The Demon Project
greyfox5
Join Date: 2002-02-14 Member: 217Members
Join Date: 2002-02-14 Member: 217Members
<div class="IPBDescription">Chapter 1:Beginnings</div> The Demon Project
Chapter 1: Beginnings
Location: Harris Medical Station, Beta Signori.
Private Rin grimaced as the Bacta bandage was rolled around his right leg, then almost passing out after the stinging sensation came. “Hey idiot, be a bit more gentle will yah?” The medic slowly looked up and smiled, then yanked the bandage tight.
After coming to, he saw a dark haired woman in power armor looking at him from a chair. “I told you to watch the roof you jackass”, she said quietly. “Hey Kagome, how nice to see you to”, Rin commented. She got up from the chair, and then walked over to the side of the medical bed. Kagome looked at his damaged leg. “Many people don’t survive a direct leg attack from a Skulk; they usually tear the leg right off.” Rin glanced at the ceiling and sighed. “Yeah, guess I’m lucky or something, feh”
Location: Battleship Kouga
Rin went to the equipment bay in his wheelchair. “2 more weeks in this stupid thing and I can walk, and no more dammed itching”, he thought. He came up to his locker, and opened it up. There stood his damaged armor, the leg plates torn off, ripped and mangled. He was in deep thought, when a familiar voice called out. “Hey Rin, heard yah just came back from Harris!” Rin glanced over his shoulder, yup, that was Miroku all right. “Yeah, two more weeks in this hellish contraption of itching and I am free” Miroku smiled down at him, his green eyes looking Rin’s wound over. “Skulk?” he asked. “Yeah, **** dropped from a broken vent above a door” Miroku grimaced then ran his hand over his shoulder, were a Fade had swiped him a few years ago. “Well, anyways I came down here to tell yah that Commander Sango wants to see you in the engineering bay, something about a new job.”
More stuff will be revealed as the story developes.
Chapter 1: Beginnings
Location: Harris Medical Station, Beta Signori.
Private Rin grimaced as the Bacta bandage was rolled around his right leg, then almost passing out after the stinging sensation came. “Hey idiot, be a bit more gentle will yah?” The medic slowly looked up and smiled, then yanked the bandage tight.
After coming to, he saw a dark haired woman in power armor looking at him from a chair. “I told you to watch the roof you jackass”, she said quietly. “Hey Kagome, how nice to see you to”, Rin commented. She got up from the chair, and then walked over to the side of the medical bed. Kagome looked at his damaged leg. “Many people don’t survive a direct leg attack from a Skulk; they usually tear the leg right off.” Rin glanced at the ceiling and sighed. “Yeah, guess I’m lucky or something, feh”
Location: Battleship Kouga
Rin went to the equipment bay in his wheelchair. “2 more weeks in this stupid thing and I can walk, and no more dammed itching”, he thought. He came up to his locker, and opened it up. There stood his damaged armor, the leg plates torn off, ripped and mangled. He was in deep thought, when a familiar voice called out. “Hey Rin, heard yah just came back from Harris!” Rin glanced over his shoulder, yup, that was Miroku all right. “Yeah, two more weeks in this hellish contraption of itching and I am free” Miroku smiled down at him, his green eyes looking Rin’s wound over. “Skulk?” he asked. “Yeah, **** dropped from a broken vent above a door” Miroku grimaced then ran his hand over his shoulder, were a Fade had swiped him a few years ago. “Well, anyways I came down here to tell yah that Commander Sango wants to see you in the engineering bay, something about a new job.”
More stuff will be revealed as the story developes.
Comments
i.e
"hi jeremy" he said.
"oh hi ron"
instead of "hi jeremy" he said. "oh, hi ron"
get me? <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
also less dialogue <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
like how you give a location but you might want to provide some details of the setting, make sure to develop your characters, give us some insight in to there past etc.
More crituiques as they come.
but keep up the good work.
<!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
intresting, to say the least
Just pointing it out:)
and shouldn't it be something like a nanite pad/wrap?
ooh, okay then!
[/whispers]