My Submission (storyline)
Iced_Eagle
Borg Engineer Join Date: 2003-03-02 Member: 14218Members
Borg Engineer Join Date: 2003-03-02 Member: 14218Members
<div class="IPBDescription">to SP NS (rev. 1.0)</div> The days have been dark since they came. There is a shiver down my spine. It must be my old combat experience again. It has been going on for weeks since I've been in active duty. Fighting ship after ship to rid this universe of the Kharra. If you do not know what the Kharra is then you obviously do not watch any television. There are thousand of scientists, woman, and children all dieing just because of a few bacteria boarding their ship and infesting it, thus creating workers of the Kharra. It has not sometimes been this way. There was once a time where we actually did not fear them. We could sleep at night not wondering if we would wake up. The TSA has been trying to figure out a weak spot to the Kharra. That is why my team and I must enter these space stations. We must destroy them and figure out what went wrong in every scenario. My orders were simply a reconnaissance at first but then once the TSA saw what they were capable of this became part of the TSA Marines authority thus were I am now.
Every day I wake up and on the television I see a list of hundreds of TSA Marines dead. Most sometimes reached the age of 21. I knew that my team was probably going to be one of the last teams sent before we declare defeat.
Now you may be thinking, what about the Army, Air force, and Universal Patrollers and why can't they send them in instead of these young men. The answer is simply because the human race is scared. They know most people enroll in the TSA so that is supposedly what a big official said has the greatest chance of success... He does not know that there is no success in this. Just death. *END OF JOURNAL ENTRY FOR TSA CAPTAIN, MARSHALL LEWIS, ON June 15, 2953*
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"Who is it?" I asked.
"Come on captain just answer the door!" The frusturated voice exclaimed.
I knew it was General Higgins and that it was urgent. He told me that the Kharra have
struck again. At one of the main places where we did not expect them too. The high-altitude research facility Tanith. That is one of the many areas where we were trying to piece together the mystery of the Kharra.
"Captain, I want you and your men ready to go in 24 hours." Higgins ordered.
"Yes, Sir!" I announced back.
I had not put on that plated uniform for a good 48 hours, which to me felt like eternity. I did not enjoy getting it back on. I winced when I noticed some green blood on it, also there was a few drops of red blood on the helmet. I knew the green, sticky blood was from the Kharra and the red was obviously from Lieutenant Johnson, considering he was the only one hurt during the rescue on Space Station Midas.
I immediately called the rest of my teammates. It took me long enough for me to wash my armor and put it on while I called the other four members. They feared the worst. I attempted to comfort them but instead I just ordered them to meet me at Departure Bay One at the TSA Headquarters. They agreed.
When I walked into the TSA Headquarters I felt like I was at home again. The blue TSA logo made me feel so proud. I instantly gave it the TSA Promise (with an addition from myself at the end)
"TO SERVE, TO HONOR, TO SAVE, TO DEFEND OUR WORLD, AND TO BLOW THE ENEMY SKY HIGH!"
There were a few chuckles nearby. I took a look and there were my men. All in their shiny, polished armor. I started walking towards them when I noticed the General walking the same way. I could easily tell due to the fact of about 50 gold medals hung from his shoulder. I walked quickly towards my men and told them to behave.
"Hello General Sir!" My men and I said.
"Well hello gentleman. As the Captain hopefully has told you, you will be traveling to the research facility Tanith. There are reports of multiple Kharra enemies on board. There was again this three-hive pattern across the ship and where you will be transported too will be almost bacterially clean. You will drop directly into the area where you can control the Nano-Grid. Your mission is to eliminate Kharra on board, and see if you can find a definite weakness we can use against them. Do you all understand?" The General questioned us.
"Yes General!" We then saluted.
"Very well. You will depart in six hours aboard the drop ship Amanttaus." He then left.
We were all very tense at this moment because the five of us knew that our lives would soon be threatened by possibly one of the most deadly enemies the human race has ever known. I had to look back at the command chart to figure out what must be done when I access the grid. Luckily I have done this a few times before and a few times in the Commanding Nano-Gridlock Simulation Station. I was fairly confident in myself.
