"Three guys become stranded on a remote island and go in a search for food. After some time they come across a tribe of cannibals, the guys become desperate and grovel to be kept alive. The cannibals tell them that if they each bring back 10 pieces of fruit back with them they may let them go with a boat, so the three men went their seperate ways to find fruit. The first man brought back with him 10 apples, the cannibals tell him that if he can place all 10 pieces in his *bottom*without laughing or crying in pain then he will be let go. 1 apple, 2appll... He then cries is aggony and is put into a cage. The second man comes along with 10 grapes and is asked to do the same thing. 1 grape, 2, 3........9......He then suddenly burts out laughing and is put into the cage. The first man says "Why did you laugh, you couldve easily done that!?" He replies "Sorry, I just saw john coming over the hill with a load of pineapples!!!"
Hehe, nice one night. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
Okay, here's another. Don't worry, it isn't as long.
3 guys are getting hammered one night at a bar. They split their separate ways and meet the next day.
First guy: "Oh man! I was so wasted last night! I went home and blew chunks all over the place!"
Second guy: "That's nothing.. I went home last night and got into a huge fight with my girlfriend. We broke up after 3 years.."
Third guy: "That's nothing compared to what happened to me. Last night, I tipped over a candle and my entire house burnt down with everything in it. I am lucky to be alive!"
First guy: "No no no.. I don't think you guys understand. Chunks is my dog."
LikuI, am the Somberlain.Join Date: 2003-01-10Member: 12128Members
<!--QuoteBegin--Zel+Nov 28 2003, 09:13 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Zel @ Nov 28 2003, 09:13 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> What do you do when your girlfriend calls you a paedophile? say; "Thats a mighty big word for a seven year old!" <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Heard it before, you defeated the purpose of the topic... ~_~
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->it should just be 3.141.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
No, it should be pi~3.142 with the usual rounding convention(3.1415~3.142), there is an infinite series of decimals after that(a more exact estimate is pi ~ 3.1415926535799, note: I rounded the last decimal up because the next decimal is a 9, this is not an error).
It's funny that people try and take credit for obscure jokes that they think nobody have heard before. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
Ok, I got a couple ones here, though if they're inappropriate I'll delete them or a mod can go ahead and do the honors.
K here they are,
What's worse than ten dead babies in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Cadillac?
I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
Anyways I get mixed results when I tell these, some people crack up and others puke, depends on how twisted your sense of humor is. <!--emo&::gorge::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif'><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin--Soylent green+Nov 29 2003, 12:12 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Soylent green @ Nov 29 2003, 12:12 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->it should just be 3.141.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
No, it should be pi~3.142 with the usual rounding convention(3.1415~3.142), there is an infinite series of decimals after that(a more exact estimate is pi ~ 3.1415926535799, note: I rounded the last decimal up because the next decimal is a 9, this is not an error). <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Yay! My crap joke has started a flame war!
Well I don't care who is right but i am definatly not <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Own3d<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
When I think about it it probably should just be 3.142, since it's just a number, not a measurement, and it definatly shouldn't be measured in radians <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif'><!--endemo-->
Argh! You made me think about math on a Saturday!
You can tell the REAL made-up jokes in this post because... they suck.
Ok there was this cat who walked up to a dog, and says. well cats can't say things but in stories they do, so he says to the dog. No wait, I mixed it up. Itwas this bird and this dog who talked to this cat about , wait I forgot what to say nevermind.
Two hedgehogs were at a local bar. The other one went: "Wassup Spike?" And then spike replied: "Nothin' Having a milk, eating some worms." The other one asked: "So you had any action going on lately? You got game?" Spike said: "Totally. I had a hot date just yesterday." The other one asked behind his glass of milk: "How hot?" Spike said: "I lost 0,5litres blood"
Yeah, I suck but at least no one can claim that I didn't make it up myself <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
this white woman is heavly pregnant and has been rushed to hospital. As she begins to give birth she tells the midwife that she doesnt know who the babies father is but the midwife reassures and tells her that it will be ok.
as the head of the baby comes out the midwife says to the woman "its got bright blonde hair" and the woman replies "i was in a porn movie with a guy with blonde hair so he must be the father"
as more of the baby comes out the mid wife looks up again and says "erm your baby is black" and the woman replies "yeah there was a black guy in the movie to"
after the woman has given birth the midwife has a closer look at the baby and says to the woman " its got slanty eyes " and the woman replies again saying " yeah there was a chinese guy in the movie to"
the baby then begins to cry and the woman cries "THANK F**KIN GOD . I THOUGHT IT WAS GENNA BARK THEN!!"
<!--QuoteBegin--Dread+Nov 29 2003, 11:03 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Dread @ Nov 29 2003, 11:03 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Two hedgehogs were at a local bar. The other one went: "Wassup Spike?" And then spike replied: "Nothin' Having a milk, eating some worms." The other one asked: "So you had any action going on lately? You got game?" Spike said: "Totally. I had a hot date just yesterday." The other one asked behind his glass of milk: "How hot?" Spike said: "I lost 0,5litres blood" <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> That's quite good actually <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin--Spyder Monkey+Nov 29 2003, 05:16 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Spyder Monkey @ Nov 29 2003, 05:16 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> It's funny that people try and take credit for obscure jokes that they think nobody have heard before. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
The "Chunks" joke... heard it a long time ago. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> I never took credit for that joke. Did you hear me write "This is my own joke. Hold your applause."
