The "official" Joke Topic

PegenatorPegenator Join Date: 2002-12-21 Member: 11269Members
<div class="IPBDescription">Show That You Have A Life!</div> Hehe... I'll start with this one:

A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian (spelling?) wanted to know who can stay in the sauna for the longest time.

The Norwegian went in first.

An hour passed and he came out. Then was the Finn's turn.

3 hours passed and he came out. The Swede entered the sauna.

1 hour passed...

3 hours passed...

5 hours passed...

After 10 hours the Norwegian and the Finn carried the Swede out of the sauna. They asked him "Why didn't you come out earlier?"

The Swede answered: "Well... My balls were stuck between boards"

That was kinda dirty wasn't it <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
Let's see if you can tell a better joke <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->

Comments

  • TheMuffinManTheMuffinMan Join Date: 2002-12-20 Member: 11234Members, Constellation
    "docter docter i feel like a pair of curtains!"

    "Pull yourself together man"

    Man that joke is funneh
  • DreadDread Join Date: 2002-07-24 Member: 993Members
    uh oh <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->

    You are so going to be flamed by the swedes <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • BurrBurr Join Date: 2002-11-19 Member: 9358Members
    I went to a psychatrist the other day, told I dreamnt I was a wigwam and a teepee, and asked him what this meant..

    Hes said I was "too tents" <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • Cereal_KillRCereal_KillR Join Date: 2002-10-31 Member: 1837Members
    Why shouldn't you go in the sahara desert from noon to 4?

    -----because Elephants have fun to parachute


    Why does everyone say noone's seen an elephant parachute?

    ----- because they listen to the rules and don't go in the desert.


    Why are crocodiles flat?

    -----because they went in the desert from noon to 4?


    Why do ostriches put their head in the sand?

    ---- to see the elephants parachute.


    They all go together ya see :|
    I know that was lame it's not my fault <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • PegenatorPegenator Join Date: 2002-12-21 Member: 11269Members
    <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->

    Hehehe... How about this one:

    2 hunters were in the woods, strolling about. With no obvious reason, the other one collapsed on the ground, unconscious.

    The other man called the hospital, and said "Help! My friend is in trouble! He just fell down! I don't know what to do!"

    "Is he dead?" The doctor said.

    "I don't know" the man answered.

    "Then check if he is" said the doctor.

    *A loud BANG*

    *5 sec delay*

    "Now he is, what should I do now?"
  • Error404Error404 Join Date: 2002-11-19 Member: 9353Members
    - Doctor, doctor, me dog's got no nose

    - Then how does he smell?

    - Bad.
  • Cereal_KillRCereal_KillR Join Date: 2002-10-31 Member: 1837Members
    How do you kill a blue elephant?
    ---with a blue elephant gun


    How do you kill a pink elephant?
    ---you pull on his ears until he becomes blue then you use your blue elephant gun
  • DOOManiacDOOManiac Worst. Critic. Ever. Join Date: 2002-04-17 Member: 462Members, NS1 Playtester
    <!--QuoteBegin--Error404:+Apr 16 2003, 11:39 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Error404: @ Apr 16 2003, 11:39 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> - Doctor, doctor, me dog's got no nose

    - Then how does he smell?

    - Bad. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    <a href='http://members.cox.net/doomaniac/hitlerjoke.wmv' target='_blank'>Here's a funnier version</a> taken from Monty Python's Flying Circus.

    *Note for the overly sensitive: This isn't meant to offend anyone. If it does, sorry*
  • VenmochVenmoch Join Date: 2002-08-07 Member: 1093Members
    I'll just go with the so simple it's criminal


    A man walks into a bar





    Ouch
  • DunsbyDunsby Join Date: 2002-08-01 Member: 1042Awaiting Authorization
    Doom...... Tbh, that was not funny.

    Ill do a joke later, im busy...
  • Cereal_KillRCereal_KillR Join Date: 2002-10-31 Member: 1837Members
    How do you put 4 elephants in an Austin Mini?
    ---2 in front and 2 behind

    How do you know there's an elephant in your fridge?
    ---There's elephant footprints in the butter all over

    How do you know there's TWO elephants in your fridge?
    ---There's more elephant footprings in the butter all over

    How do you know there's FOUR elephants in your fridge?
    ---There's an Austin Mini parked in front of your house.



