Off-topic Fiction: Ex Genesis

coil · May 2003

<div class="IPBDescription">coil's senior thesis</div> I finally finished my senior thesis yesterday. With any luck, they'll like it and let me graduate next month. (: For now, though, you all can have a look at it - it's a novella about genetic engineering in a near-future society, and I'd like to think it turned out pretty darn well. (:

<a href='http://www.princeton.edu/~danj' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.princeton.edu/~danj/exgenesis/exgenesis.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image'></a>
<a href='http://www.princeton.edu/~danj' target='_blank'><i>ex genesis</i></a>

Bogglesteinsky · May 2003

thats...uhh...very nice coil. well done

*sniggers*

<img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'>

That_Annoying_Kid · May 2003

since I'm going to read the whole damn thing it better had be good, I've read the first part, looks good...

it had better been worth all those "I'm writing like my graduation depends on it, becuase it does..." away messages...

Scythe · May 2003

Egads.

This is mighty awesome, it's a great read. Very professional and in depth. You praticially built an entire world within three paragraphs.

I'm sure your markers will be impressed.

--Scythe--

That_Annoying_Kid · May 2003

this is pretty damn good Coil, the more I read the more I like. When it get's graded, be sure to tell us how it turned out in the eyes of the people who decide if you graduate...

esuna · May 2003

Just got done with it, an excellent piece and no mistake.

The atmosphere / setting reminds me somewhat of Blade Runner for some reason, be it for the gritty, industrial and moreso the "realistic" feel of it, the fact that this is a reality, not a fantastical setting.

I'm definately looking forward to future parts. The subject matter is something that greatly appeals to me, being a person who has experienced astonishing amounts of discrimination for the sake of body modification and so on.

Sorry to be a bit picky and criticise a tad...
<i>"....the nurse behind the desk gave Myr a quick run-down of care procedures to help it heal."</i>
Saying "...care procedures to help it heal." is, in my opinion, far to long winded and not in the least bit necissary. Perhaps using the term "aftercare" as most piercers and tattoo artist call it, would be better suited. I dunno, heh, i'm not the writer here <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'>

Sorry to pick a little, but, excellent work Coil, my hat is off to you.

PFCNublar · May 2003

its great. not exactly fan fic, but its good stuff still. this is for a senior thesis? damn, i thought they were more complicated than just a fan-fic style story/essay.
...
me would like to know more about the guide lines around a senior thesis.

That_Annoying_Kid · May 2003

well it's big and complicated, and if you don't do it you don't graduate

<img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'>

still reading it, excellent work Dan

coil · May 2003

PART 1 HAS BEEN POSTED! <a href='http://www.princeton.edu/~danj/exgenesis.html' target='_blank'>OG OG OG!!!</a>

Scythe · May 2003

/me franticly "OG"s

Bloodygood.

--Scythe--

That_Annoying_Kid · May 2003

*hugs Coil*

I understand why you were so damn busy now, thats some good work

dr_d · May 2003

It's pretty good, very consistent, there are patches of grammar that need fixing here and there, but generally put together well. Only problem I have with it is with the roll civil rights play in the story. Civil rights has always been a retrospective phenomenon and although it would be nice to think that now or even in the near future people would take precautionary measures to prevent discrimination, but it just wouldn't happen. Also I would think it would be hard to get legislation passed to protect the rights of people who willingly had changes made to them; currently civil rights laws protect race, mental and social diseases, and other unavoidable human aspects.

Aside from the politics I like it, you should read up on civil rights laws; you can still be fired for getting pregnant in this country heh.

I'm going to do a little forecasting of part 2 and say chameleon girl gets whacked, and there’s a big race riot in part 3, detention camps in part 4, and a presidential assassination in part 5.

Edit: After further thought on this topic this seems very close to the plot of x-men, Micha = Magneto, Nambse = Mutant hating president. If this doesn't work out as a thesis Coil you can make a multi-million dollar picture <img src='http://www.natural-selection.org/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'>

PS: Not knocking your work in anyway, it's extremely well written, original (big plus there), and consistant which is one of the most important things in writing.

xect · May 2003

Thumbs up, thumbs WAYY up.

