I" as they are more of a collective, and prone to terms like "we." All in all it just felt a little dry and reportish for a primal alien race.