Club Brawling: Round Ii
<div class="IPBDescription">The Night of a Thousand Wonderments</div> *sigh* I really do question my faith in humanity<i> constantly </i>while at work. On top of that, it seems that 99% of the patrons coming through the doors have some secret vendetta against me, that involves them being right arseholes about ANYTHING I ask them... So for an experiment tonight, I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down all that happened to me.
Tonight I was on the door, so I got the pleasant task of standing around for 8 1/2 hours and copping abuse.
Ahhhh, but I digress. ONWARDS!
To get into a club as a member all you need to do is flash your member card (We call it a 'badge' for some mystical reason) at the doorman, and on your bike you go. Problems arise when you get the oldies coming in, who are just slightly borderline senile, who don't show their badge. That's an easy enough fix as you just say "Excuse me, but I haven't seen your badge yet" *Badge* "Thank you."
On ocassion you also get people coming in with their badge upside down. Like one of the patrons had tonight. "Excuse me sir, I haven't seen your badge yet."
"What are you talking about, it's right HERE" *shoves badge in my face*
"It's upside down sir."
*mumbles something under his breath while he proceeds to get card out* "Here you f***ng idiot"
Urgh.... Yeah it's completely my fault your badge is upside down due to your stupidity and I'm also terribly sorry my X-Ray vision isn't what it used to be.... Yet I swallow my pride and reply "Thank you sir" and get on with it. Crap like that isn't worth dealing with. Just old arseholes who think they run the place.
While on the topic of impatience, our club runs a courtesy bus service that drops patrons off at their doorsteps. It runs every hour and is a free service provided by the club for the convenience of the patrons. 20 minutes to the hour, the book is opened for registration to get on the bus. A simple process as you make an announcement and out pop a few people who put down their address and whatnot. So it reaches the top of the hour, and the bus is departing. So you make an announcement that it's leaving. "Attention please members and guest *WHERE I WORK* Courtesy Bus is now departing. Would those people who have registered for this service, please board now. Thank you." and out pop all the people who board the bus and get sent home (Good riddance)
Now you see, there are some people who like to make life <b>difficult</b> for everyone involved, and it just complicates the process and generally puts you in a foul mood.
So there I am checking some badges, signing people in and taking a phone call from the boss (Telling me to page another employee) when along comes The Patron. See The Patron had registered his name for the bus, and The Patron had something in the cloak room he needed to get out in order to get on the bus and get home. Lord knows he had <b>20 FRICKIN MINUTES </b>in which to do this, but yet he wanders over.... "I WANT MY STUFF NOW"
"I'm sorry sir, just a minute. I'm slightly busy" *phone in hand, juggling drivers licenses and checking everyones doing the right thing*
"BUT THE BUS IS LEAVING"
"He'll wait for you sir."
"freaking ****"
Urgh... again, you just cop this with a grain of salt and get on with it. I eventually got around to him, and lo and behold the bus waited for him. A miracle.
I'll make the 3rd one rather short.
3 underaged girls come in (Quiet you...) and say they're waiting for their parent to come out and take them home. They say she's only going to be about 15 minutes. Fair enough, so out they go and wait out the front. They could have stayed inside where it was warm, but each to their own.
1 hour later the parent walks out...
I hate gamblers.
Then in wanders the bus driver, he tells me The Patron had hopped on the bus and had bagged me out for 30 minutes. Oh goodo... I also enjoy the fact that both the Bus Driver and I share the same level of enjoyment for dealing with idiots... Which is close to f***ing none.
Ahhhhh then we have the carpark. Again, another free service provided by the club. 5 levels of car-parking for free. It also leads to no end of illegally parked cars, traffic accidents and people leaving their lights on.
For instance tonight I paged a car SIX TIMES, to return to their car and turn their lights off... but as I well knew, whoever the owner was, was too busy pressing buttons at the poker machines in some sort of vulcan mind drain.... 5 hours later she walks back in and complains her battery is dead and noone called her to tell her.
Gotta love stupidity. First you waste your paypacket at those senseless machines paying MY paypacket, then you have the goddamn gaul to come back inside and start abusing me? Bleah...
The 2nd car incident of the night was more amusing. Down on the bottom level of the carpark we have one row reserved for the Board of Director's and all of the Managers. If you don't belong to one of either of those categories, you're not allowed to park there. Too ensure this, large signs are placed on each car space "RESERVED FOR DIRECTOR'S" "RESERVED FOR MANAGER'S", etc.
I don't think it's very hard to comprehend this message.
So along comes Mr.Silver Mercedi's.
Mr Mercedi's proceeds to park in the President's car space (Below the General Manager, the most powerful representitive of the club)
Mr Mercedi's gets paged to move his car.
Thrice.
Mr Mercedi's gets towed, because the President turns up and isn't happy he can't park in his car space.