Comments
"Three guys become stranded on a remote island and go in a search for food. After some time they come across a tribe of cannibals, the guys become desperate and grovel to be kept alive. The cannibals tell them that if they each bring back 10 pieces of fruit back with them they may let them go with a boat, so the three men went their seperate ways to find fruit.
The first man brought back with him 10 apples, the cannibals tell him that if he can place all 10 pieces in his *bottom*without laughing or crying in pain then he will be let go. 1 apple, 2appll... He then cries is aggony and is put into a cage. The second man comes along with 10 grapes and is asked to do the same thing. 1 grape, 2, 3........9......He then suddenly burts out laughing and is put into the cage. The first man says "Why did you laugh, you couldve easily done that!?" He replies "Sorry, I just saw john coming over the hill with a load of pineapples!!!"
Hehehe
I heard that 4 years ago...
Okay, here's another. Don't worry, it isn't as long.
3 guys are getting hammered one night at a bar. They split their separate ways and meet the next day.
First guy: "Oh man! I was so wasted last night! I went home and blew chunks all over the place!"
Second guy: "That's nothing.. I went home last night and got into a huge fight with my girlfriend. We broke up after 3 years.."
Third guy: "That's nothing compared to what happened to me. Last night, I tipped over a candle and my entire house burnt down with everything in it. I am lucky to be alive!"
First guy: "No no no.. I don't think you guys understand. Chunks is my dog."
Heard it before, you defeated the purpose of the topic... ~_~
No, it should be pi~3.142 with the usual rounding convention(3.1415~3.142), there is an infinite series of decimals after that(a more exact estimate is pi ~ 3.1415926535799, note: I rounded the last decimal up because the next decimal is a 9, this is not an error).
The "Chunks" joke... heard it a long time ago.
they exchange greetings and move on, i nevar said they hit each other
[/lame]
<!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo-->
a priest, a rabbi, and a butcher walk into a bar, the bart tender turns and says, "is this some kind of joke?"
K here they are,
What's worse than ten dead babies in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Cadillac?
I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
Anyways I get mixed results when I tell these, some people crack up and others puke, depends on how twisted your sense of humor is. <!--emo&::gorge::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif'><!--endemo-->
No, it should be pi~3.142 with the usual rounding convention(3.1415~3.142), there is an infinite series of decimals after that(a more exact estimate is pi ~ 3.1415926535799, note: I rounded the last decimal up because the next decimal is a 9, this is not an error). <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Yay! My crap joke has started a flame war!
Well I don't care who is right but i am definatly not <!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Own3d<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
When I think about it it probably should just be 3.142, since it's just a number, not a measurement, and it definatly shouldn't be measured in radians <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif'><!--endemo-->
Argh! You made me think about math on a Saturday!
You can tell the REAL made-up jokes in this post because... they suck.
The other one went: "Wassup Spike?"
And then spike replied: "Nothin' Having a milk, eating some worms."
The other one asked: "So you had any action going on lately? You got game?"
Spike said: "Totally. I had a hot date just yesterday."
The other one asked behind his glass of milk: "How hot?"
Spike said: "I lost 0,5litres blood"
HAF HAF HAF! <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
Yeah, I suck but at least no one can claim that I didn't make it up myself <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
as the head of the baby comes out the midwife says to the woman "its got bright blonde hair" and the woman replies "i was in a porn movie with a guy with blonde hair so he must be the father"
as more of the baby comes out the mid wife looks up again and says "erm your baby is black" and the woman replies "yeah there was a black guy in the movie to"
after the woman has given birth the midwife has a closer look at the baby and says to the woman " its got slanty eyes " and the woman replies again saying " yeah there was a chinese guy in the movie to"
the baby then begins to cry and the woman cries "THANK F**KIN GOD . I THOUGHT IT WAS GENNA BARK THEN!!"
so wot u think?
SPELL MY NAME RIGHT DANGIT!!!!11oneoneeleven <!--emo&:angry:--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/mad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='mad.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:angry:--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/mad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='mad.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:angry:--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/mad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='mad.gif'><!--endemo-->
The other one went: "Wassup Spike?"
And then spike replied: "Nothin' Having a milk, eating some worms."
The other one asked: "So you had any action going on lately? You got game?"
Spike said: "Totally. I had a hot date just yesterday."
The other one asked behind his glass of milk: "How hot?"
Spike said: "I lost 0,5litres blood" <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
That's quite good actually <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
<!--emo&::marine::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/marine.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='marine.gif'><!--endemo--> Steve: No way, bob, im still devoured <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif'><!--endemo-->
<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:orange'>Realism>Gameplay</span></span>
Edit: typo
The "Chunks" joke... heard it a long time ago. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I never took credit for that joke. Did you hear me write "This is my own joke. Hold your applause."
No! <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
I don't want to say sucky jokes, so I don't make them up.
If you want a sucky joke...
Why did the peanut cross the road? To get to the other side! HAR HAR!