*The drop ship Amanttaus will be leaving in one hour. All marines ordered to go the drop ship, please go there now. Thank you!*
I sighed. This was one of the most tense moments in my life. I used to have 10 men under my command. Most sometimes made it past my first two missions. I tried to set that aside while we were getting our armor inspected and our weapons handed out. We got the stock give-out of a Light Machine Gun, Pistol, and Knife. We again did not get much ammunition as the TSA was losing money fast. After those ordeals I walked straight to the window with my men to view the drop ship. I considered it a miracle that something that small could do such a huge difference and the fact that it flew in practically nothing.
We brought only what we needed which for most of us was a family portrait. I had no family so I took a photo of my team. It had huge cuts in it because my team has shrunk and I thought that with that, my family shrunk. It made me sad to think about that. I boarded the drop ship and sat down in one of the cold, hard metal chairs with the TSA logo on the headrest. I then heard the pilot countdown to ignition and I felt the thrusters take us away from the headquarters. This ride was the worst since we were escaping Earth's gravity but as soon as we entered space I felt somewhat relieved. I asked the navigator how long until we reach the research facility and he told me a good 3 hours. That made my team and I somewhat more relieved as we had time to pray to god to get us out of this alive.
After a good two and a half hours the pilot asked me to come to the window and look at the facility. It looked quite small from where we were but it was amazing. My teammate Jeffery gave one of those long speeches that come at the wrong time about how many lives were lost. I felt a tear slide down the side of my face and continued to watch us come closer.
On our final approach I was feeling a little better and the adrenaline was flowing all over my body. I asked my team members if they felt the same and they of course did. I suddenly felt the thrusters go in full reverse and I knew this was our moment to shine. Our moment to show we are the best. Our moment to show that the TSA will triumph over any evil that arises and that we will make it through this. Our moment to save the human race.
I heard the sound of the hatches opening and I rushed into the facility. It had extremely stuffy air and I immediately told the pilot to come back when we radio him. He left without looking back. I did a systems check with my team and I immediately ran into the Commanders Chair. I told myself that this was the day of victory for the TSA!
Written by: Iced_Eagle
Revision: 1.0
Grammar errors: Very little
Spelling errors: None
Comments: I was not sure if I should add some specific Natural-Selection gameplay and such cause that wouldnt allow such flexible in SP... btw i can change where this happens easily (amckern) so if you want a custom map you want this on or something tell me and ill cahgne it... im open to feedback plz **i shoulda made this rev. 0.9a
Edit: i fixed "The man" part for amckern's sake <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
Every day I wake up and on the television I see a list of hundreds of TSA Marines dead. Most sometimes reached the age of 21. I knew that my team was probably going to be one of the last teams sent before we declare defeat.
Now you may be thinking, what about the Army, Air force, and Universal Patrollers and why can't they send them in instead of these young men. The answer is simply because the human race is scared. They know most people enroll in the TSA so that is supposedly what a big official said has the greatest chance of success... He does not know that there is no success in this. Just death. *END OF JOURNAL ENTRY FOR TSA CAPTAIN, MARSHALL LEWIS, ON June 15, 2953*
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"Who is it?" I asked.
"Come on captain just answer the door!" The frusturated voice exclaimed.
I knew it was General Higgins and that it was urgent. He told me that the Kharra have
struck again. At one of the main places where we did not expect them too. The high-altitude research facility Tanith. That is one of the many areas where we were trying to piece together the mystery of the Kharra.
"Captain, I want you and your men ready to go in 24 hours." Higgins ordered.
"Yes, Sir!" I announced back.
I had not put on that plated uniform for a good 48 hours, which to me felt like eternity. I did not enjoy getting it back on. I winced when I noticed some green blood on it, also there was a few drops of red blood on the helmet. I knew the green, sticky blood was from the Kharra and the red was obviously from Lieutenant Johnson, considering he was the only one hurt during the rescue on Space Station Midas.
I immediately called the rest of my teammates. It took me long enough for me to wash my armor and put it on while I called the other four members. They feared the worst. I attempted to comfort them but instead I just ordered them to meet me at Departure Bay One at the TSA Headquarters. They agreed.
When I walked into the TSA Headquarters I felt like I was at home again. The blue TSA logo made me feel so proud. I instantly gave it the TSA Promise (with an addition from myself at the end)
"TO SERVE, TO HONOR, TO SAVE, TO DEFEND OUR WORLD, AND TO BLOW THE ENEMY SKY HIGH!"