Moquiao · May 2003

you sir are a winnar! <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'> <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'>

CplDavis · May 2003

"genetic revolution," and those who had the means were quick to take advantage of the new technology. A new class of humanity has since emerged: the genetically-engineered, or "gen-ens." They are smarter, healthier, more successful than their unmodified peers.
History has told the story of divided societies a thousand times over the course of civilization, and that story seldom changes. It is one of intolerance and fear of the unknown or misunderstood, of factions and persecution. But ultimately, it is a story of discrimination, hatred, conflict, and loss." -Coil

Have you ever seen the film Gattaca? It came out a few years ago. Its about similar stuff.

Gattaca" tackles the high sci-fi concept of genetic manipulation in a future in which potential for disease, defects and aptitudes can be fully determined right at birth. Those deemed inferior--the invalids--are tossed on the lower rung of society, while the perfect specimens have the run of their world, their every dream and wish fulfilled."

Good work Coil I hope you get an A. <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'>

coil · May 2003

Definitely have seen Gattaca... as you can probably tell by now, I'm approaching the theme from a different angle. I was trying to take an approach that I hadn't seen done before - it's a little risky, because it's directly at odds with my advisor's opinion of what will happen with the technology. ^^

CplDavis · May 2003

</span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (coil @ May 12 2003, 11:04 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> it's a little risky, because it's directly at odds with my advisor's opinion of what will happen with the technology. ^^  </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> 
EEk i know that is... people think that b/c they have a pHD they are never ever wrong and they own the world lol. Well I tihnk its really creative with your new take on things.

Dont forget to tell us how you do! <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'>

That_Annoying_Kid · May 2003

</span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (coil)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>Attention Deficit Disorder </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'>

there is also a thing called Attention defficit hyperactivity disorder, but you probably know that.

it's good so far, I can't wait for the next one

dr_d · May 2003

I don't know if you saw my bit of constructive criticism, but seeing as how it's not a political major I guess it won't bother your proff.

By the way can stem cells really be taken from any tissue? If that's the case then there really is no reason to delay using stem cell research for medical purposes, although I don't personally see the current reasoning as valid but that's just because I don't consider formless embryos as human.

coil · May 2003

Stem cells are being found in unexpected places, and scientists are realizing that there are many more "immortal" cells in the human body than expected.

One example is your skin: the lowest layer of cells are stem cells, which divide in a special way. Each time they divide, they produce one stem cell and one skin cell. These skin cells never divide again - they simply go through a pattern of development as they rise towards the surface of the skin, eventually undergoing a programmed cell death and leaving behind just a dried-out membrane full of fibrous proteins. The skin stem cells, on the other hand, always divide in this asymmetrical fashion, so they are never depleted.

Trojan · May 2003

</span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>The skin stem cells, on the other hand, always divide in this asymmetrical fashion, so they are never depleted. </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'>

Thats an impressive find. If you could so easily duplicate skin cells from only a number of stem cells... Implications are astounding.

coil · May 2003

The technology is already in development; scientists can grow skin for grafts "from scratch," using stem cells.

That_Annoying_Kid · May 2003

when is the next "release" ?

ME WANTS MEH PRECIOUS! <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'>

coil · May 2003

Sunday midnight. You can make it, I promise.

That_Annoying_Kid · May 2003

4 hours....

mmmmmmmmmm <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='smile.gif'>

Marik_Steele · May 2003

You're not the only one waiting. I'm liking this stuff. In a way, having 1-week installments is kinda cool, actually. Gives you time to think about it and such.

Gliss · May 2003

Are you finished with the story, and releasing it every Monday? Or are you still writing it? The tension for the next one is like waiting for 1.1...
(Can't... stand this... you're killing me! Must... have... it... now...!)

3 hours...
Er, well, 2, according to these forums.

coil · May 2003

Sorry I'm late... glad to know some people are eager for the next chapter. (:

Anyway, it's up! <a href='http://www.princeton.edu/~danj/exgenesis.html' target='_blank'>OG OG OG!!!</a>

(BTW: yes, it is finished and being released in installments... I just wanted to give people more palatable chunks rather than a 100-pager that most people wouldn't have the time to read.)

That_Annoying_Kid · May 2003

ooooooh I'm so enOG

feedback to follow

Scythe · May 2003

/me kills Coil *

MORE!

--Scythe--

xect · May 2003

Nice one Coil:) Can't wait for next monday:)

Off-topic Fiction: Ex Genesis

Comments