You've Heard Of "metrosexuals," Now Here's Another
UZi
Eight inches of C4 between the legs. Join Date: 2003-02-20 Member: 13767Members
Eight inches of C4 between the legs. Join Date: 2003-02-20 Member: 13767Members
After searching and searching for my sexual identity. I finally discovered it and I can no longer keep it in the closet. I am here to openly announce that I am a Retrosexual.
My Restrosexuality is defined by the following Retrosexual code:
A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE **** DATE.
A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with sh--. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you freaking DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "dealing with sh--" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors xxxx up rooms in his house on national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for ****. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little wimp, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH sh--. When you **** up, he DEALT with you. Buck up puss.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a freaking windsor knot when wearing a tie.
A Retrosexual does not strip naked, get into a sweat lodge, and bang on drums to bond with other guys. That sh-- is ****. However dressing in kilts, banging on drums around a campfire, and drinking heavily is just fine.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a damn nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
A Retrosexual will buy feminine hygine products if he has to, but only under protest. This falls under unpleasant things you have to freaking DEAL with. Get some Hagen-Daas while your at it.
A Retrosexual gives a lady his seat on the bus/subway/etc.
A Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. A Martini has freaking gin and vermouth in it dammit. And maybe an olive. In fact, why not just get a beer and a shot of scotch??
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, or are trying to make up for a small ****. Guns are freaking TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL with sh--. Plus it's just damnned fun to shoot.
<span style='color:white'>Watch the language, please.</span>
My Restrosexuality is defined by the following Retrosexual code:
A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE **** DATE.
A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with sh--. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you freaking DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "dealing with sh--" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors xxxx up rooms in his house on national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for ****. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little wimp, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH sh--. When you **** up, he DEALT with you. Buck up puss.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a freaking windsor knot when wearing a tie.
A Retrosexual does not strip naked, get into a sweat lodge, and bang on drums to bond with other guys. That sh-- is ****. However dressing in kilts, banging on drums around a campfire, and drinking heavily is just fine.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a damn nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
A Retrosexual will buy feminine hygine products if he has to, but only under protest. This falls under unpleasant things you have to freaking DEAL with. Get some Hagen-Daas while your at it.
A Retrosexual gives a lady his seat on the bus/subway/etc.
A Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. A Martini has freaking gin and vermouth in it dammit. And maybe an olive. In fact, why not just get a beer and a shot of scotch??
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, or are trying to make up for a small ****. Guns are freaking TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL with sh--. Plus it's just damnned fun to shoot.
<span style='color:white'>Watch the language, please.</span>
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
Also: what's a metrosexual?
Also: what's a metrosexual? <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I only know it from a southpark reference. It's basically someone that acts 100% queer but still goes for 'tang.
mmsory, but that was the silliest thing I have seen in a long time <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
*cough*.
Also: what's a metrosexual? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I only know it from a southpark reference. It's basically someone that acts 100% queer but still goes for 'tang. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
actually no.
it's just a straight guy who's in touch with style, taste, and sensitivity. this term only applies if you assume that all h0mosexuals are in touch with the same things. which is incorrect.
it's a flawed word, basically.
Real men wear plaid.
While I don't agree with every point, like the one about smoking, I still say that it provides a very good point. I just don't think that the benefits of smoking outweigh the risks.
Anyway, most of that I agree with, not all but most. Some of the stuff in there actually results from insecurities...
I only know it from a southpark reference. It's basically someone that acts 100% queer but still goes for 'tang. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
A "Metrosexual" is a heterosexual man that goes through the hygene routines that are usually associated with the female gender role (manicures, other forms of pampering, etc.). You could expand it to other activities, but I'll leave it at the basics.
Now, on to the other issue: "queer" stereotyping. Although this might blow some of your minds, a man who is attracted to other men is not necissarily feminine, flamboyant, an artist, etc. However, since some form of outwardly "****" actions can both allow homosexual people to identify each other (or for the opposite sex to relax, knowing they aren't about to get hit on), and promote some sense of unity to help them deal with the general abuse they get from the ignorant. The same is true of other stereotyped groups: some men, for instance, will pretend to like sports just for the sake of fitting in with their compatriots, despite not really giving a care about who wins some game. *gasp* I know, shocking.
edit: "Anyway, most of that I agree with, not all but most. Some of the stuff in [the retrosexual list] actually results from insecurities... " An amusing thought: "metrosexual" implies security about one's masculinity.
Real men wear plaid. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Maddox owns.
<!--QuoteBegin--dictionary.com+--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (dictionary.com)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
<b>queer</b>
<i>adj. <u>queer·er, queer·est</u></i>
1. Deviating from the expected or normal; strange: a queer situation.
2. Odd or unconventional, as in behavior; eccentric. See Synonyms at strange.
3. Of a questionable nature or character; suspicious.
4. <i><u>Slang.</u></i> Fake; counterfeit.
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
and that "security in masculinity" that taboofires is talking about is replaced with an insecurity of a person's natural charisma.
<i>Crab people, crab people.....</i>
<i>Crab people, crab people.....</i> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
CRAAAAB PEOPLE CRAAAAB PEOPLE
TASTE LIKE CRAB. TALKS LIKE PEOPLE!
CRAAAAB PEOPLE CRAAAAB PEOPLE!
Word to everything that was said though. I'm not down with killing animals that don't have a chance to kill me. Or that weak **** hunting using a truck. Walk for god's sake you wuss!
I bowhunt.
<span style='color:red'>***Locked.***</span>