The "official" Joke Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">Show That You Have A Life!</div> Hehe... I'll start with this one:
A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian (spelling?) wanted to know who can stay in the sauna for the longest time.
The Norwegian went in first.
An hour passed and he came out. Then was the Finn's turn.
3 hours passed and he came out. The Swede entered the sauna.
1 hour passed...
3 hours passed...
5 hours passed...
After 10 hours the Norwegian and the Finn carried the Swede out of the sauna. They asked him "Why didn't you come out earlier?"
The Swede answered: "Well... My balls were stuck between boards"
That was kinda dirty wasn't it <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
Let's see if you can tell a better joke <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian (spelling?) wanted to know who can stay in the sauna for the longest time.
The Norwegian went in first.
An hour passed and he came out. Then was the Finn's turn.
3 hours passed and he came out. The Swede entered the sauna.
1 hour passed...
3 hours passed...
5 hours passed...
After 10 hours the Norwegian and the Finn carried the Swede out of the sauna. They asked him "Why didn't you come out earlier?"
The Swede answered: "Well... My balls were stuck between boards"
That was kinda dirty wasn't it <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
Let's see if you can tell a better joke <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
Comments
"Pull yourself together man"
Man that joke is funneh
You are so going to be flamed by the swedes <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
Hes said I was "too tents" <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
-----because Elephants have fun to parachute
Why does everyone say noone's seen an elephant parachute?
----- because they listen to the rules and don't go in the desert.
Why are crocodiles flat?
-----because they went in the desert from noon to 4?
Why do ostriches put their head in the sand?
---- to see the elephants parachute.
They all go together ya see :|
I know that was lame it's not my fault <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo-->
Hehehe... How about this one:
2 hunters were in the woods, strolling about. With no obvious reason, the other one collapsed on the ground, unconscious.
The other man called the hospital, and said "Help! My friend is in trouble! He just fell down! I don't know what to do!"
"Is he dead?" The doctor said.
"I don't know" the man answered.
"Then check if he is" said the doctor.
*A loud BANG*
*5 sec delay*
"Now he is, what should I do now?"
- Then how does he smell?
- Bad.
---with a blue elephant gun
How do you kill a pink elephant?
---you pull on his ears until he becomes blue then you use your blue elephant gun
- Then how does he smell?
- Bad. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
<a href='http://members.cox.net/doomaniac/hitlerjoke.wmv' target='_blank'>Here's a funnier version</a> taken from Monty Python's Flying Circus.
*Note for the overly sensitive: This isn't meant to offend anyone. If it does, sorry*
A man walks into a bar
Ouch
Ill do a joke later, im busy...
---2 in front and 2 behind
How do you know there's an elephant in your fridge?
---There's elephant footprints in the butter all over
How do you know there's TWO elephants in your fridge?
---There's more elephant footprings in the butter all over
How do you know there's FOUR elephants in your fridge?
---There's an Austin Mini parked in front of your house.
I love elephants <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
A hippy and a nun are on a bus. The hippy goes up to the bus driver, says
"Man that nun is hot, I gotta get on that"
The bus driver smiles, says
"Go for it"
The hippy goes back to the nun, says
"Hey, want to get busy back at my place?"
The nun looks horrified and tells the bus driver to stop.
She gets off and the hippy goes back to the driver
"Damn man, that sucked"
"Yeah, I give you a hand, I know shes going to go mourn at her sisters grave tonight"
The bus driver give the hippy the adress and everything.
That night the hippy, dressed as Jesus, go to the nun and demands sex.
Stunned at the sight of the Lord she obliges.
Midway through, the hippy takes off his robes, says
"HA, Im not Jesus, Im the hippy from the bus!"
The nun does the same, says
"HA, im not the nun, Im the bus driver!"
"I can clearly see your nuts"
heard the joke about the skunk? ahh it stinks.
heard the one about the airplane? ahh its over your head.
how about the joke about the rock? ahh its too hard for you?
what about the joke about the hole? ahh its too deep..
heard the joke about the stoner? ahh i forgot it..
a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants.
the bartender says, "hey you have a steering wheel in your pants."
the pirate replies, "AAARRR, it's driving me nuts!"
-----
Have you heard about the new pirate movie? It?s rated AARRRRGGH! And do you know why? Because of all the booty!
-----
How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook? An arm and a leg!
1. On Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
2. On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(Evidently, the shoplifter special.)
3. On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how...?)
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's *just* a suggestion.)
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
"Do not turn upside down."
(Haha, You LOSE !)
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(As day follows night...)
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope.)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)
11. On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: Contains nuts."
(NEWS FLASH)
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)
14. On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)
15. On a Swedish chain saw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? Good grief.)
16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:
"Do not use on food."
(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's okay honey just grab the Palmolive!)
17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste:
"If swallowed contact poison control."
(Oh please. Have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?)
18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:
"Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."
(Hey no more swimming in the washing machine kids.)