Armageddon?

lolfighterlolfighter Snark, Dire Join Date: 2003-04-20 Member: 15693Members
edited July 2010 in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">Yes, question marks.</div><a href="http://bbs.stardestroyer.net/viewtopic.php?t=118771" target="_blank">http://bbs.stardestroyer.net/viewtopic.php?t=118771</a>

<!--QuoteBegin-TvTropes+--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (TvTropes)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin-->The Salvation War is a Web Original Documentary trilogy that premiered online in the beginning of 2008, asking a simple question: what if God announced that everyone's time was up, and that Lucifer was coming to claim the bodies and souls of everyone on earth?

The answer author Stuart Slade gives- the governments of the world declare war on Heaven and Hell.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

I've been linking this in #naturalselection several times today, and I figured I might as well post it on the forums too. You should read it. It's ridiculous, it's over-the-top, and it's awesome. After all, can anything beat the awesome of a succubus (disguised as a nubile human female) trying to seduce Bill Clinton, only for him to shotgun her in the stomach? If so, it's this bit:

<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->The senior of the secret servicemen was speaking on the radio. “Stay away from the body please, we don’t know what we’re dealing with here.” Then he turned to Clinton. “Well done sir, but, how did you know?”

Clinton grinned, the easy, friendly grin that won him elections. “I’ve been married to Hilary for thirty years. Believe me, after going through that, I have no trouble recognizing a fiend from hell.”<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

If I haven't convinced you yet, is there any point in even trying?
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Comments

  • TesseractTesseract Join Date: 2007-06-21 Member: 61328Members, Constellation
    There is no point in trying.
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  • lolfighterlolfighter Snark, Dire Join Date: 2003-04-20 Member: 15693Members
    Apparently I haven't convinced anybody. You people are no fun at all. :(
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  • tankefugltankefugl One Script To Rule Them All... Trondheim, Norway Join Date: 2002-11-14 Member: 8641Members, Retired Developer, NS1 Playtester, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Squad Five Blue
    Hey now, I started reading it, but don't expect 85 chapters to be done in a jiff ;)
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  • spellman23spellman23 NS1 Theorycraft Expert Join Date: 2007-05-17 Member: 60920Members
    Well, I must say this is quite the ludicrous and hilarious experience.

    I'm amazed at just how many weapons this guys just likes to drop into the story. Must be quite the military buff.

    I put it on par with HP and the Methods of Rationality.
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  • remiremi remedy [blu.knight] Join Date: 2003-11-18 Member: 23112Members, Super Administrators, Forum Admins, NS2 Developer, NS2 Playtester
    Can I get it as an Audiobook?
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  • lolfighterlolfighter Snark, Dire Join Date: 2003-04-20 Member: 15693Members
    The author is quite a military buff from what I understand (though if you check the notes at the end of chapters you'll see it's not a solitary undertaking), but I believe the ideas aren't all his. In case you didn't notice at the start of the thread or it has since slipped your mind, what I've linked you to is a "cleaned up" version of it. The original thread had lots of posts with commentary, suggestions, requests etc. inbetween the story posts, so I believe the author took suggestions from the audience on what kind of weapons they wanted to see "in action."

    Also: <!--QuoteBegin-TvTropes+--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (TvTropes)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteEBegin-->The writer doesn't shrink from describing exactly what modern weapons do to the people/beings they maim and kill. That was an editorial policy decision; if people want to see their favorite weapons used, they ought to be aware of what those weapons do to their victims.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    It's really bordering on <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Gorn" target="_blank">gorn</a> sometimes.
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  • FaskaliaFaskalia Wechsellichtzeichenanlage Join Date: 2004-09-12 Member: 31651Members, Constellation
    <!--quoteo(post=1789888:date=Jul 31 2010, 04:37 AM:name=tankefugl)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (tankefugl @ Jul 31 2010, 04:37 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1789888"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Hey now, I started reading it, but don't expect 85 chapters to be done in a jiff ;)<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Read the first and last paragraph. Then pretend like you read and understood the whole thing.
    Any decent cfo does it this way.
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  • TesseractTesseract Join Date: 2007-06-21 Member: 61328Members, Constellation
    It still reads like amateur fanfiction written by someone who spent more time researching military terminology than basic "how to write prose" guides.
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  • MonkfishMonkfish Sonic-boom-inducing buttcheeks of terrifying speed&#33; Join Date: 2003-06-03 Member: 16972Members
    Don't crush his little Danish dreams :(
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  • X_StickmanX_Stickman Not good enough for a custom title. Join Date: 2003-04-15 Member: 15533Members, Constellation
    No, he needs to be crushed.

    If I have to sit through any more "hey stickman this quote from this thing you don't care about is funny!" IMs, I swear to god I'm going to fly to North Korea with the specific goal of jump starting their nuclear program so I can hasten the end of the world.
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  • TychoCelchuuuTychoCelchuuu Anememone Join Date: 2002-03-23 Member: 345Members
    Read the first chapter, or part of it at least. Misuse of commas makes my head hurt.
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  • lolfighterlolfighter Snark, Dire Join Date: 2003-04-20 Member: 15693Members
    <!--quoteo(post=1790176:date=Aug 1 2010, 01:12 AM:name=X_Stickman)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (X_Stickman @ Aug 1 2010, 01:12 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1790176"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->No, he needs to be crushed.

