Priacy

BlackMage

<div class="IPBDescription">the essay</div> a while back, i asked for some help on an essay about piracy in the form of a discussion

the rough draft is done, the final should be done within a week

if anyone wants to read/review/flame ... here it is

Nurot

I would just like to say that I have no respect for RIAA. The are going to ridiculous lengths to protect "copyright laws." What a waste of time and what a bunch of bull. Just another capiltalist trick to fork over our money or lack there of to make the millions another million. Just wishing all the RIAA dodgers out there good luck because with them suing children for thousands of dollars now we are all going to need it.

Typhon

Not sure on the background of the assignment, but if it is not intended to be a opinion paper I would try to remove some of the heavy bias you have in there. Not that I dont agree with your conclusions, but you could go about it in a more academic tone.

BlackMage

it supposed to be a persuasive essay, and to qote my teaher "fill every part of it with rhetoric"

and it's not really supposed to be academic, more on the political side of things (which includes rigging a few numbers <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->)

oh yeah, i did take it to school ... that thing's filled with typos ... final draft due tuesday

Epidemic

It's pretty good actually, even though I must agree, it's <span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'><b>BIASED</b></span>

2_of_Eight

<!--QuoteBegin--Epidemic+Dec 6 2003, 02:17 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Epidemic @ Dec 6 2003, 02:17 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'><b>BIAS</b></span> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
is good <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
I think you should make the text justified, not left-oriented <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> (oh yes... how nitpicky I am).
Also, I think you need a better introduction. Something that tells people what piracy is, what the RIAA is, and whatever else anyone might need to know.
Maybe also clearly state your view somewhere - just say it, "I think that [whatever you think <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->]".
Yep.

uranium_235

Actaully in a persuasive you NEVER say what you 'think'. It's more effective to hammer the reader with information like FOX News and hope some of it sinks in. When they read 'I think', it's sort of a snap back to reality that they're just reading someone's views <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->

kida

I agree with everyone else and don't start with "In conclusion" in your conclusion, not very professional.

Make your views more clear, maybe by starting each paragraph with a clear, topic sentence.

Xiile

(my first Discussion forum post dont hurt me D:)
Yes, I too have no respect for the RIAA. At one point, as you may know, they threatened to destroy your computer if you are found to have pirated music, and from what I heard, at one point they fined nearly $50,000/song they found. That seems just rediculous. I'm also worrying about the RIAA getting permission from the FBI to remotely search peoples computers without their permission (PATRIOT act abuse anyone?) so... eh...

BlackMage

<!--QuoteBegin--Epidemic+Dec 6 2003, 01:17 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Epidemic @ Dec 6 2003, 01:17 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> It's pretty good actually, even though I must agree, it's <span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'><b>BIASED</b></span> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
it's a persuasive essay ... how am i supposed to hammer my ideas into your head if i'm unbiased?

could'nt think of anything else to begin the conclusion, although my teacher did say that 'in consclusion...' is acceptable

and yes, uranium, stating your opinion is a <b>bad</b> thing, you want to state other people's opinions (preferable important people, or people linked to important people. note how microsoft is quoted, implying mr gates)

Nurot

My personal favorite to end off an essay is "In retrospect......."

Mullet

I did my state proficiancy test on the same topic....I just said how the RIAA are a bunch of money hoggin' yuppies.....I got lectured by my teacher..... <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->