There were a few chuckles nearby. I took a look and there were my men. All in their shiny, polished armor. I started walking towards them when I noticed the General walking the same way. I could easily tell due to the fact of about 50 gold medals hung from his shoulder. I walked quickly towards my men and told them to behave.
"Hello General Sir!" My men and I said.
"Well hello gentleman. As the Captain hopefully has told you, you will be traveling to the research facility Tanith. There are reports of multiple Kharra enemies on board. There was again this three-hive pattern across the ship and where you will be transported too will be almost bacterially clean. You will drop directly into the area where you can control the Nano-Grid. Your mission is to eliminate Kharra on board, and see if you can find a definite weakness we can use against them. Do you all understand?" The General questioned us.
"Yes General!" We then saluted.
"Very well. You will depart in six hours aboard the drop ship Amanttaus." He then left.
We were all very tense at this moment because the five of us knew that our lives would soon be threatened by possibly one of the most deadly enemies the human race has ever known. I had to look back at the command chart to figure out what must be done when I access the grid. Luckily I have done this a few times before and a few times in the Commanding Nano-Gridlock Simulation Station. I was fairly confident in myself.
*The drop ship Amanttaus will be leaving in one hour. All marines ordered to go the drop ship, please go there now. Thank you!*
I sighed. This was one of the most tense moments in my life. I used to have 10 men under my command. Most sometimes made it past my first two missions. I tried to set that aside while we were getting our armor inspected and our weapons handed out. We got the stock give-out of a Light Machine Gun, Pistol, and Knife. We again did not get much ammunition as the TSA was losing money fast. After those ordeals I walked straight to the window with my men to view the drop ship. I considered it a miracle that something that small could do such a huge difference and the fact that it flew in practically nothing.
We brought only what we needed which for most of us was a family portrait. I had no family so I took a photo of my team. It had huge cuts in it because my team has shrunk and I thought that with that, my family shrunk. It made me sad to think about that. I boarded the drop ship and sat down in one of the cold, hard metal chairs with the TSA logo on the headrest. I then heard the pilot countdown to ignition and I felt the thrusters take us away from the headquarters. This ride was the worst since we were escaping Earth's gravity but as soon as we entered space I felt somewhat relieved. I asked the navigator how long until we reach the research facility and he told me a good 3 hours. That made my team and I somewhat more relieved as we had time to pray to god to get us out of this alive.
After a good two and a half hours the pilot asked me to come to the window and look at the facility. It looked quite small from where we were but it was amazing. My teammate Jeffery gave one of those long speeches that come at the wrong time about how many lives were lost. I felt a tear slide down the side of my face and continued to watch us come closer.
On our final approach I was feeling a little better and the adrenaline was flowing all over my body. I asked my team members if they felt the same and they of course did. I suddenly felt the thrusters go in full reverse and I knew this was our moment to shine. Our moment to show we are the best. Our moment to show that the TSA will triumph over any evil that arises and that we will make it through this. Our moment to save the human race.
I heard the sound of the hatches opening and I rushed into the facility. It had extremely stuffy air and I immediately told the pilot to come back when we radio him. He left without looking back. I did a systems check with my team and I immediately ran into the Commanders Chair. I told myself that this was the day of victory for the TSA!
Written by: Iced_Eagle
Revision: 1.0
Grammar errors: Very little
Spelling errors: None
Comments: I was not sure if I should add some specific Natural-Selection gameplay and such cause that wouldnt allow such flexible in SP... btw i can change where this happens easily (amckern) so if you want a custom map you want this on or something tell me and ill cahgne it... im open to feedback plz **i shoulda made this rev. 0.9a
Edit: i fixed "The man" part for amckern's sake <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
Comments
i can't wait for chapter 2
and a good ROFL at "a man" (at least its not dry like some fan fiction can be)
amckern
Edit: what else do u want me to add???
Edit2: ok the original post was allittle childish of me. sorry
Edit: what else do u want me to add??? cause i must win this <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Time and effort are all the prices of writing literature. And MUST you win this? I think you just want to. That's acceptable. Good luck.