Just because you own a **** extension, doesn't mean you can park it where ever you bloody feel like it.
Then the drunks start.
I love drunks. Because the couple their already amazing intellect with alcohol to create some kind of Super Retard with the power to **** me off in stupendous fashion.
*ring ring*
"Good evening *WHERE I WORK*, how may I help you?"
*deep breathing followed by slurred speech* "Yeaahhs I wasss wonderin when youz guyz were open tooo"
"2:30am sir."
"okaishh then"
*I look up to see him standing outside the club on his mobile phone calling me*
"HELLO!"
"There's no way you're coming into this club sir. Good bye"
*hang up*
*Enjoy his sad look of disappointment as he staggers away*
Drunk #2 was feeling in a rather philosophical mood this evening, and I was more than happy to endure his useless ramblings. He came to the conclusion that getting your pay-check, then coming in and spending it all on alcohol and poker machines was a BAD idea. Well hell, some one call up Scotland Yard and tell them there's a new Sherlock Holmes in town. Mind you, it took Sherlock about 10 minutes of rambling on to get out this wonderful piece of soliloquy...
Drunk #3 decided it was a good idea to join the club at 2am in the morning... About 6 hours after reception has closed.
Drunk #4 wanders in at 2:30am and slips by me before I check his ID (I was busy grabbing a coat), he then wanders up and is about to slip $20 into the pokies.
"Oi matey. Clubs closed. OUT."
*Wanders back*
"THIS IS BULLS***"
Yeah I'm terribly sorry it's 2:30am and you felt the need to gamble...
My second last story of the evening involves my duty manager. The chain of command at the club goes STAFF -> Head Steward (Manages staff) -> Duty Manager (Manages club)
When the Head Steward is done for the night, everything goes through the Duty Manager. As with all jobs, you have your good managers and your extremely crappy ones. Tonight I had a fairly reasonable one. Man of few words, generally easy to get along with, but occassionaly he'll go into skitzo insane mode.
Right at the end of the night I hadn't had a single person come into the club for quite some time. So I sit down. This is generally a big no-no, but I knew what manager was on and he was cool with it... or so I thought.
Out wanders a GPU (General Purpose Useful AKA Glassy)
"Yeah the manager doesn't want you sitting on the chair"
"Oh... ok."
*places chair to a side*
*manager walks by 2 seconds later and doesn't say a word*
What the toe-tapping f***? "*MANAGER'S NAME* why aren't I allowed to sit down?"
I don't get an answer...
A few minutes later the same GPU comes out.
"Yeah the manager told me, to tell you to stand incase we get customers. That's why."
...
Not only is he playing the ventriloquist with the GPU and using him as a surrogate voice box, but I gotta stand up in case the magical conga line of patrons dance their way though our majestic automatic doors.
I'm sorry, but what the bloody hell...
Sadly I finish on a rather sad note.
About half way through the night one of the patrons has a heart attack, staff administer first aid before paramedics arrive and cart him off to hospital. We get informed later that unfortunately he passed away while on the way to the hospital.
But before that, something happened that truly set me off.
When someone requires first aid, rather than moving them, you rush the hell over and start giving them first aid. Someone brings some screens across for privacy and you cordone off the area. 1 patron decided to come over and complain that the screen was annoying his view of his poker machine and to get someone to move it immediately 'or else'...
"Sir, I think you need to get out of my face and show some respect for someone who requires first-aid." I grimace at him. I mean christ, this guy just had a heart attack and you're complaining about a poker machine...
Then he starts getting on my case and calling me all sorts of lovely names and how he's going to be doing all kinds of things to my mother tonight.
"Oh ok sir, would you mind stepping over here for a second so we can discuss this in a more rational manner"
*bring him around the corner where there are no cameras or witnesses*
*solid **** slap square across his face*
"SHOW SOME F***ING RESPECT YOU F***ING WESTIE WANNABE"
He then starts screaming about how he'll get my job, and he storms off. This will never get back to me, as I have such a calm collected demeanor with patrons that management will always side with me. Hell people have gone out of their way to comment to management what a polite young man I am. And even if it does get back to me, he's an arsehole. So I feel justified.
And that concludes this Round of Club Brawling.
And yes, all these events occured tonight in an 8 1/2 hour shift.
Fun. Ain't it.
2.)
Tonight I was on the door, so I got the pleasant task of standing around for 8 1/2 hours and copping abuse.
Ahhhh, but I digress. ONWARDS!
To get into a club as a member all you need to do is flash your member card (We call it a 'badge' for some mystical reason) at the doorman, and on your bike you go. Problems arise when you get the oldies coming in, who are just slightly borderline senile, who don't show their badge. That's an easy enough fix as you just say "Excuse me, but I haven't seen your badge yet" *Badge* "Thank you."
