April Fools Steam Update
mind_shift
Join Date: 2004-06-07 Member: 29165Members
Join Date: 2004-06-07 Member: 29165Members
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">if it wasnt i feel like an a$$</div> I just saw the april 1st steam update news when i started up my machine tonight. I love this "realizm update" Especially the akimbo riot sheilds and the paperwork required to fix shotguns. It seems like valve had a good time writing this one up.
Comments
Quite funny, anyway.
An update is available for Counter-Strike: Source. The update will be applied automatically when your Steam client is restarted. This update addresses requests for more realism in Counter-Strike: Source. The changes are as follows:
Features/Additions
Doubled player speed when jumping. The effect to cumulative, so the more you jump, the faster you go.
Cut price of AWP by 50%.
Added akimbo Riot Shield to buy menu.
Removed de_dust from mapcycle.
Realism Enhancements:
Knives:
Between rounds, it is suggested that you unsheath the weapon and repeatedly press the attack key to air it out as the leather now collects moisture and creates pits on the blade, making it less effective in the next round.
Shotguns:
1. Firing the shotgun without ammo loaded will now cause it to jam.
2. When the shotgun jams, press F2 to fill out form DA-1823-00/A12-H8.
3. You should then hear a scribbling sound. When it stops, press F3 to send the request to LIDM.
4. Failure to do paperwork before pressing F3 will result in the immediate return of the unrepaired shotgun.
5. The repairs can take 1-2 rounds for completion. During that time, you cannot purchase a replacement firearm and may only use your sidearm or knife.
Player Models:
Several models now feature eyewear. This is a completely cosmetic enhancement with the following exceptions:
Part EP-7829-292-2 must be purchased and worn correctly at all times in order to see during the round.
In between rounds, you may purchase and use part EC-2231-833-H34 to clean your EP-7829-292-2. Note: that this does not clean the eyewear itself!
To clean the eyewear, you need to purchase and use the designated cleaner, EC-2231-233-H34, EC-2231-523-H34, or EC-2231-239-H34a respectively depending on your model's eyewear. You can determine the part # of the correct cleaner by asking someone.
Machine and submachine guns:
At least once every five rounds, press F1 to inspect the weapon:
A musical cue indicates that the inspection has started. Now press F1 again repeatedly to clean and lubricate the weapon.
Your Preventative Maintenance Status (either "cleaning" or "lubricating") is determined by the speed with which you press the F1 key and will be displayed above your head.
To accurately simulate real life maintenance mistakes, pressing F1 too quickly will lubricate either the bolt face or the trunnion block. Pressing F1 too slowly sprays lubricant directly into the buffer tube. All mistakes render the gun inoperable, though this may not become immediately apparent.
Experiment with keypress timing to avoid (and discover!) other common maintenance errors.
In order to balance the improved stopping power of a well-maintained weapon, the reloading process has been made much less reliable.
When reloading, you should listen for two or three distinct clicks over a period of several seconds.
If you hear one click or no clicks or more than two clicks, you've bent the link ejector chute and the gun will most likely explode on the next attempt to fire it, though it may not.
© Valve Corporation. All rights reserved. Valve, Half-Life, and Counter-Strike are trademarks
and/or registered trademarks of Valve Corporation. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Cute. it's no "we're adding aliens to CS" though.
<!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
haha that was my favorite part.
But funny none the less
John Woo supposedly always used akimbo pistols. Woo-tastic(a perk in a certain old mod) let you use any pistol in the game akimbo and with infinite ammo.
"YOU WANT REALISM? FINE! YOUR GUN EXPLODES IN YOUR HANDS! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?"
Gotta love it.
But funny none the less <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
It means you would carry one in each hand - for double the bullet-stoping powah! <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Err...John Woo is Chinese. Is it just me, or does it sound a bit odd for him to be coining a phrase from Japanese?
What? I'm pretty sure Ninjas were Japanese and Samurais were Chinese...
He did agree to direct Mission Impossible 2 after all...
He did agree to direct Mission Impossible 2 after all... <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<img src='http://gfx.filmweb.pl/p/3644/po.40605.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
<i>"How does it hang, my American/English associates? Greetings from sunny Saauth Arf-ri-ka, where the beaches are white and pure. Wink! Richard Roxburgh here, posting to inform the masses that the critique levelled at MI:2 is quite unjust. It really is a film for all to experience, cherish, and, most-of-all, appreciate. Unless you're a no-good kaffa. Again, I'm winking at you via the medium of bits and bytes, I just hope you boyos can realise this!
G'day!"</i>
What? I'm pretty sure Ninjas were Japanese and Samurais were Chinese... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
...actually, I'm pretty sure those are both Japanese. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
What? I'm pretty sure Ninjas were Japanese and Samurais were Chinese... <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
and im pretty sure you are wrong <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
What? I'm pretty sure Ninjas were Japanese and Samurais were Chinese... <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
and im pretty sure you are wrong <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
UltimaGecko's right, Ninjas are the stealthy assassins, Samurai are the warlord's elite. But i'll doublecheck
/me wikis
I didn't know a Chinese guy couldn't use Japanese words?? <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/sad-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Yeah, I have to agree. Specifically the 'bm' bit is bothering me.
Yeah, I have to agree. Specifically the 'bm' bit is bothering me. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Reminds me a bit of Korean...but maybe I'm just strange.
Yes:
Ninja = stealthy, assassin type people.
Samurai = knightly, servant type people.
Akimbo = Evil monkeys who hurl pineapples at cars.
<span style='font-size:6pt;line-height:100%'>[one of the above is false]</span>
Whoops. Hmm.
-shakes fists at French-Canadians infesting BC-