Edit: what else do u want me to add??? cause i must win this <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
you can't rush perfection, just make sure that your happy with how it's turning out
has been going on for weeks since I've been in active duty. Fighting ship after ship to rid this universe of the Kharra. If
you do not know what the Kharra is then you obviously do not watch any television. There are thousand of scientists, woman,
and children all dieing just because of a few bacteria somehow boarded their ships and infested them, thus creating workers,
destoryers, mass-murderers or whatever you wish to call them of the Kharra.
It has not always been this way. There was once a time where we actually did not fear them. We could sleep at night not
wondering if we would wake up or seeing another one of our loved ones names on the casuality list which was on the television
every morning saying every single TSA Marines name who has died, there were hundreds of names there. Most never reached the
age of 21 or even 18.
I knew that my team was probably going to be one of the last teams sent before we declare defeat. The TSA has been trying to
figure out a weak spot to the Kharra. That is why my team and I must enter these space stations alone. We must destroy them
and figure out what went wrong in every scenario. My orders a long time ago were simply a reconnaissance, but then once the
TSA saw what they were doing to us it became part of the TSA Marines authority, thus were I am now.
Now you may be thinking, what about the Army, Air force, and Universal Patrollers and why can't they send them in instead of
these young men. The answer is simply because the human race is scared and we do not know who to send, so we send where most
of the people are. In the Trans-System Authority... Something that I feel inside is that there is no success in this. Just
death.
*END OF JOURNAL ENTRY FOR TSA CAPTAIN, MARSHALL LEWIS, ON June 15, 2153*
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"Who is it?" I lazily asked.
"Come on captain just open this door!" The hard-toned voice exclaimed.
I knew it was General Higgins from the sound of his voice, and that it was urgent. He told me that the Kharra have
struck again. At one of the main places where we did not expect them too. The high-altitude research facility Tanith. That is
one of the many areas where we were trying to piece together the mystery of the Kharra.
"Captain, I want you and your men ready to go in 24 hours so we can clean up this mess." General Higgins ordered.
"Yes, Sir!" I announced back.
I had not put on that armor-plated uniform for a good 48 hours, which to me felt like eternity. I did not enjoy getting it
back on as it was with me in my worst hours of life. I winced when I noticed some green blood on my armor, also there was a
few drops of red blood on the helmet. I knew the green, sticky blood was from the Kharra, specifically the Skulks, and the
red was obviously from Lieutenant Johnson, considering he was the only one hurt during the rescue on Space Station Midas 44.
I immediately called the rest of my teammates with the video phone. It took me long enough for me to wash my armor and put it
on while I called the my four team members. They feared the worst. I attempted to console them but in the end I just ordered
them to meet me at Departure Bay One at the TSA Headquarters. They had to agree.
When I walked into the TSA Headquarters I felt like I was at home again. The blue TSA logo made me feel so proud. I instantly
gave it the TSA Promise (with an addition from myself at the end)
"TO SERVE! TO HONOR! TO SAVE! TO DEFEND OUR WORLD! *pause* AND TO BLOW THE ENEMY'S **** SKY HIGH!"
There were a few chuckles nearby. I took a look and there were my men. All in their shiny, polished armor. I started walking
towards them when I noticed the General walking the same way. I could easily tell due to the fact of about 50 gold medals
hung from his shoulder. I walked quickly towards my men and told them to behave.
"Hello General Sir!" My men and I said.
"Well hello gentleman. As the Captain hopefully has told you, you will be traveling to the high-altitude research facility
Tanith. There are reports of multiple Kharra enemies on board. There was again this three-hive pattern across the ship and
where you will be transported too will be almost bacterially clean. You will drop directly into the area where you can
control the Nano-Grid. Your mission is to eliminate Kharra on board, and see if you can find a definite weakness we can use
against them. Do you all understand?" The General questioned us.
"Yes General!" We then saluted.
"Very well. You will depart in six hours aboard the drop ship Amanttaus." He then left.
We were all very tense at this moment because the five of us knew that our lives would soon be threatened by possibly one of
the most deadly enemies the human race has ever known. I had to look back at the command chart to figure out what must be
done when I access the grid. Luckily I have done this a few times before and a few times in the Commanding Nano-Gridlock
Simulation Station. I was fairly confident in myself. While I was looking at the chart my men decided to get some food at the
bar. They returned soon after.
