"previous Memories"

2Dd · October 2003

<div class="IPBDescription">secondary story of ns</div> Before the Khraa were even known about, the world was still a horrible place. Despite the promise of non-existent poverty throughout the world by Japan and other countries, it never happened. Crime levels went up to 97% in the United States. The war in Iraq still raged on. World War 3 started beetween Russia and Britian. Supposedly "allies" in WW2. In 2112, everything was destroyed. A unknown planet smaller than the moon crashed on the border of Africa and destroyed every living substance on that continent. A large party of researchers and scientists began researching the "planet" then alien lifeforms began pouring out of the planet and killed nearly everbody. a small party escaped and told about their expeirience. Somehow an alien parasite grew on a survivor. Strange symptoms occured and finally he became deformed the parasite scrambled his brain and ate his internal intestines very slowly. After 3 miserable months he died. Because of this the whole U.S. army and German Army decided to put a stop to this. They lost 567 million soldiers and none survived. Later the Khraa evolved so that each species could fly for a period of time. The Khraa tookover Asia, Germany,Yugoslavia, and all the other countries except the United States surviving military and goverment officials decided that they were fighting a losing battle and then began building space colonies in deep space.not everybody was taken. On December 6, space colonies began thriving with life once again. Now that the United States was fully taken over, the Earth was renamed "Death" Now the TSA are still struggling to take back Earth.But this time the Trans System Authority are making progress in taking back Earth.

Sooooo, how was that? Be nice plz i am only 10 yrs old. <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif'>

2Dd · October 2003

Excuse me, but i meant that i want replies. Thank you.

<img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/mad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='mad.gif'>

nooby · October 2003

For ten that is good. A few points, they are Kharaa, not Khraa. Try writing about four or so lines then a paragraph it makes it easier to read. The Governments of Germany and America would send their military forces not the forces deciding to do it, unless the forces took over, (martial law).

They lost and none survived is repeating yourself.

Now the TSA are still struggling to take back Earth.But this time the Trans System Authority are making progress in taking back Earth.

If you put:-

The TSA are struggling to take back the Earth, and are slowly making progress.

Use less words to say things and yes you are doing well, keep going.

2Dd · October 2003

DESTINATION-APOLLO 12

Wer'e going back to Death later this day dirtbags! So get your lazy arses across the floor and into the armory!YESSIR! A barrage of boots and feet scrambled across the floor into armory 5-B. A fellow soldier was talking to Private Haskins "So Haskins, are you going to take a shotgun or a machine gun?" "Ithink i'd rather take up a shotty for today Greg." In a matter of minutes the whole overstocked armory had only a large pile of lmgs and some 50 bmg clips left. Now all the soldiers had to move on to the dropship preferably before lunch. Besides, who needs lunch when you got mocha and java? As the the soldiers moved into the dropship a computer-like feminine voice sounded out a alarm."Hostiles in area". "WHAT THE HELL" yelled some very irritable soldiers. "Khraa you dumbnuts" "what other living thing could travel through space?!" The soldiers reluctantly moved out. The liutenant sounded out the order. "Okay Thatch, Xaio,Loomers, and Josh move to the engineering room. "Patterson,Wire,and Freeman move to the lounge. "Raw, Haskins,David,Richard and Greg go to the Feedwater acess. All the soldiers and heavy armors moved to different places. "Okay,Now we'll have to go up to this corrido-" Before Patterson could finish his sentence, two Fade claws caught Patterson by the shoulders as he screamed in pain. "HOLY **** JESUS!!" In a split second Wire fired a spray of fire at the Fade. the claws snapped of as 14 bullets hit the bony exterior. Roars could be heard in the ventilation system as Wire and Freeman began firing the vents. "We gotta get Patterson back to the medical ward!" Strangely, the Fade was gone and everything became very silent.All that could be heard was the grunting of Wire and Patterson and the walking and dragging of boots. Then Freeman spepped on something squishy. "Aw ****!" "I wish these frickin janitors would do something besides hanging porno all over the lounges! god darnit!" Finally the reached the Medical Ward. They opened the medic's room but a nurse was strapped to the ground with fleshy slime. The nurse was about 20 years old a pretty one too. But she was pale and she showed no signs of breathing. A creak in the AC above them was heard. 3 Skulks busted it open and tore them all up in a matter of seconds.

How was that? I focused most of the story on Wire. <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'> <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/marine.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='marine.gif'> <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'> <img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/fade.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='fade.gif'>

zooby · October 2003

Paragraphs are your friend...php doesn't allow for spaces so you'll have to hit enter twice. Other than that, it's pretty good. esp for a 10 yr old.

2Dd · October 2003

Do you wnat me to continue with the other squads?

"previous Memories"

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