The Secret Diary Of A Tsa Marine
Javert
Join Date: 2003-04-30 Member: 15954Members
Join Date: 2003-04-30 Member: 15954Members
<div class="IPBDescription">Inspired by LotR secret diaries</div> <b>The Secret Diary of TSA Marine Lt. Hovar</b>
<b>Day 1</b>
Phased into Eclipse space-station with standard-issue lmg, pistol from TSA-Mart, and knife from the Mess Hall (currently under reconstruction). Wanted to be comm but other guy got in. Darn! Me wanna be comm!
<b>Day 2</b>
Started building Ip’s and a turret factory. Some scouts went to explore and returned through the Ip’s instead, babbling profusely about Computer Core. Not comm yet.
<b>Day 3</b>
Skulk rush, but unsuccessful. First time I’ve ever seen blood. Attempts to hop like crazy bunny unsuccessful. Luckily, I tripped over a medpack. Armor too clunky for hopping like bunny.
Built a turret later on, limited warranty for turrets is BS. Not comm yet.
<b>Day 4</b>
Comm decided to go to Horseshoe to expand. Stupid comm. Became Squad 1, went to horseshoe and built node. Saw skulk run by, we’re screwed. Then three came and attacked. Started shooting, one bit me right in the “nether regions”. Phased back to base cussing profusely and with a limp. Comm asked me to go back again. Stupid comm. I want Squad 5.
<b>Day 5</b>
Arms lab upgrading, w00t! Moving on to Maintenance hive. Did I just see an alien ghost? Dismissed as hallucination caused by bad TSA rations. Built a pg, tf, and two limited warranty turrets, and phased back to base. Not comm yet.
<b>Day 6</b>
Lerk attack on main base by vent, used green gas. Sgt. Gluteus’ bowel reactions to TSA rations compounds gas problem. Both problems solved by pistol. Not comm yet. Skulks attempt rushing Maintenance, but turrets too powerful for them. Bwahaha! Carapace <i>that</i> biznatch! Not comm yet.
<b>Day 7</b>
Attempted to go into South Loop. Saw nothing. Then all of a sudden this pineapple-of-death appears out of nowhere and spikes me to death. Out-of-body experience follows and was able to rotate view around my dead body. Awesome! (Boy, I must have twisted my hip in some ungodly position). Even able to rotate around my buddies too! This should be on TV (none of that <i>TSA Idol</i> crap). Not comm yet.
<b>Day 8</b>
One guy couldn’t take it, he left. New guy named ‘aryalf’ joined. What a screwed up name. TSA-CNN (from free satellite TV with Observatory purchase) informs of TSA propaganda actor running for governor. Now we’re done for.
<b>Day 9</b>
Phase into base. Get ammo. Attack South Loop. Fail. Get Eaten. Out-of-body experience. Not comm yet. Repeat.
<b>Day 10</b>
Phase into base. Get ammo. Attack South Loop. Fail. Get Eaten. Out-of-body experience. Not comm yet. Repeat. Ain’t life grand.
<b>Day 11</b>
‘Aryalf ’ gets an hmg and scouts out generator array. Sees two gorges from above and kills both with the comm med-spamming him (our comm’s pretty good at this). ‘N00b’ who got lost in the beginning shows up and helps. Aliens start communicating in English.
OMG H4X0R DOOD ARYALF U CH34T3RRRR!!!!!111ONEONE. (Well, sorta looked like English). Me wonders how aliens operate keyboard. ‘Aryalf’ suffers minor injuries. ‘N00b’ dies. He phases back to base and begs for hmg repeatedly. Never heard from him again.
<b>Day 12</b>
Trouble at base: Onos. Lerks start emitting gas again. Hmg takes care of lerk. Turrets take care of onos. But then the onos comes back! (How the heck do they do that? So annoying.) And starts beating the crap outta us. I pick up hmg from dead guy and kill it. Onos is left lying down in mid-air. That’ll look good in my trophy room. Not comm yet.
‘Aryalf’ wishes us luck and leaves calling himself ‘Supreme Ruler’. Who’s he kidding?
<b>Day 13</b>
Trouble at Maintenance. Saw an onos climbed a ladder (how the @#$% does he do that?!). Turrets not enough, built more. Aliens back at the keyboard. 5T0P TURR3T 5P4MM1N6!!11one. Boy, they’re ****. Not comm yet.
<b>Day 14</b>
Base destroyed, but one guy managed to get stuck outside the station floating in mid-air. Instantly killed by lightning and thunder from who-knows-where. Never seen again.
Relocated to Maintenance. Everything is glowing, I mean, electrified. Observatory shows walls and walls of pineapples-of-death. How lame. No worries, we have 14 turrets, no res. Not comm yet.
<b>Day 15</b>
End in sight. Alamo-ean defense includes turret-spam, med-spam, gl-spam, hmg-spam with two armories, no res. Aliens have 5 oni (or ‘onoses’, boot camp never really specified). Comm gives corny speech about what is worth fighting and possibly dying for. Who’s he kidding? Me mutes him, cool things TSA headphones are when you can mute your own commander.
<b>Day 16</b>
Aliens break through our defenses. Onos digests me. There’s something you don’t see everyday, thank God. How disgusting! For some reason, my gun won’t work in its stomach either! It did for the guy in the propaganda footage! (But he WAS wearing a suit, good looks do count.) Out-of-body experience preceded by out-of-“nether regions” experience, very ugly. Pretty soon, all dead except **** comm in his chair. Out-of-body experience soon fades to black with dramatic music coming out of nowhere. Not comm yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope you enjoyed! Secret Diary of Skulk #1324 coming next if people are interested.