On ocassion you also get people coming in with their badge upside down. Like one of the patrons had tonight. "Excuse me sir, I haven't seen your badge yet."
"What are you talking about, it's right HERE" *shoves badge in my face*
"It's upside down sir."
*mumbles something under his breath while he proceeds to get card out* "Here you f***ng idiot"
Urgh.... Yeah it's completely my fault your badge is upside down due to your stupidity and I'm also terribly sorry my X-Ray vision isn't what it used to be.... Yet I swallow my pride and reply "Thank you sir" and get on with it. Crap like that isn't worth dealing with. Just old arseholes who think they run the place.
While on the topic of impatience, our club runs a courtesy bus service that drops patrons off at their doorsteps. It runs every hour and is a free service provided by the club for the convenience of the patrons. 20 minutes to the hour, the book is opened for registration to get on the bus. A simple process as you make an announcement and out pop a few people who put down their address and whatnot. So it reaches the top of the hour, and the bus is departing. So you make an announcement that it's leaving. "Attention please members and guest *WHERE I WORK* Courtesy Bus is now departing. Would those people who have registered for this service, please board now. Thank you." and out pop all the people who board the bus and get sent home (Good riddance)
Now you see, there are some people who like to make life <b>difficult</b> for everyone involved, and it just complicates the process and generally puts you in a foul mood.
So there I am checking some badges, signing people in and taking a phone call from the boss (Telling me to page another employee) when along comes The Patron. See The Patron had registered his name for the bus, and The Patron had something in the cloak room he needed to get out in order to get on the bus and get home. Lord knows he had <b>20 FRICKIN MINUTES </b>in which to do this, but yet he wanders over.... "I WANT MY STUFF NOW"
"I'm sorry sir, just a minute. I'm slightly busy" *phone in hand, juggling drivers licenses and checking everyones doing the right thing*
"BUT THE BUS IS LEAVING"
"He'll wait for you sir."
"freaking ****"
Urgh... again, you just cop this with a grain of salt and get on with it. I eventually got around to him, and lo and behold the bus waited for him. A miracle.
I'll make the 3rd one rather short.
3 underaged girls come in (Quiet you...) and say they're waiting for their parent to come out and take them home. They say she's only going to be about 15 minutes. Fair enough, so out they go and wait out the front. They could have stayed inside where it was warm, but each to their own.
1 hour later the parent walks out...
I hate gamblers.
Then in wanders the bus driver, he tells me The Patron had hopped on the bus and had bagged me out for 30 minutes. Oh goodo... I also enjoy the fact that both the Bus Driver and I share the same level of enjoyment for dealing with idiots... Which is close to f***ing none.
Ahhhhh then we have the carpark. Again, another free service provided by the club. 5 levels of car-parking for free. It also leads to no end of illegally parked cars, traffic accidents and people leaving their lights on.
For instance tonight I paged a car SIX TIMES, to return to their car and turn their lights off... but as I well knew, whoever the owner was, was too busy pressing buttons at the poker machines in some sort of vulcan mind drain.... 5 hours later she walks back in and complains her battery is dead and noone called her to tell her.
Gotta love stupidity. First you waste your paypacket at those senseless machines paying MY paypacket, then you have the goddamn gaul to come back inside and start abusing me? Bleah...
The 2nd car incident of the night was more amusing. Down on the bottom level of the carpark we have one row reserved for the Board of Director's and all of the Managers. If you don't belong to one of either of those categories, you're not allowed to park there. Too ensure this, large signs are placed on each car space "RESERVED FOR DIRECTOR'S" "RESERVED FOR MANAGER'S", etc.
I don't think it's very hard to comprehend this message.
So along comes Mr.Silver Mercedi's.
Mr Mercedi's proceeds to park in the President's car space (Below the General Manager, the most powerful representitive of the club)
Mr Mercedi's gets paged to move his car.
Thrice.
Mr Mercedi's gets towed, because the President turns up and isn't happy he can't park in his car space.
Just because you own a **** extension, doesn't mean you can park it where ever you bloody feel like it.
Then the drunks start.
I love drunks. Because the couple their already amazing intellect with alcohol to create some kind of Super Retard with the power to **** me off in stupendous fashion.
*ring ring*
"Good evening *WHERE I WORK*, how may I help you?"
*deep breathing followed by slurred speech* "Yeaahhs I wasss wonderin when youz guyz were open tooo"
"2:30am sir."
"okaishh then"
*I look up to see him standing outside the club on his mobile phone calling me*
"HELLO!"
