My Mind Is Being Torn Apart

ObstObst Join Date: 2003-03-12 Member: 14436Members, Constellation
<div class="IPBDescription">Emotional/Rational</div> <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
I am turning more and more insane, simply because the two ways of thinking my brain inherits drift apart more and more, and my actualy thinking/acting is changing depending on which side (emotinal/rational) is active.
The emotional part wants to feel love, wants me to express my feelings.
The rational part wants me to stay away from other people because I would have a bad influence on them.

This has been going on for a longer time now, but now the two sides are difting apart even more, resulting in me not knowing what I did when the other one was active (talking to people, moving stuff in my flat, making drawings, etc.).

I don't even know which one is active right now, or if it is a mix of the both.

In #LM I think I found the right words to describe it:
My mind is travelling in the gap between emotions and rationalism.
And the whole journey directly leads to insanity.

I even made up a quick sketch:

<img src='http://mitglied.lycos.de/adolfkrug/obst_mind.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />

Some seconds after making it the side being active in my brain had changed and I couldn't even remember me putting that gorge in there D:

Help me <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
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Comments

  • SpacerSpacer Invented dogs Join Date: 2003-05-02 Member: 16008Members
    I think you should go out for the basketball.
  • AlignAlign Remain Calm Join Date: 2002-11-02 Member: 5216Forum Moderators, Constellation
    Find a doctor/psychologist.

    Really.
    You may have an undiagnosed something or other, but been able to supress... until now.
  • kill4thrillskill4thrills Join Date: 2004-06-24 Member: 29506Members, Constellation
    you just neeed to play more navyfield.
  • ThaldarinThaldarin Alonzi&#33; Join Date: 2003-07-15 Member: 18173Members, Constellation
    Obst do you see the off topic forums as some form of Trisha, Jerry Springer or Sally Jesse Raphael?
  • SpacerSpacer Invented dogs Join Date: 2003-05-02 Member: 16008Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-Thaldarin+Mar 19 2005, 12:14 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Thaldarin @ Mar 19 2005, 12:14 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Obst do you see the off topic forums as some form of Trisha, Jerry Springer or Sally Jesse Raphael?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    SAY THE MAN WHO POSTED ASKING FOR RELATIONSHIP HELP AFTER HE THOUGHT HE GOT HIS GIRLFRIEND PREGNANT.
    <b>IRONY.</b>
  • Mr_JeburtOMr_JeburtO Join Date: 2003-08-29 Member: 20340Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-Thaldarin+Mar 19 2005, 12:14 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Thaldarin @ Mar 19 2005, 12:14 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Obst do you see the off topic forums as some form of Trisha, Jerry Springer or Sally Jesse Raphael? <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    your a **** some of us actually know Obst and care about him, unlike you.

    seriously i think you should see a doctor or psychologist.
  • SupernornSupernorn Best. Picture. Ever. Made. Ever. Join Date: 2002-11-07 Member: 7608Members, Constellation
    <!--QuoteBegin-Mr JeburtO+Mar 19 2005, 06:18 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Mr JeburtO @ Mar 19 2005, 06:18 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> some of us actually know Obst and care about him <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Yeah right, you really know him personally.
  • ThaldarinThaldarin Alonzi&#33; Join Date: 2003-07-15 Member: 18173Members, Constellation
    edited March 2005
    Spacer I asked for advice from people that may have been in the same situation as me previously in their life time. However, obst is clearly doing this as a cry for help, attention seeking and to pass time. It is unlikely obst will listen to any of his replies, where as I was interested in the subject that concerned me and I listened to all sensible replies and advice.

    Edit: Note it's different from relationship help, I had no doubt in my mind that no matter what the outcome of my situation that my relationship would still be the same, as is the case.
  • AlignAlign Remain Calm Join Date: 2002-11-02 Member: 5216Forum Moderators, Constellation
    edited March 2005
    I take it you would just frown at some dude telling you about his psychological troubles and call him a faker then?
  • twoflowtwoflow Singing Drunk Join Date: 2002-11-01 Member: 1950Members, Constellation
    That graphic is priceless, it's like something out of Brass Eye. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->

    <a href='http://twoflow.co.uk/brasseye/graph.avi' target='_blank'>http://twoflow.co.uk/brasseye/graph.avi</a>
  • ThaldarinThaldarin Alonzi&#33; Join Date: 2003-07-15 Member: 18173Members, Constellation
    <!--QuoteBegin-Align+Mar 19 2005, 07:18 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Align @ Mar 19 2005, 07:18 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I take it you would just frown at some dude telling you about his psychological troubles and call him a faker then? <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Not at all. My girlfriend has had far worse problems than this guy, and if he's talking about it showing emotion then he is clearly not that far gone or depressed. A faker is too far, but he is not a 'true' case for depression or psychiatric help.
  • TommyVercettiTommyVercetti Join Date: 2003-02-10 Member: 13390Members, Constellation, Reinforced - Shadow
    Your girlfriend had something worse than not knowing what half of your consciousness was doing?
  • ThaldarinThaldarin Alonzi&#33; Join Date: 2003-07-15 Member: 18173Members, Constellation
    Self harmer for 9 months, to date she hasn't done it for about 2 months. Attempted suicide twice, both times talked out of it (by moi). She goes to a psychiatrist once a week and attends 7 lessons of schooling a week.
  • PithlitPithlit Join Date: 2003-05-07 Member: 16120Members, NS1 Playtester, Constellation
    in wich way do you fear to have bad influence on others if you follow your emotional side?
    If you could give us specifics, we could help you decide.

