Expermenting: Project Lacerus
Confuzor
Join Date: 2002-11-01 Member: 2412Awaiting Authorization
Join Date: 2002-11-01 Member: 2412Awaiting Authorization
<div class="IPBDescription">Critique for the picture AND writing.</div> <b>*LACERUS HISTORY UPDATED*</b>
For a career, I'm intending to become a multimedia artist and make films. One of the films right now is a animated series I've been trying to bring to life for about the last two years, (haven't really focused and planned it all of it out yet, just some casual ideas I contribute to daily).
I'm hoping you guys will be willing to critique one of the characters I'm working on. One of the main aides to the main character to the story:
<img src='http://s95094929.onlinehome.us/stuff/practicesketch.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' /> <img src='http://s95094929.onlinehome.us/stuff/practicetrace.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
- I know, it's pretty poorly planned - probably one reason why I take WAY too long on drawings. I have no sketching abilities whatsoever, a "sketch" for me takes over one hour on average, I think. Whenever I draw a single curved line, i draw it in little pieces, so it looks like it has hairs growing out, then I erase the projections. Then I realize the curve looks like crap, I erase the entire thing, and start over x3 - 5.
I also need to take a closer look at shading and perspective. As flawed as the sketch is right now, I'm in the process of colouring it, since I need practice, ANY PRACTICE. I've wasted too much time looking at tutorials but not doing anything, so I've throwing this out right now
Flaws I am aware of but am too inept to fix:
- bottom coat edge too messy, needs to have a more uniform arc
- coat edge of arm on the left too messy
- perspective of arm on the left, as well as the hand, is weird
- excessive creases/shading? (light is coming from the left)
Things that this picture needs:
- the coat itself still looks a tad plain, I need to add some sort of design to it
- aikes, I forgot the ear twirl!
- can't make boots look cool...
Now, for the main course... I would be most interested in what anyone has to say about the writing. Here's what I have so far:
<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>Lacerus</span>
<i>
The origin of his creation can be traced back during the power struggle for chairmanship of the mercenary conglomerates following the death of its unifier, Chairman Dradalstad.
The three main factions that fought for control of the conglomeracy after his death went between the Yamuris, the Uticala, and the Motoran. In the initial stages of the struggle, the Yamuris faction possessed the fewest supporters, and the bulk of the fighting was fought between the factions of Utica and Motoran. However, the trump card possessed by Yamuris was its dominant control of the arms technology wing of the conglomeracy, which more than compensated for its small size.
Under the decree of the Yamuris Council, alchemists began experiments on individuals for the creation of super agents. Due to the smaller size of the Yamuris faction and the high-risk failure involved in modifying individuals, many of the test subjects for the experiments were prisoners taken from the opposing sides. In the event of a success, test subjects underwent soul extraction, followed by the implantation of cerebral inhibitory modules (CIMs) to ensure that the use of their new found powers would follow strictly under the interests of the Yamuris faction.
As was predicted, most of the super agent experiments resulted in failures, but in spite of its overwhelming shortcomings, the ATW managed a trickle of successful super agents. It was from this pool where the Master of Blades was made manifest.
Little is known of the original subject who underwent the experiment (that information has since been lost due to the subject’s sabotage of the ATW labs), save for the fact that he was born with a remarkably grotesque pair of hands. He was subjected to an experiment that was designed to infuse him with a specially designed alloy easily manipulatable by brain impulses. The greatest internal concentration of this alloy is found in the hands of the subject. As time went on, the subject managed to increase the range of extension, control, and speed of the galvanized appendages. The last recorded measure of his reach is said to have gone as far as 120 metres at an approximate acceleration rate of 70 metres per second.
The alloy used is also found to easily merge and dissociate with other metals by brain impulses, giving it a huge diversity of combinations. An alloy-synthesizing reactor was implanted along the subject’s trachea, which allows him to mimic all types of metal, as long as he is able to consume a sample of the metal. The subject can then excrete unwanted metals by internally dissociating, then vomiting the metal.
In addition to the internal alloy-synthesis system that was implanted in the subject, an outer “shell” was found to be necessary to keep the system stable. The external system is a metal trench coat composed of the same internal alloy. While the mass of the coat varies depending on the metal composition, for the most cases, it is highly flexible. Due to the nature of the alloy, the coat serves as an impressive form of armour, with the capability of absorbing numerous types of attacks, such as metallic non-enchanted melee weapons and bullets. The trench coat is also highly effective at absorbing energy. Within the coat lie many thermal and solar powered nodes, which provide the test subject with huge amount of energy. While not having the same extent of control as the hands, the subject was also noted to have had morphed his coat on a number of occasions during his service with the Yamuris.