    I love elephants <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
  • BadKarmaBadKarma The Advanced Literature monsters burned my house and gave me a 7 Join Date: 2002-11-12 Member: 8260Members
    edited April 2003
    This Ones really crude, parental advisory warning PG-14, fair warning!


    A hippy and a nun are on a bus. The hippy goes up to the bus driver, says
    "Man that nun is hot, I gotta get on that"
    The bus driver smiles, says
    "Go for it"
    The hippy goes back to the nun, says
    "Hey, want to get busy back at my place?"
    The nun looks horrified and tells the bus driver to stop.
    She gets off and the hippy goes back to the driver
    "Damn man, that sucked"
    "Yeah, I give you a hand, I know shes going to go mourn at her sisters grave tonight"
    The bus driver give the hippy the adress and everything.
    That night the hippy, dressed as Jesus, go to the nun and demands sex.
    Stunned at the sight of the Lord she obliges.
    Midway through, the hippy takes off his robes, says
    "HA, Im not Jesus, Im the hippy from the bus!"
    The nun does the same, says
    "HA, im not the nun, Im the bus driver!"
  • That_Annoying_KidThat_Annoying_Kid Sire of Titles Join Date: 2003-03-01 Member: 14175Members, Constellation
    A man walks into psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap, the shrink takes one look at him and says:
    "I can clearly see your nuts"
  • Sephiroth2kSephiroth2k Join Date: 2002-04-21 Member: 481Members, Constellation
    edited April 2003
    sounded like a middle school joke.. how about... these stupid ones, my 5th grade computer teacher told us some like these, warning: super super lame jokes ahead...
    heard the joke about the skunk? ahh it stinks.
    heard the one about the airplane? ahh its over your head.
    how about the joke about the rock? ahh its too hard for you?
    what about the joke about the hole? ahh its too deep..
    heard the joke about the stoner? ahh i forgot it..
  • ComproxComprox *chortle* Canada Join Date: 2002-01-23 Member: 7Members, Super Administrators, Forum Admins, NS1 Playtester, NS2 Developer, Constellation, NS2 Playtester, Reinforced - Shadow, WC 2013 - Silver, Subnautica Developer, Subnautica Playtester, Pistachionauts
    Some pirate jokes <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->

    a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants.

    the bartender says, "hey you have a steering wheel in your pants."

    the pirate replies, "AAARRR, it's driving me nuts!"

    -----

    Have you heard about the new pirate movie? It?s rated AARRRRGGH! And do you know why? Because of all the booty!

    -----

    How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook? An arm and a leg!
  • SirusSirus Join Date: 2002-11-13 Member: 8466Members, NS1 Playtester, Constellation
    STUPID WARNING LABELS:

    1. On Sears hairdryer:
    "Do not use while sleeping."
    (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)


    2. On a bag of Fritos:
    "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
    (Evidently, the shoplifter special.)


    3. On a bar of Dial soap:
    "Directions: Use like regular soap."
    (And that would be how...?)


    4. On some Swanson frozen dinners:
    "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
    (But it's *just* a suggestion.)


    5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
    "Do not turn upside down."
    (Haha, You LOSE !)


    6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
    "Product will be hot after heating."
    (As day follows night...)


    7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
    "Do not iron clothes on body."
    (But wouldn't this save even more time?)


    8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
    "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
    (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)


    9. On Nytol Sleep Aid:
    "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
    (One would hope.)


    10. On most brands of Christmas lights:
    "For indoor or outdoor use only."
    (As opposed to what?)


    11. On a Japanese food processor:
    "Not to be used for the other use."
    (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)


    12. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
    "Warning: Contains nuts."
    (NEWS FLASH)


    13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
    "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
    (Step 3: Fly Delta.)


    14. On a child's Superman costume:
    "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
    (I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)


    15. On a Swedish chain saw:
    "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
    (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? Good grief.)


    16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:
    "Do not use on food."
    (Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's okay honey just grab the Palmolive!)


    17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste:
    "If swallowed contact poison control."
    (Oh please. Have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?)


    18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:
    "Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."
    (Hey no more swimming in the washing machine kids.)
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