Yup Me Again
<div class="IPBDescription">with more problems</div> Okay as some of you may remember my earlier topic about me and my odd relationship with my girlfriend. Don't know who do, but it should be a few pages behind right now.
So, more words of thoughts ensue: I saw a dream last night. I just got so messed up about it, that Im really wondering why I saw it.. It goes like this:
In the dream Im in some sort of movie theater or similar (yesterday we were watching a movie in an auditorium at school) with my girlfriend on my left side. Then there's this one gorgeus chick I know from school who is like *drool* worthy and also a friend of mine. She appears on my right side, and starts to eh.. how you say: feel me up <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif' /><!--endemo--> so I try to push her away from me saying "stop that I have a girlfriend with me here" and she says "so?" and meanwhile my girlfriend is watching at the movie, ignoring what's happening with me.
Then the other girl is gone, and we're in my room. I start to regret pushin this other girl away from me and so I tell my girlfriend that "it's over I can't stand you anymore" and she starts to type like ")"/=)Q/?HRQ("YH(?Q"" on the computer keyboard to the screen, all nonsense. I leave the room to go and find the other chick, grab a bicycle and leave to downtown... then I see a big "R" appear in front of me and the alarm clock goes off
<!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I've been thinking about the dream the whole day, can't get it out of my head.. and the oddest part? <b>I was disappointed the dream wasn't true.. </b> I feel like I don't want to stay together with my girlfriend. I don't know how I have been able to stay with her for the 6 months now, but all I do know is that my emotions are messed up. I can't separate love from friendship or something, but I can certainly say that unlike that I say outloud, I don't think Im able to spend the rest of my life with this girl, no way.
But what kind of a freak would it make me if I went to her after 6 months and said "hey, I don't think we should meet anymore" without a real reason. I would do that if I had the guts to just say it out loud with no regrets, but I don't. I would need a real reason here to be honest.
<b>I wish she'd cheat on me..</b> I wouldn't care, instead I'd be more happy cause THEN I could say that we're off with no regrets and she couldn't blame be for anything! We live 2km away from each others, we meet every day in the bus, we have courses together, and we share friends. How on earth could I just break up with her when I would have to have her sitting next to me in some classes <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I don't know what do anymore.. and I feel great for typing this down out of my head... I'll also try and get a link for my previous post here... thanks for reading...
[edit] found it: <a href='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=67575&hl' target='_blank'>http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/in...wtopic=67575&hl</a>
So, more words of thoughts ensue: I saw a dream last night. I just got so messed up about it, that Im really wondering why I saw it.. It goes like this:
In the dream Im in some sort of movie theater or similar (yesterday we were watching a movie in an auditorium at school) with my girlfriend on my left side. Then there's this one gorgeus chick I know from school who is like *drool* worthy and also a friend of mine. She appears on my right side, and starts to eh.. how you say: feel me up <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif' /><!--endemo--> so I try to push her away from me saying "stop that I have a girlfriend with me here" and she says "so?" and meanwhile my girlfriend is watching at the movie, ignoring what's happening with me.
Then the other girl is gone, and we're in my room. I start to regret pushin this other girl away from me and so I tell my girlfriend that "it's over I can't stand you anymore" and she starts to type like ")"/=)Q/?HRQ("YH(?Q"" on the computer keyboard to the screen, all nonsense. I leave the room to go and find the other chick, grab a bicycle and leave to downtown... then I see a big "R" appear in front of me and the alarm clock goes off
<!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I've been thinking about the dream the whole day, can't get it out of my head.. and the oddest part? <b>I was disappointed the dream wasn't true.. </b> I feel like I don't want to stay together with my girlfriend. I don't know how I have been able to stay with her for the 6 months now, but all I do know is that my emotions are messed up. I can't separate love from friendship or something, but I can certainly say that unlike that I say outloud, I don't think Im able to spend the rest of my life with this girl, no way.
But what kind of a freak would it make me if I went to her after 6 months and said "hey, I don't think we should meet anymore" without a real reason. I would do that if I had the guts to just say it out loud with no regrets, but I don't. I would need a real reason here to be honest.