The combination and dissociation of metals, along with the rapid movement of the metal is an intensive exothermic process. Even with the use of enchantments, it was said the alchemists were unable to prevent the similar test subjects from melting themselves. The final solution provided was the installation of a cooling system, interconnected between the subject’s body and trench coat. Along the thoracic region of the coat, alchemists designed vents that permitted the exertion of steam. As such, the subject was noted to be very fond of drinking.
Engaged in combat, the subject became a force to be reckoned with. He came to be known as Lacerus, a name derived from his notoriety for surviving blows that would fell a regular mortal, along with the brutal end his foes met. Before abdicating his position as master assassin, he had tied with Salvolic for greatest number of kills, and most of his kills had much greater significance in the outcome of the conglomerate civil strife (this is largely due to the fighting styles of the two mercenaries; while Salvolic was the clearly the more fierce of the two, Lacerus possessed the element of subtlety that enabled him a close proximity to heavily protected officers before striking).
One by one, high-ranking officers of the rival factions were found mutilated alongside their bodyguards. Initially, the Yamuris faction ordered Lacerus only to assassinate targets from the Uticala faction, which had become the strongest at that time. While Lacerus carried out all his missions successfully, it was to the great dismay of the Yamuris that Lacerus took the initiative to assassinate any target he pleased, including individuals from the Motoran faction. His actions were so crippling, the rival factions could not believe that it was all the work of one individual. Rumors began circulating that because the Yamuris faction had been relatively ignored before, it had now grown to a formidable size, perhaps even dwarfing the Uticala faction. It was not long before a non-aggression pact between Utcala and Motoran factions was signed, and the two sides focused their strength on eliminating the Yamuris before resuming their war between one another.
Infuriated, the Yamuris Council ordered the alchemists to “fix” Lacerus and ensure no further acts of insubordination would arise. Even with the CIM intensity increased to near fatal levels, the alchemists were unable to subdue the rogue behaviour patterns of Lacerus. As the vice of the rival factions began to close in on the Yamuris, they Yamuris Council found themselves with no choice but to once again release their most efficient agent against the enemy factions. As grim as the situation looked, the council decided that they needed all the power they could use. Should they somehow remain the victor in the war, the spoils of time would provide all that they needed to resume work on perfecting the technology that Lacerus possessed. From him, they could spawn an army of bladed super agents that possessed all his strengths, and none of his weaknesses. After that, Lacerus would simply be terminated. He was, after all, a prototype, and nothing more.
Eight months later, the Yamuris stood victorious.
</i>
Did I put you to sleep?
More to come...
For a career, I'm intending to become a multimedia artist and make films. One of the films right now is a animated series I've been trying to bring to life for about the last two years, (haven't really focused and planned it all of it out yet, just some casual ideas I contribute to daily).
I'm hoping you guys will be willing to critique one of the characters I'm working on. One of the main aides to the main character to the story:
<img src='http://s95094929.onlinehome.us/stuff/practicesketch.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' /> <img src='http://s95094929.onlinehome.us/stuff/practicetrace.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
- I know, it's pretty poorly planned - probably one reason why I take WAY too long on drawings. I have no sketching abilities whatsoever, a "sketch" for me takes over one hour on average, I think. Whenever I draw a single curved line, i draw it in little pieces, so it looks like it has hairs growing out, then I erase the projections. Then I realize the curve looks like crap, I erase the entire thing, and start over x3 - 5.
I also need to take a closer look at shading and perspective. As flawed as the sketch is right now, I'm in the process of colouring it, since I need practice, ANY PRACTICE. I've wasted too much time looking at tutorials but not doing anything, so I've throwing this out right now
Flaws I am aware of but am too inept to fix:
- bottom coat edge too messy, needs to have a more uniform arc
- coat edge of arm on the left too messy
- perspective of arm on the left, as well as the hand, is weird
- excessive creases/shading? (light is coming from the left)
Things that this picture needs:
- the coat itself still looks a tad plain, I need to add some sort of design to it
- aikes, I forgot the ear twirl!
- can't make boots look cool...
Now, for the main course... I would be most interested in what anyone has to say about the writing. Here's what I have so far:
<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>Lacerus</span>
<i>
The origin of his creation can be traced back during the power struggle for chairmanship of the mercenary conglomerates following the death of its unifier, Chairman Dradalstad.
The three main factions that fought for control of the conglomeracy after his death went between the Yamuris, the Uticala, and the Motoran. In the initial stages of the struggle, the Yamuris faction possessed the fewest supporters, and the bulk of the fighting was fought between the factions of Utica and Motoran. However, the trump card possessed by Yamuris was its dominant control of the arms technology wing of the conglomeracy, which more than compensated for its small size.
Under the decree of the Yamuris Council, alchemists began experiments on individuals for the creation of super agents. Due to the smaller size of the Yamuris faction and the high-risk failure involved in modifying individuals, many of the test subjects for the experiments were prisoners taken from the opposing sides. In the event of a success, test subjects underwent soul extraction, followed by the implantation of cerebral inhibitory modules (CIMs) to ensure that the use of their new found powers would follow strictly under the interests of the Yamuris faction.