    I for my side, have similar problems sometimes, but mostly i have decided for myself to risk something, jump in the cold water and see how things turn out.

    Since i don´t know what your problems are that tear you apart, thats the only thing i can say right now.
  • TommyVercettiTommyVercetti Join Date: 2003-02-10 Member: 13390Members, Constellation, Reinforced - Shadow
    <!--QuoteBegin-Thaldarin+Mar 19 2005, 02:59 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Thaldarin @ Mar 19 2005, 02:59 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Self harmer for 9 months, to date she hasn't done it for about 2 months. Attempted suicide twice, both times talked out of it (by moi). She goes to a psychiatrist once a week and attends 7 lessons of schooling a week. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    That's terrible, but just because his problem is not as bad as your girlfriend's was doesn't mean that he shouldn't seek help or tell people about it.
  • FaskaliaFaskalia Wechsellichtzeichenanlage Join Date: 2004-09-12 Member: 31651Members, Constellation
    edited March 2005
    Sorry Obst, but the only advise i can give you is to drop either emotions or rationalism. Dropping emotions is the method prefered by me. Accept the fact, that emotions are basicaly chemical reactions of your body and you might be able to overcome them.

    Let me quote Descartes:

    <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Nichts für wahr halten, was nicht so klar und deutlich erkannt worden ist, dass es nicht in Zweifel gezogen werden kann.
    Schwierige Probleme in Teilschritten erledigen
    Vom Einfachen zum Schwierigen fortschreiten
    Stets prüfen, ob in der Untersuchung Vollständigkeit erreicht sei <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    Sorry for the non germans amongst you, it is already late and i am way too tired to translate this.

    good night and think about it
  • ThaldarinThaldarin Alonzi&#33; Join Date: 2003-07-15 Member: 18173Members, Constellation
    <!--QuoteBegin-Faskalia+Mar 19 2005, 08:35 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Faskalia @ Mar 19 2005, 08:35 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Sorry Obst, but the only advise i can give you is to drop either emotions or rationalism. Dropping emotions is the method prefered by me. Accept the fact, that emotions are basicaly chemical reactions of your body and you might be able to overcome them. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    "Dropping emotions" are what creates depression. Suppression of emotion, he will feel tired, get headaches and become ill. The best thing to do is let all emotion out.
  • Ice9Ice9 Join Date: 2004-06-09 Member: 29208Members
    That's how I feel every day. I also am a self-harmer, but that's not the point. Just keep living out your life. Go on, for no reason. That's what I do.
  • ThaldarinThaldarin Alonzi&#33; Join Date: 2003-07-15 Member: 18173Members, Constellation
    Admitting it is good but this is no self help class. All I can say is go talk to your local GP then if needed go on to a psychiatrist. Without people knowing you personally obst and Ice9 it is impossible to help. If you do not want anyone else involved, throw the scissors, knives, pencil sharpener blades and whatever in the bin outside where you live. Sleep is your friend when you have the urge.
  • Ice9Ice9 Join Date: 2004-06-09 Member: 29208Members
    I've tried throwing them away. Then I suffer from extreme depression, withdrawl from society, insane amounts of sleep, and the worst - suicidal thoughts. I just don't care anymore, but I have my life still. If I didn't go back, I wouldn't.
  • remiremi remedy [blu.knight] Join Date: 2003-11-18 Member: 23112Members, Super Administrators, Forum Admins, NS2 Developer, NS2 Playtester
    <!--QuoteBegin-Thaldarin+Mar 19 2005, 02:59 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Thaldarin @ Mar 19 2005, 02:59 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Self harmer for 9 months, to date she hasn't done it for about 2 months. Attempted suicide twice, both times talked out of it (by moi). She goes to a psychiatrist once a week and attends 7 lessons of schooling a week. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Aren't you afraid that if you ever leave her she'll do something stupid?

    My girlfriend used to cut, take perscription drugs, and smoke weed and cigs.

    This druggie that she was all in love with a while ago told the school, so her parents found out, and she got help. She hasn't cut for over a year now, nor has taken drugs (weed or perscription). She also has dramatically reduced the amount she smokes (cigs).

    On my birthday last year she was all sad and basically giving me a suicide threat. Fun stuff. I know at that time I was very scared about what might happen if I left her.
  • ThaldarinThaldarin Alonzi&#33; Join Date: 2003-07-15 Member: 18173Members, Constellation
    Not at all.

    For the last month I have seen her once a week because of how busy we have both been and how time has spanned out. Okay so I've not left her but still alot of time apart and nothing like what has happened in the past has happened.