*The drop ship Amanttaus will be leaving in one hour. All marines ordered to go that drop ship, please report there now.
Thank you!*
I sighed. This was one of the most tense moments in my life. I used to have ten men under my command, but now I have four.
Most never made it past my first two missions. I tried to set that aside while we were getting our armor inspected and our
weapons handed out. We got the stock load-out of a Light Machine Gun, Pistol, and Knife. We again did not get much ammunition
as the TSA was losing money fast. After those ordeals I walked straight to the window with my men to view the drop ship. I
considered it a miracle that something that small could do such a huge difference and the fact that it flew in practically
nothing.
We brought could only bring one object which my men called "The Light of Hope" which for most of us was a small family
picture. I had no family so I took a photo of my team. It had huge cuts in it because my team has shrunk and I thought that
with that, my family shrunk. It made me almost go into tears to think about that.
Finally the dropship docked. There seemed to be something special about this dropship it seemed. It did not look like a
standard, no color, no accessories dropship. It did have a yellow color with black-stripes streaking across it. It also had
the faded name "Hornet" across its hull. I asked one of the officials and he told me that a local gave us this dropship as a
gift but we were unable to wash the paint off. I felt slightly relieved now that we have some color. I boarded the drop ship
and sat down in one of the cold, hard metal chairs with the TSA logo on the headrest. The inside however was no different
than any other TSA standard dropship. It was rather cold in there if I took off my helmet. At that moment I heard the pilot
countdown to ignition and I felt the thrusters take us away from the headquarters. It was the biggest rush you will ever have
in your life because your head just preeses against the metal and if I hadn't thrown my helmet on in time for launch I
probably would get an injury. This ride was the worst since we were escaping Earth's gravity but as soon as we entered space
I felt somewhat relieved. I asked the navigator how long until we reach the research facility and he told me a good 3 hours.
That made my team and I somewhat more relieved as we had time to pray to god to get us out of this alive.
After a good two and a half hours the pilot asked me to come to the window and look at the facility. It looked quite small
from where we were but it was amazing. My teammate Jeffery gave one of those long speeches that come at the wrong time about
how many lives were lost. I felt a tear slide down the side of my face and continued to watch us come closer. Jeff continued
his speech and I told him to be quiet so we could listen to the radio. I knew nothing would come from Tanith to us via the
radio.
On our final approach I was feeling a little better and the adrenaline was flowing all over my body. I asked my team members
if they felt the same and they of course did. I suddenly felt the thrusters go in full reverse and I knew this was our moment
to shine. Our moment to show we are the best. Our moment to show that the TSA will triumph over any evil that arises and that
we will make it through this. Our moment to save the human race.
I heard the sound of the hatches opening and I rushed into the facility. It had extremely stuffy air and I immediately told
the pilot to come back when we radio him. He left without looking back. I did a systems check with my team and I immediately
ran into the Commanders Chair. The others were doing a check around the room to make sure everything so far was in tact. Then
the worst thing that happend to lower our morale and make us scared happen. We heard a little chuckle outside of base. My
team got into position waiting for me to place something to build, and I was thinking one thing throughout this beginning
part of the mission, I told myself that this was the day of victory for the TSA and for my team!
*Insert Triumphant Music here* (for makers of sp ns, not part of storyline)
Written by: Iced_Eagle
Revision: .99
Grammar errors: Very little
Spelling errors: None
Comments: I reworded, added more adjectives and description, check on grammar, overall this is better than my last.
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> We could sleep at night not wondering if we would wake up or seeing another one of our loved ones names on the casuality list which wa on the television every morning saying every single TSA Marines name who has died, there were hundreds of names there.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
You spelt was wrong (casuality list which <u>wa</u> on the television).
2:
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->My team got into position waiting for me to place somehting to build, and I was thinking one thing throughout this beginning
part of the mission, I told myself that this was the day of victory for the TSA and for my team!
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Last sentence you put the letters in the wrong place in something. (waiting for me to place <u>somehting</u> to build).
That's all I saw.
~indy4ir
amckern
what about the other story where you had winnner in big red letters?
amckern
<a href='http://spns.thehivemind.org' target='_blank'>SP NS HOMEPAGE</a> you can post [WIP} (work in progress) int the forums there