BadKarmaThe Advanced Literature monsters burned my house and gave me a 7Join Date: 2002-11-12Member: 8260Members
edited July 2003
Bones, This is the end Bones. I went back to that horrible ship. Im sitting here and I... Nevermind, Bones, I have to finish this story. I was still with the fever when I entered the shuttle and I was till in it when I entered Jerusalem's Lot. I entered the airlock and the town was the same. The same except that smell. The same rotten smell that was in the church now permeated the entire town. Before I could walk a dozen paces the airlock hissed behind me and I expected the worst. But to my surprise, it was James. He ran over and tried to take me back to the shuttle but I shook him off and contiued to the church. He was terrified, so was I for that matter, but he followed. Faithful companion. We entered. It was dark. It was dark because a hideous matter covered the windows. But there was also a sickly glow about the place. The door shut and the first thing I noticed was that there was a huge cellar door behind the pulpit. It was tucked away but it was very large, probably the basement of the church was used for storage. We reached the door and I was too weak to open it. James, so faithful, opened it and continued. I dont know what posessed hime to follow me but I think deep down that he too wanted to know what the heart of this thing was. The stairway was not long. At the bottom a huge thing dominated the room. Bones, I am not an overly religious man, nor a superstious man. But I do belive that there are certain dark corners of our universe where the matter of the cosmos has gone sour. The basement of that desecrated church was one of these places. The thing was huge, pulsing, letting off incredible heat. In a trance, stricken by the fever, I walked over and placed my hand on it. Why would I do that, Bones? As soon as I did this there was a terrible bellowing. A thundering. The left wall burst open and a monster, Bones, a real nightmare monster, broke through it. I did not get a good look at it. I did see it knock James flying, where he hit the wall hard and fell limp to the floor. I passed out. When I woke up, I was alone. The thing was making noises. Guttural noises. It was doing something. Suddenly, something flying... something fragile but dangerous glided down. It was a devil, Bones. It was a demon. It was one of Satan's imps. It let lose a scream and all around me, in the shadows, the scream was echoed. I ran, Bones. I ran all the way back here, to my room where I then collapsed and slept for a day. I left poor James in that church and I feel that he will never leave it. I am damned because of my actions. This is where my story ends. I am done Bones. Whoever finds these letters, first turn back! Deystroy the Iroquois and this ship. Then deliver them to Edward Weizak, Nova Scotia, Canada, Northen Hemphisphere, Earth. The noises are louder Bones. I see things. I see things.
The preceding text were the works of a very sick man. It is belived that Mr. Charles Stewart murdered his assistant, James Calhoun, in a fit of sickness. The pocket diary entries are a facinating work of forgery on the part of Mr. Stewart. The Jerusalem's Lot sector of the Iroquois, while deserted, shows no sign of such creatures. There is a prevailing smell which is very strong indeed, but that can be attributed to stale air. The church has yet has yet to be investigated, but that is pending. Mr. Stewart was right about one thing though. His ships does seem to have a very bad case of rats.
<!--QuoteBegin--That Annoying Kid+Jul 6 2003, 02:18 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (That Annoying Kid @ Jul 6 2003, 02:18 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> do you know what short story this is from? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> as i said. it sounds like it's the short "The rats in the walls", but its been a while since i read my lovecraft books, and i can't find them <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo--> Definately very C'thul'hu, or maybe K'har'aa? I did initailly think it might have been moby **** (from the period flavour), then maybe something Steven King (jeru*Salem'sLot*). i cant pin it down, but i still think it's Lovecraft.
Good work tho BadKarma. This one's a keeper.
but whats that i hear? in the walls? like a thousand rats scurrying downwards?... nah. just my brother snoring. ;P
Edit: Arrgh at the filters! I'm being literrary here... lol. Moby [censored] - big white whale. sheesh. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
BadKarmaThe Advanced Literature monsters burned my house and gave me a 7Join Date: 2002-11-12Member: 8260Members
Yep yep, you nailed it Seraphy. Cept for Moby D ick(god the filter's stupid), Delta got it right with 20,000 leauges under the sea. Thanks for the praise but now I'm looking for something I can fix. Anybody?
Two commas when encircled around a phrase, can signify that that phase is not needed and that the sentence could still function (complete sentence, noun, verb, blah blah blah) if you yanked the text out. True, it still works, but the whole feeling is lost. The italics can give more *stress* on words, and ... can be a suspense break, or a break in thought. In this case, both, as it does serve suspense, and makes for a break in thought as Stewert thinks about the creature's appearance.
Give us a great series of letters, and I try to give something back. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
BadKarmaThe Advanced Literature monsters burned my house and gave me a 7Join Date: 2002-11-12Member: 8260Members
Thanks, glad you liked it. And that gave me an idea. Anybody who would like to continue the story has all my permission and blessings. Im not good at writing action, and i think a continuation would be pretty action heavy.
