LikuI, am the Somberlain.Join Date: 2003-01-10Member: 12128Members
LOL Here's the French Military History
- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history.
- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.
- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
- The Dutch War
- Tied
- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
very American view on the french wars lost (i love the google pic though). Just because the French were fighting capable opponants in the 20th century for example, as opposed to nations with 1 tenth of the US's industrial power, countries that had their armies and military capacity decimated by other battles, or dirt poor sandboxes that can't even feed their own people. Well done US. *clap* *clap* *clap*
I believe that spoof originated from albinoblacksheep.com; nice spoof, just like those CNN ones people make. It's always the address bar that gives it away though...
Although I'm all for a gentle leg pull of the French (hey, I'm English, it's in my genes) please be careful. Not only could it be construed as racist, it could easily cause offence to some board members (even non-gallic ones). Please remember that just because someone disagrees with you, it doesn't make them wrong.
Personally, I'm not impressed by the French desecrationand Vandalism of Allied WW2 graves. That is inexcusable.
Oh, and IIRC, I think we had something to do with WW2 too......
<a href='http://cool.paisley.net/french_military_victories_french_military_victories2.html' target='_blank'>Heres</a> the actual website, if your interested <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
While at a time in history where this might be considered appropriate, I'm still chalking this up to racism. While you, being French, may find this mildly amusing, you can't speak for the rest of your countrymen. The discussions forum is closed, so no good can come from this.
Comments
I still really like this one:
<img src='http://www.druhkram.com/kids_owned.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image'>
ROFL!!! OMG!
They have some assists though, american revolutionary war is one that comes to mind.
- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history.
- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.
- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
- The Dutch War
- Tied
- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
But the Cheese and Wine is good, So we give them a point. Then we subtract 2 points for not shaving
Go - 1 !
very American view on the french wars lost (i love the google pic though). Just because the French were fighting capable opponants in the 20th century for example, as opposed to nations with 1 tenth of the US's industrial power, countries that had their armies and military capacity decimated by other battles, or dirt poor sandboxes that can't even feed their own people.
Well done US. *clap* *clap* *clap*
Despite myself, I actually went to Google to check it out. It's a parody.
Personally, I'm not impressed by the French desecrationand Vandalism of Allied WW2 graves. That is inexcusable.
Oh, and IIRC, I think we had something to do with WW2 too......