    She's more or less over it now, I guess she is just lucky she had me to help her through the majority of it as a friend and then as a boyfriend.
  • Nil_IQNil_IQ Join Date: 2003-04-15 Member: 15520Members
    <!--QuoteBegin-Faskalia+Mar 19 2005, 03:35 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Faskalia @ Mar 19 2005, 03:35 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Sorry Obst, but the only advise i can give you is to drop either emotions or rationalism. Dropping emotions is the method prefered by me. Accept the fact, that emotions are basicaly chemical reactions of your body and you might be able to overcome them.

    Let me quote Descartes:

    <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Nichts für wahr halten, was nicht so klar und deutlich erkannt worden ist, dass es nicht in Zweifel gezogen werden kann.
    Schwierige Probleme in Teilschritten erledigen
    Vom Einfachen zum Schwierigen fortschreiten
    Stets prüfen, ob in der Untersuchung Vollständigkeit erreicht sei <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    Sorry for the non germans amongst you, it is already late and i am way too tired to translate this.

    good night and think about it <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
    <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Hold nothing for aware, what was not recognized so clearly and clearly, that it cannot be pulled in doubt.  Difficult problems in part step settle advance test of the simple to the difficult always whether in the investigation totality would be reached.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

    Babelfish FTW. Sadly that is of no use to me in translation. Fortunately I think Obst is German..... if he isn't i'm not sure how to explain the name :O
  • panda_de_malheureuxpanda_de_malheureux Join Date: 2003-12-26 Member: 24775Members
    OP, you're crazy, slap yourself a bit, that might help.
  • ObstObst Join Date: 2003-03-12 Member: 14436Members, Constellation
    <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> but he is not a 'true' case for depression or psychiatric help. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
    Roger that.

    /me continues with his "life" as if nothing had happened
  • SwiftspearSwiftspear Custim tital Join Date: 2003-10-29 Member: 22097Members
    edited March 2005
    Seriously, if you have never hung out in #Lunixmonster, don't go telling obst what he is/isn't. The first time I talked to obst I was convinced he was massively clinically depressed, but the more I talk to him and think about it the more it sounds like violent bipolar disorder. He seems to go through violent mood changes that he is trying to describes as his emotional self VS his rational self. This is very likely the way it feels, but it is not acctually the case. Depression is unrelated to either being emotional nor rational. I am an extreamly overrational person, yet I am not depressed, my mom is an extreamly emotional person, yet she struggles with mild depression.

    From what I have heard it seems to me obst that your "emotional" side is your optimistic side and your "rational" side is your pessimistic side. That is probably exactly what it feels like, but I assure you, nerologicals disorders do not nessicarily reflect accurately what they make you feel.

    I know I have told you this before, but you really need to see some sort of phsychologist or counsuler, even just a family doctor would be far better then nothing. You won't have to tell your parents anything about it until you want to, very likely you will just simply never have to tell them anything. Use the fact that you live on your own to your advantage and get some anonomus help for yourself.

    Your mind is not punishing you for being a bad person. I would argue the fact that you are a bad person to begin with, yet I won't be able to convince you over the internet, so I'll just assure you that the human body DOES NOT work that way, and it does matialize physical consequences for moral deviances. Alot of people here like you and care about you. You may not feel the same way about yourself, and it may not seem signifigant that people worlds away feel anything for you, but don't tell yourself that no one likes you/cares, it just isn't true.

    [edit] dammit thursday, you are such a nub at life. Stop acting like it matters that your girlfriends is worse off then other people in the world. She may be a far end bad case but that doesn't give you authority on who does/doesn't need psycological help. Until you get a frigging psychology degree stop acting like your the expert on depressive psychological disorders. For you information there is MANY MANY more then one type of depression, and anyone suffering from even mild depression SHOULD be seeking help for it!
  • TheDestroyerTheDestroyer Tooobah Join Date: 2003-07-12 Member: 18123Members, Constellation
    Yea, Obst, find someone to talk about, that knows what they are doing. I know that I personally hate talking to psycologists, but when I went through a point in my life when I wanted to end it, that was the only thing I could do. And yes, it helped.
  • Cold_NiTeCold_NiTe Join Date: 2003-09-15 Member: 20875Members
    Obst mate, I really feel for you. So in this one case I grant you special permission to AIM me whenever if you want someone to scream at, harass or in any other way abuse through an instant messenger. I say this in complete and total honesty. Violent mood swings hurt. A lot. So find a way to vent and unwind, either with help from other people or through some new hobby that you can associate with a self-created calming sensation. Anyway, AIM Permission Granted.
  • DrfuzzyDrfuzzy FEW... MORE.... INCHES... Join Date: 2003-09-21 Member: 21094Members
    edited March 2005
    I found that staying away from people and not talking made my life better, people tend to leave you alone after awhile. I use to have the same emotions <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->

    Only downside is now that I have more friends, I feel more depressed with them than without them, even though I'm having fun. My social life drives me nuts, guess its why I like the computer so much D:
  • maniacrippermaniacripper Join Date: 2004-01-13 Member: 25288Members, Constellation
    hit the gym, take up daily jogging, drink lots of water and eat well. also go get some sun, its free and it works wonders on your inner-wellness
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