Fan-fic time, all

Twiz

<div class="IPBDescription">First post, better make it a good one</div>Alright, here's the beginning of a story I just whipped up during tonight and yesterday. I hope everybody likes it...... and if they don't, well that's fine too. Just don't say "You suck", make sure it's "you suck, because....." I'm only planning to have a final story of about 10 pages, maybe less... so don't expect too much. I may finish fairly quickly <!--emo&:)--><img src="http://www.natural-selection.org/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'><!--endemo-->. Here's the file, I better see that download ticker go up extremely fast. Ah, and welcome me if you want. I dig the whole NS concept, being a diehard SC fan myself. I also play TFC, so this mod seems straight up my alley.

StalKalle

ehm.. /me spanks all that havn't said welcome to the new kid (on the block? :;D) well welcome to the forums! i think i will read  your story if i get any time.. school starts up now sucki )8

Tzarcon

holy hell, nice story. That one really got me interested in the end, but you have to put more emphasis on what's happening, and what simon is thinking during the battle, instead of simply describing the area.

Besides that, hope you write more

Twiz

I see 8 downloads, and only 2 posts? What's this? <!--emo&:D--><img src="http://www.natural-selection.org/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':D'><!--endemo-->. Thanks for the feedback, Tzar, it's appreciated. After reading through it again tonight, I realized a few redundencies and flaws in the writing. I think the next chapter will include a revised version of this one, and I'll keep your suggestion in mind.

Rob

That is very good work, Twiz.  I liked your combat scene.  If you want to change it, go for it, but I really like the way it flowed.  You can almost feel Simon's urgancy.

Great work!

Black_Wolf

i liked it a lot, a few things you could improve, but it was very good otherwise. Main thing would be more attachment to the sub-characters. I notice just after the battle scene you called a soldier "first man" or something. It would have been better to say "so-and-so had been fatally wounded." and personalise the character. But apart from that and a few small things it was a gripping story, if a little short. Left me wating more =D.