As was predicted, most of the super agent experiments resulted in failures, but in spite of its overwhelming shortcomings, the ATW managed a trickle of successful super agents. It was from this pool where the Master of Blades was made manifest.
Little is known of the original subject who underwent the experiment (that information has since been lost due to the subject’s sabotage of the ATW labs), save for the fact that he was born with a remarkably grotesque pair of hands. He was subjected to an experiment that was designed to infuse him with a specially designed alloy easily manipulatable by brain impulses. The greatest internal concentration of this alloy is found in the hands of the subject. As time went on, the subject managed to increase the range of extension, control, and speed of the galvanized appendages. The last recorded measure of his reach is said to have gone as far as 120 metres at an approximate acceleration rate of 70 metres per second.
The alloy used is also found to easily merge and dissociate with other metals by brain impulses, giving it a huge diversity of combinations. An alloy-synthesizing reactor was implanted along the subject’s trachea, which allows him to mimic all types of metal, as long as he is able to consume a sample of the metal. The subject can then excrete unwanted metals by internally dissociating, then vomiting the metal.
In addition to the internal alloy-synthesis system that was implanted in the subject, an outer “shell” was found to be necessary to keep the system stable. The external system is a metal trench coat composed of the same internal alloy. While the mass of the coat varies depending on the metal composition, for the most cases, it is highly flexible. Due to the nature of the alloy, the coat serves as an impressive form of armour, with the capability of absorbing numerous types of attacks, such as metallic non-enchanted melee weapons and bullets. The trench coat is also highly effective at absorbing energy. Within the coat lie many thermal and solar powered nodes, which provide the test subject with huge amount of energy. While not having the same extent of control as the hands, the subject was also noted to have had morphed his coat on a number of occasions during his service with the Yamuris.
The combination and dissociation of metals, along with the rapid movement of the metal is an intensive exothermic process. Even with the use of enchantments, it was said the alchemists were unable to prevent the similar test subjects from melting themselves. The final solution provided was the installation of a cooling system, interconnected between the subject’s body and trench coat. Along the thoracic region of the coat, alchemists designed vents that permitted the exertion of steam. As such, the subject was noted to be very fond of drinking.
Engaged in combat, the subject became a force to be reckoned with. He came to be known as Lacerus, a name derived from his notoriety for surviving blows that would fell a regular mortal, along with the brutal end his foes met. Before abdicating his position as master assassin, he had tied with Salvolic for greatest number of kills, and most of his kills had much greater significance in the outcome of the conglomerate civil strife (this is largely due to the fighting styles of the two mercenaries; while Salvolic was the clearly the more fierce of the two, Lacerus possessed the element of subtlety that enabled him a close proximity to heavily protected officers before striking).
One by one, high-ranking officers of the rival factions were found mutilated alongside their bodyguards. Initially, the Yamuris faction ordered Lacerus only to assassinate targets from the Uticala faction, which had become the strongest at that time. While Lacerus carried out all his missions successfully, it was to the great dismay of the Yamuris that Lacerus took the initiative to assassinate any target he pleased, including individuals from the Motoran faction. His actions were so crippling, the rival factions could not believe that it was all the work of one individual. Rumors began circulating that because the Yamuris faction had been relatively ignored before, it had now grown to a formidable size, perhaps even dwarfing the Uticala faction. It was not long before a non-aggression pact between Utcala and Motoran factions was signed, and the two sides focused their strength on eliminating the Yamuris before resuming their war between one another.
Infuriated, the Yamuris Council ordered the alchemists to “fix” Lacerus and ensure no further acts of insubordination would arise. Even with the CIM intensity increased to near fatal levels, the alchemists were unable to subdue the rogue behaviour patterns of Lacerus. As the vice of the rival factions began to close in on the Yamuris, they Yamuris Council found themselves with no choice but to once again release their most efficient agent against the enemy factions. As grim as the situation looked, the council decided that they needed all the power they could use. Should they somehow remain the victor in the war, the spoils of time would provide all that they needed to resume work on perfecting the technology that Lacerus possessed. From him, they could spawn an army of bladed super agents that possessed all his strengths, and none of his weaknesses. After that, Lacerus would simply be terminated. He was, after all, a prototype, and nothing more.
Eight months later, the Yamuris stood victorious.
</i>
Did I put you to sleep?
More to come...
Comments
<img src='http://s95094929.onlinehome.us/stuff/Lacerusinitial.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
Yeah, I'm still a beginner so I just rely on dodges and burns for now. Been a LONG time since I've coloured anything in photoshop. I'm glad this hiatus has been shattered.
Oh yeah, the history's been updated.