    If I have to sit through any more "hey stickman this quote from this thing you don't care about is funny!" IMs, I swear to god I'm going to fly to North Korea with the specific goal of jump starting their nuclear program so I can hasten the end of the world.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    I'd quite honestly like to see you try. You may want to think of threats that are more... threatening.
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  • TemphageTemphage Join Date: 2009-10-28 Member: 69158Members
    edited August 2010
    As far as amateur writing goes, so far I've found it to be a fun read.


    But seriously - shoving futuristic cutting-edge Modern Warfare-type bull###### into every chapter is fine - that's pretty much how Tom Clancy writes books - but going into detail to the idiotic degree he does is just irritating as hell. He got most of the air-to-air fighting in Chapter 1 right. But did it make the story better? No, it just makes you sound like an elitist, like you're rubbing in the face of the reader that you think you're better than them because you decided to specify that the AIM-120C has a 50 lb warhead.

    "<!--coloro:yellow--><span style="color:yellow"><!--/coloro-->The crew felt the vibration from the submarine’s machinery build up under their feet.<!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc--> <!--coloro:red--><span style="color:red"><!--/coloro-->One advantage, one of many, held by the nuclear-powered boats was that they never had to worry about fuel status or battery charge. The Royal Navy nuke-drivers pitied their NATO allies who were stuck in diesel-electrics and spent their lives with one eye glued to their battery charge meters.<!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc--> <!--coloro:yellow--><span style="color:yellow"><!--/coloro--><i>Astute</i> was barreling through the water, putting distance between herself and the scene of her first set of track readings.<!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc-->"

    Can anyone tell me what the ###### the point of that was?

    If 90% of your readers have to google what an "AESA" radar is, you've failed as a writer.







    Also aggravating rant - at the time this was written guns were super-illegal in Chicago. There's a scene in Chicago where a bunch of people are packing and someone's driving around in their pickup truck full of guns. I 'ughd' :D
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  • spellman23spellman23 NS1 Theorycraft Expert Join Date: 2007-05-17 Member: 60920Members
    <!--quoteo(post=1790331:date=Aug 1 2010, 05:39 AM:name=Temphage)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Temphage @ Aug 1 2010, 05:39 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1790331"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Can anyone tell me what the ###### the point of that was?

    If 90% of your readers have to google what an "AESA" radar is, you've failed as a writer.







    Also aggravating rant - at the time this was written guns were super-illegal in Chicago. There's a scene in Chicago where a bunch of people are packing and someone's driving around in their pickup truck full of guns. I 'ughd' :D<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    1) now I feel good 'cause I now know as much as this elitist!!!
    2) but as we all know all the badguys always have plenty of guns, especially that Chicago mob that practically runs the place.
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  • X_StickmanX_Stickman Not good enough for a custom title. Join Date: 2003-04-15 Member: 15533Members, Constellation
    <!--quoteo(post=1790331:date=Aug 1 2010, 01:39 PM:name=Temphage)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Temphage @ Aug 1 2010, 01:39 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1790331"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Can anyone tell me what the ###### the point of that was?

    If 90% of your readers have to google what an "AESA" radar is, you've failed as a writer.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->


    I haven't even read it but since this whole thing sounds ludicrous and parodic, I'd assume that the writer is parodying real writers who fill their stories with unnecessary military technical details.
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  • lolfighterlolfighter Snark, Dire Join Date: 2003-04-20 Member: 15693Members
    <!--quoteo(post=1790466:date=Aug 2 2010, 01:30 AM:name=X_Stickman)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (X_Stickman @ Aug 2 2010, 01:30 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1790466"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->real writers<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    I see what you did there. :P
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  • X_StickmanX_Stickman Not good enough for a custom title. Join Date: 2003-04-15 Member: 15533Members, Constellation
    Fine switch it with "published writers" or whatever.
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  • TemphageTemphage Join Date: 2009-10-28 Member: 69158Members
    <!--quoteo(post=1790427:date=Aug 1 2010, 09:29 PM:name=spellman23)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (spellman23 @ Aug 1 2010, 09:29 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1790427"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->2) but as we all know all the badguys always have plenty of guns, especially that Chicago mob that practically runs the place.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    You mean Rod Blagojevich?


    *rimshot*
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  • lolfighterlolfighter Snark, Dire Join Date: 2003-04-20 Member: 15693Members
    <!--quoteo(post=1790504:date=Aug 2 2010, 03:42 AM:name=Temphage)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Temphage @ Aug 2 2010, 03:42 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1790504"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->You mean Rod Blagojevich?


    *rimshot*<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Every time I see that name now, my mind pronounces it like Jon Stewart does.
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  • locallyunscenelocallyunscene Feeder of Trolls Join Date: 2002-12-25 Member: 11528Members, Constellation
    <!--quoteo(post=1790534:date=Aug 1 2010, 10:20 PM:name=lolfighter)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (lolfighter @ Aug 1 2010, 10:20 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1790534"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Every time I see that name now, my mind pronounces it like Jon Stewart does.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Speaking of stewart, what's with the goatee? Is he with coco or something?
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  • lolfighterlolfighter Snark, Dire Join Date: 2003-04-20 Member: 15693Members
    The explanation is either that they're filming a sequel to The Faculty or that he dipped his chin in marshmallow fluff. You decide.
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