That_Annoying_KidSire of TitlesJoin Date: 2003-03-01Member: 14175Members, Constellation
it would but I'm bogged down with Situation Ethics and summer school, I would like to see you continue this story with your own distinct style of writing...
I will give you more comments when I'm [I]not[I] in school... eh he he
That_Annoying_KidSire of TitlesJoin Date: 2003-03-01Member: 14175Members, Constellation
your kidding, I always imagined you to be 16-17 or something
*shrugs*
I'm going to be a senior next year <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
Comments
This is the end Bones. I went back to that horrible ship. Im sitting here and I...
Nevermind, Bones, I have to finish this story. I was still with the fever when I entered the shuttle and I was till in it when I entered Jerusalem's Lot. I entered the airlock and the town was the same. The same except that smell. The same rotten smell that was in the church now permeated the entire town. Before I could walk a dozen paces the airlock hissed behind me and I expected the worst. But to my surprise, it was James. He ran over and tried to take me back to the shuttle but I shook him off and contiued to the church. He was terrified, so was I for that matter, but he followed. Faithful companion. We entered. It was dark. It was dark because a hideous matter covered the windows. But there was also a sickly glow about the place. The door shut and the first thing I noticed was that there was a huge cellar door behind the pulpit. It was tucked away but it was very large, probably the basement of the church was used for storage. We reached the door and I was too weak to open it. James, so faithful, opened it and continued. I dont know what posessed hime to follow me but I think deep down that he too wanted to know what the heart of this thing was.
The stairway was not long. At the bottom a huge thing dominated the room. Bones, I am not an overly religious man, nor a superstious man. But I do belive that there are certain dark corners of our universe where the matter of the cosmos has gone sour. The basement of that desecrated church was one of these places.
The thing was huge, pulsing, letting off incredible heat. In a trance, stricken by the fever, I walked over and placed my hand on it. Why would I do that, Bones?
As soon as I did this there was a terrible bellowing. A thundering. The left wall burst open and a monster, Bones, a real nightmare monster, broke through it. I did not get a good look at it. I did see it knock James flying, where he hit the wall hard and fell limp to the floor. I passed out.
When I woke up, I was alone. The thing was making noises. Guttural noises. It was doing something. Suddenly, something flying... something fragile but dangerous glided down. It was a devil, Bones. It was a demon. It was one of Satan's imps. It let lose a scream and all around me, in the shadows, the scream was echoed. I ran, Bones. I ran all the way back here, to my room where I then collapsed and slept for a day. I left poor James in that church and I feel that he will never leave it. I am damned because of my actions.
This is where my story ends. I am done Bones. Whoever finds these letters, first turn back! Deystroy the Iroquois and this ship. Then deliver them to Edward Weizak, Nova Scotia, Canada, Northen Hemphisphere, Earth.
The noises are louder Bones. I see things. I see things.
The preceding text were the works of a very sick man. It is belived that Mr. Charles Stewart murdered his assistant, James Calhoun, in a fit of sickness. The pocket diary entries are a facinating work of forgery on the part of Mr. Stewart. The Jerusalem's Lot sector of the Iroquois, while deserted, shows no sign of such creatures. There is a prevailing smell which is very strong indeed, but that can be attributed to stale air. The church has yet has yet to be investigated, but that is pending. Mr. Stewart was right about one thing though. His ships does seem to have a very bad case of rats.
as i said. it sounds like it's the short "The rats in the walls", but its been a while since i read my lovecraft books, and i can't find them <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo--> Definately very C'thul'hu, or maybe K'har'aa? I did initailly think it might have been moby **** (from the period flavour), then maybe something Steven King (jeru*Salem'sLot*). i cant pin it down, but i still think it's Lovecraft.
Good work tho BadKarma. This one's a keeper.
but whats that i hear? in the walls? like a thousand rats scurrying downwards?... nah. just my brother snoring. ;P
Edit: Arrgh at the filters! I'm being literrary here... lol. Moby [censored] - big white whale. sheesh. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
SHOULD BE
Suddenly, something flying...something fragile <i>but</i> dangerous glided down.
Two commas when encircled around a phrase, can signify that that phase is not needed and that the sentence could still function (complete sentence, noun, verb, blah blah blah) if you yanked the text out. True, it still works, but the whole feeling is lost. The italics can give more *stress* on words, and ... can be a suspense break, or a break in thought. In this case, both, as it does serve suspense, and makes for a break in thought as Stewert thinks about the creature's appearance.
Give us a great series of letters, and I try to give something back. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
now I want to see some fools investigate the church and get OWNED!
I will give you more comments when I'm [I]not[I] in school... eh he he
yeah I'm taking summer school to get government and politics and economics out of the way...
*shrugs*
I'm going to be a senior next year <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->