"There's no way you're coming into this club sir. Good bye"
*hang up*
*Enjoy his sad look of disappointment as he staggers away*
Drunk #2 was feeling in a rather philosophical mood this evening, and I was more than happy to endure his useless ramblings. He came to the conclusion that getting your pay-check, then coming in and spending it all on alcohol and poker machines was a BAD idea. Well hell, some one call up Scotland Yard and tell them there's a new Sherlock Holmes in town. Mind you, it took Sherlock about 10 minutes of rambling on to get out this wonderful piece of soliloquy...
Drunk #3 decided it was a good idea to join the club at 2am in the morning... About 6 hours after reception has closed.
Drunk #4 wanders in at 2:30am and slips by me before I check his ID (I was busy grabbing a coat), he then wanders up and is about to slip $20 into the pokies.
"Oi matey. Clubs closed. OUT."
*Wanders back*
"THIS IS BULLS***"
Yeah I'm terribly sorry it's 2:30am and you felt the need to gamble...
My second last story of the evening involves my duty manager. The chain of command at the club goes STAFF -> Head Steward (Manages staff) -> Duty Manager (Manages club)
When the Head Steward is done for the night, everything goes through the Duty Manager. As with all jobs, you have your good managers and your extremely crappy ones. Tonight I had a fairly reasonable one. Man of few words, generally easy to get along with, but occassionaly he'll go into skitzo insane mode.
Right at the end of the night I hadn't had a single person come into the club for quite some time. So I sit down. This is generally a big no-no, but I knew what manager was on and he was cool with it... or so I thought.
Out wanders a GPU (General Purpose Useful AKA Glassy)
"Yeah the manager doesn't want you sitting on the chair"
"Oh... ok."
*places chair to a side*
*manager walks by 2 seconds later and doesn't say a word*
What the toe-tapping f***? "*MANAGER'S NAME* why aren't I allowed to sit down?"
I don't get an answer...
A few minutes later the same GPU comes out.
"Yeah the manager told me, to tell you to stand incase we get customers. That's why."
...
Not only is he playing the ventriloquist with the GPU and using him as a surrogate voice box, but I gotta stand up in case the magical conga line of patrons dance their way though our majestic automatic doors.
I'm sorry, but what the bloody hell...
Sadly I finish on a rather sad note.
About half way through the night one of the patrons has a heart attack, staff administer first aid before paramedics arrive and cart him off to hospital. We get informed later that unfortunately he passed away while on the way to the hospital.
But before that, something happened that truly set me off.
When someone requires first aid, rather than moving them, you rush the hell over and start giving them first aid. Someone brings some screens across for privacy and you cordone off the area. 1 patron decided to come over and complain that the screen was annoying his view of his poker machine and to get someone to move it immediately 'or else'...
"Sir, I think you need to get out of my face and show some respect for someone who requires first-aid." I grimace at him. I mean christ, this guy just had a heart attack and you're complaining about a poker machine...
Then he starts getting on my case and calling me all sorts of lovely names and how he's going to be doing all kinds of things to my mother tonight.
"Oh ok sir, would you mind stepping over here for a second so we can discuss this in a more rational manner"
*bring him around the corner where there are no cameras or witnesses*
*solid **** slap square across his face*
"SHOW SOME F***ING RESPECT YOU F***ING WESTIE WANNABE"
He then starts screaming about how he'll get my job, and he storms off. This will never get back to me, as I have such a calm collected demeanor with patrons that management will always side with me. Hell people have gone out of their way to comment to management what a polite young man I am. And even if it does get back to me, he's an arsehole. So I feel justified.
And that concludes this Round of Club Brawling.
And yes, all these events occured tonight in an 8 1/2 hour shift.
Fun. Ain't it.
2.)
Comments
Nice work with the slap, too.
I have to give you credit Infinitum, for keeping you calm under most circumstances. Oh yeah and nice ****-slap.
Keep in mind I was trying to <i>very</i> briefly trying to summarize the LOTR plot to my friend when we were seeing LOTR:ROTK. Also, the movie didn't even start yet.
Me: Ok so what happened....
Person: Quiet down, you're being rude.
Me: I was just trying to explain the movie to my friend sir.
Person: I don't care, its disrespectful. Now quiet down.
Me: Yes, I'm sory sir.
Person: Are you trying to backtalk me?
Me: No sir. I meant no disrespect.
Person: Good. Don't let me hear anything from you for the rest of the movie.
Me: Yes sir.
Its a shame that people have to be this way, and yes, thats almost how the convo was, word-for-word.
And cheers on the slap <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
work for a police dept and you will ask yourself that 110% of the time... <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
oh the stories i could tell.^_^
Interesting, well structured and often funny.
Go register www.Infinitum.com and simply have a blog with
this kinda stuff on it. I'd set that as my homepage anyday <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
/me huggles coal lab.
--Scythe--
It's worse than Inf's stuff at the Coles I work at...
Security guard. Nuff said.
as Tycho pointed out
Its Tales From The Front Line all over again (how I miss those <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html//emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->)