<b>Day 1</b>
Phased into Eclipse space-station with standard-issue lmg, pistol from TSA-Mart, and knife from the Mess Hall (currently under reconstruction). Wanted to be comm but other guy got in. Darn! Me wanna be comm!
<b>Day 2</b>
Started building Ip’s and a turret factory. Some scouts went to explore and returned through the Ip’s instead, babbling profusely about Computer Core. Not comm yet.
<b>Day 3</b>
Skulk rush, but unsuccessful. First time I’ve ever seen blood. Attempts to hop like crazy bunny unsuccessful. Luckily, I tripped over a medpack. Armor too clunky for hopping like bunny.
Built a turret later on, limited warranty for turrets is BS. Not comm yet.
<b>Day 4</b>
Comm decided to go to Horseshoe to expand. Stupid comm. Became Squad 1, went to horseshoe and built node. Saw skulk run by, we’re screwed. Then three came and attacked. Started shooting, one bit me right in the “nether regions”. Phased back to base cussing profusely and with a limp. Comm asked me to go back again. Stupid comm. I want Squad 5.
<b>Day 5</b>
Arms lab upgrading, w00t! Moving on to Maintenance hive. Did I just see an alien ghost? Dismissed as hallucination caused by bad TSA rations. Built a pg, tf, and two limited warranty turrets, and phased back to base. Not comm yet.
<b>Day 6</b>
Lerk attack on main base by vent, used green gas. Sgt. Gluteus’ bowel reactions to TSA rations compounds gas problem. Both problems solved by pistol. Not comm yet. Skulks attempt rushing Maintenance, but turrets too powerful for them. Bwahaha! Carapace <i>that</i> biznatch! Not comm yet.
<b>Day 7</b>
Attempted to go into South Loop. Saw nothing. Then all of a sudden this pineapple-of-death appears out of nowhere and spikes me to death. Out-of-body experience follows and was able to rotate view around my dead body. Awesome! (Boy, I must have twisted my hip in some ungodly position). Even able to rotate around my buddies too! This should be on TV (none of that <i>TSA Idol</i> crap). Not comm yet.
<b>Day 8</b>
One guy couldn’t take it, he left. New guy named ‘aryalf’ joined. What a screwed up name. TSA-CNN (from free satellite TV with Observatory purchase) informs of TSA propaganda actor running for governor. Now we’re done for.
<b>Day 9</b>
Phase into base. Get ammo. Attack South Loop. Fail. Get Eaten. Out-of-body experience. Not comm yet. Repeat.
<b>Day 10</b>
Phase into base. Get ammo. Attack South Loop. Fail. Get Eaten. Out-of-body experience. Not comm yet. Repeat. Ain’t life grand.
<b>Day 11</b>
‘Aryalf ’ gets an hmg and scouts out generator array. Sees two gorges from above and kills both with the comm med-spamming him (our comm’s pretty good at this). ‘N00b’ who got lost in the beginning shows up and helps. Aliens start communicating in English.
OMG H4X0R DOOD ARYALF U CH34T3RRRR!!!!!111ONEONE. (Well, sorta looked like English). Me wonders how aliens operate keyboard. ‘Aryalf’ suffers minor injuries. ‘N00b’ dies. He phases back to base and begs for hmg repeatedly. Never heard from him again.
<b>Day 12</b>
Trouble at base: Onos. Lerks start emitting gas again. Hmg takes care of lerk. Turrets take care of onos. But then the onos comes back! (How the heck do they do that? So annoying.) And starts beating the crap outta us. I pick up hmg from dead guy and kill it. Onos is left lying down in mid-air. That’ll look good in my trophy room. Not comm yet.
‘Aryalf’ wishes us luck and leaves calling himself ‘Supreme Ruler’. Who’s he kidding?
<b>Day 13</b>
Trouble at Maintenance. Saw an onos climbed a ladder (how the @#$% does he do that?!). Turrets not enough, built more. Aliens back at the keyboard. 5T0P TURR3T 5P4MM1N6!!11one. Boy, they’re ****. Not comm yet.
<b>Day 14</b>
Base destroyed, but one guy managed to get stuck outside the station floating in mid-air. Instantly killed by lightning and thunder from who-knows-where. Never seen again.
Relocated to Maintenance. Everything is glowing, I mean, electrified. Observatory shows walls and walls of pineapples-of-death. How lame. No worries, we have 14 turrets, no res. Not comm yet.
<b>Day 15</b>
End in sight. Alamo-ean defense includes turret-spam, med-spam, gl-spam, hmg-spam with two armories, no res. Aliens have 5 oni (or ‘onoses’, boot camp never really specified). Comm gives corny speech about what is worth fighting and possibly dying for. Who’s he kidding? Me mutes him, cool things TSA headphones are when you can mute your own commander.
<b>Day 16</b>
Aliens break through our defenses. Onos digests me. There’s something you don’t see everyday, thank God. How disgusting! For some reason, my gun won’t work in its stomach either! It did for the guy in the propaganda footage! (But he WAS wearing a suit, good looks do count.) Out-of-body experience preceded by out-of-“nether regions” experience, very ugly. Pretty soon, all dead except **** comm in his chair. Out-of-body experience soon fades to black with dramatic music coming out of nowhere. Not comm yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope you enjoyed! Secret Diary of Skulk #1324 coming next if people are interested.
Comments
"My hip is twisted into an ungodly position...<!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->"
Shoulda added an F4'er