No Title
enf0rcer
intrigued... Join Date: 2003-03-16 Member: 14584Members
intrigued... Join Date: 2003-03-16 Member: 14584Members
<div class="IPBDescription">: new fanfic story</div> I think this fanfic stuff is great so i had a go at it myself. I think i'll be visiting on a more regular basis. Love the stuff you guys are writing. Anyway here is my own story. It'll get a bit more interesting as i post more parts so stay tuned.
Part 1: Darkness Falls (sorry i dont do titles <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->)
He was crouched against a cold steel wall, staring down the dark corridor, listening for any sound of alien activity. The flickering lights and sparks of electricity from surged control panels occasionally lit up the walls. His breathing was heavy with the beating of his heart. There were more screams, far off but still close enough to send a chilling ripple down his spine. The echo of death ricocheted, like bullets, off the walls, penetrating the ears of listeners. ?Time for an Ammo check?, he thought. He slid the newly empty magazine from the LMG and replaced it with a new one. Only 2 more reserves as well. It looked like he might not make it back home this time, not that anyone would be waiting for him. Alec propped himself up with his gun and scanned the area. His team was sprawled all over the ground and there was only static coming from the command chair. He went over to gather munitions from his downed companions, finding that many of the weapons had been bent in half. In the middle of retrieving a few LMG clips he froze as he heard the familiar tapping of claws against the metal walkway. He took a deep breath and turned to see the creature leaping towards him. The walls lit up with the blast of the muzzle flash from the LMG loosed half the clip into the creatures chest and head. ?I?m not in a good mood so don?t try it, bit**.? he smirked as he walked over and looked at the bloodied carcass of his hunter. His expression soon changed as the sound of booming footsteps shook the floor. There was an eerie sound of metal creaking across the hull of the ship. Alec backed up against the walls again and felt the vibration through the walls as well. He squinted toward the door as the sound became clearer. The sound of gunfire must have brought it on his position. ?Damn!? he cursed. Then he saw the beast turn the corner and snort as it stared down the passageway at him. It was bigger than he could handle alone and that exoskeleton would render his LMG useless. ?Nice alien, eh? Good boy.? he said shaking slightly. He slid down the wall still staring, unblinking, at his opponent. With a deafening roar the creature stomped the ground, unknowingly loosening a large portion of the ceiling which crashed in blocking its path. Alec shielded his face as the dust consumed him. Once the room cleared he look around noticing that he was no longer about to be crushed. ?Thank you God!? he cried. Suddenly he felt a sharp jab in his chest and he looked down in alarm. There was a small puncture in his armour where there was blood seeping down. As he was looking at his new wound he failed to notice the pipe now falling directly toward him and the next thing he saw was blackness and white spots.
(poor Alec eh? not his day)
I'm trying to keep each part relatively short to keep you interested. I've almost finished part 2 but i'll start by getting feedback here first.
Part 1: Darkness Falls (sorry i dont do titles <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->)
He was crouched against a cold steel wall, staring down the dark corridor, listening for any sound of alien activity. The flickering lights and sparks of electricity from surged control panels occasionally lit up the walls. His breathing was heavy with the beating of his heart. There were more screams, far off but still close enough to send a chilling ripple down his spine. The echo of death ricocheted, like bullets, off the walls, penetrating the ears of listeners. ?Time for an Ammo check?, he thought. He slid the newly empty magazine from the LMG and replaced it with a new one. Only 2 more reserves as well. It looked like he might not make it back home this time, not that anyone would be waiting for him. Alec propped himself up with his gun and scanned the area. His team was sprawled all over the ground and there was only static coming from the command chair. He went over to gather munitions from his downed companions, finding that many of the weapons had been bent in half. In the middle of retrieving a few LMG clips he froze as he heard the familiar tapping of claws against the metal walkway. He took a deep breath and turned to see the creature leaping towards him. The walls lit up with the blast of the muzzle flash from the LMG loosed half the clip into the creatures chest and head. ?I?m not in a good mood so don?t try it, bit**.? he smirked as he walked over and looked at the bloodied carcass of his hunter. His expression soon changed as the sound of booming footsteps shook the floor. There was an eerie sound of metal creaking across the hull of the ship. Alec backed up against the walls again and felt the vibration through the walls as well. He squinted toward the door as the sound became clearer. The sound of gunfire must have brought it on his position. ?Damn!? he cursed. Then he saw the beast turn the corner and snort as it stared down the passageway at him. It was bigger than he could handle alone and that exoskeleton would render his LMG useless. ?Nice alien, eh? Good boy.? he said shaking slightly. He slid down the wall still staring, unblinking, at his opponent. With a deafening roar the creature stomped the ground, unknowingly loosening a large portion of the ceiling which crashed in blocking its path. Alec shielded his face as the dust consumed him. Once the room cleared he look around noticing that he was no longer about to be crushed. ?Thank you God!? he cried. Suddenly he felt a sharp jab in his chest and he looked down in alarm. There was a small puncture in his armour where there was blood seeping down. As he was looking at his new wound he failed to notice the pipe now falling directly toward him and the next thing he saw was blackness and white spots.
(poor Alec eh? not his day)
I'm trying to keep each part relatively short to keep you interested. I've almost finished part 2 but i'll start by getting feedback here first.
Comments
I was taught every 4 sentances a paragraph goes in, oh well.
“Time for an Ammo check”, he thought. He slid the newly empty magazine from the LMG and replaced it with a new one. Only 2 more reserves as well. It looked like he might not make it back home this time, not that anyone would be waiting for him. Alec propped himself up with his gun and scanned the area. His team was sprawled all over the ground and there was only static coming from the command chair. He went over to gather munitions from his downed companions, finding that many of the weapons had been bent in half.
In the middle of retrieving a few LMG clips he froze as he heard the familiar tapping of claws against the metal walkway. He took a deep breath and turned to see the creature leaping towards him. The walls lit up with the blast of the muzzle flash from the LMG loosed half the clip into the creatures chest and head. “I’m not in a good mood so don’t try it, bit**.” he smirked as he walked over and looked at the bloodied carcass of his hunter.
His expression soon changed as the sound of booming footsteps shook the floor. There was an eerie sound of metal creaking across the hull of the ship. Alec backed up against the walls again and felt the vibration through the walls as well. He squinted toward the door as the sound became clearer. The sound of gunfire must have brought it on his position. “Damn!” he cursed. Then he saw the beast turn the corner and snort as it stared down the passageway at him. It was bigger than he could handle alone and that exoskeleton would render his LMG useless.
“Nice alien, eh? Good boy.” he said shaking slightly. He slid down the wall still staring, unblinking, at his opponent. With a deafening roar the creature stomped the ground, unknowingly loosening a large portion of the ceiling which crashed in blocking its path. Alec shielded his face as the dust consumed him. Once the room cleared he look around noticing that he was no longer about to be crushed. “Thank you God!” he cried. Suddenly he felt a sharp jab in his chest and he looked down in alarm. There was a small puncture in his armour where there was blood seeping down. As he was looking at his new wound he failed to notice the pipe now falling directly toward him and the next thing he saw was blackness and white spots.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Try that...put breaks in where you change perspective or switch tack (e.g. he gets up to collect ammo, or he hears the skulk etc). It's not bad so far, keep it up <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.natural-selection.org/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->