<b>I wish she'd cheat on me..</b> I wouldn't care, instead I'd be more happy cause THEN I could say that we're off with no regrets and she couldn't blame be for anything! We live 2km away from each others, we meet every day in the bus, we have courses together, and we share friends. How on earth could I just break up with her when I would have to have her sitting next to me in some classes <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I don't know what do anymore.. and I feel great for typing this down out of my head... I'll also try and get a link for my previous post here... thanks for reading...
[edit] found it: <a href='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=67575&hl' target='_blank'>http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/in...wtopic=67575&hl</a>
Comments
They're all boring. D:
i always put honesty over feelings, cause telling each other the problems, the good things and stuff like that can really help your feelings, instead of wandring around and being confused, say what is needed to be said, but don't wait...
wow... alot of nonsence... well... hope it made some sence..
You see your girlfriend a hell of a lot.
She is more like your female best friend rather than lover or soul mate.
You are around a major milestone in your relationship, and you finally have to think about commitment in the relationship, and this has led you to doubts.
You are questioning the authenticy of your relationship, your motives, the future.
You do not want to commit, you are looking for reasons to not have to, you're worried about any obligations of an 'official' relationship.
You want the other girl to come along, to break up the relationship with no moral dilemna's on your part, so you can start afresh with more time before you have to worry about these problems again.
I've set out how I think you might be feeling, but you're going to have to be the one to decide how you're going to live your live, and make the decision you're going to make.
However, I'm not the kind of guy to 'diagnose' a patient then run off giggling. Maybe you might want to also consider the following...
Friend. She is your friend, your best friend, you absolutely love and adore her. There is no reason for you to marry her, or follow any social constructs. Your feelings for her are all that matter, enjoy the time you spend with her. You have no obligations in this relationship, stop worrying. Do what feels right and will lead to happiness. Cherish your feelings for this girl, and not the social standing of the relationship.
Lover. She is your lover. This girl shares the most intimate physical side of your self. If she hasn't approached you about it, there is no reason to consummate this physical and earthly relationship on a social level. Enjoy the times you have with this girl. She does not need to be 'the one'. 'The one' may not even exist. Simply... aim for happiness.
Soul Mate. So she's your soul mate... this relationship transcends all social presets. You are not obligated to do anything to or for this girl... Enjoy, and continue sharing the most intimate part of your being, your feelings and thoughts. You do not need to do anything but entertain your existance with happiness.
I can write all my advice and opinions for eternity, but it is you who needs to read them and choose to understand and build on my appreciation of the situation. Think about what concerns you and find your solutions through yourself. Other people can't help you resolve inner conflict. We can show you the way, but it is you that follows it to reach the destination and the answer to your question.
In the end, all I can finish with is... believe what makes you happy. Do what makes you happy. That's the most we can ask for in this life, and many many people don't find that happiness. So keep to the basics and aim for happiness.
Oh. Dear.
I see your point, of course I need to make decisions of my own. The thing is: We've been dating for 6 months in 10 days, and we have physical and mental loving for each others but something's still quite not right. Even though I say to her I love her, in the same time I don't really mean it.. Im not sure if it's love that I feel! And I don't have that all "cuddly" feeling towards her when I see her and stuff.. I just feel "feh, here she comes again" and sometimes... I just wish we weren't even dating.. things were so much easier back then <!--emo&???--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/confused.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='confused.gif' /><!--endemo--> Sometimes I wish I could stay home for the whole day... so I have to make excuses why I can't go over to her place.
What's up with me not knowing if I like her or not anyways? She's cute and nice.. but way too close-minded for me. I hate to be with people who can't relax with company and go "heey how you doing" to people .. instead she won't speak to anyone, she doesn't like anyone, and she's just always silent. I've tried to make her say more than "hi" to my mom but she just won't speak a word at the dinner table. Im the kind of type who makes a new friend per day and enjoys talking to people.. I even bought a mothersday gift to her mom just because I wanted to, then we talked about diets <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
<u>We are too different.</u>
But I don't know if things would be any better even if we DID broke up.. I don't know how my surrounds would react to it. Mom going "why haven't I seen her for a while" and people at school going "where is she" and I'd have to explain everyone we aren't seeing anymore. Also she is a really great help in some things.. like listening. Even though Im a social person I've never really had the best friend whom I could've talked about anything personal. Well now I do.
Eediot, feel free to write more about what you have to say if you do have anything to add, I really appreciate it.. made me think a bit <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo-->