Ensuring Your Philanthropic Intentions Fail.
Dessidious_Confuzor
Join Date: 2004-11-05 Member: 32637Members
Join Date: 2004-11-05 Member: 32637Members
in Off-Topic
<div class="IPBDescription">Except to keep drug market running.</div> [OUT OF CHARACTER]
I am a youth of nineteen from Vancouver. I am a slow learner, and incredibly naïve. Stupid might also be an apt attribute, but to back these labels up, I need to provide evidence.
As of late, I have had some influences that have raised my awareness concerning the impoverished of our society. Having read Orwell’s ‘Down and Out in Paris and London´, a bit of this <a href='http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=1478386&perpage=40&pagenumber=1' target='_blank'>thread</a>, and just examining the poor classes from my history class, I’ve perhaps become more sympathetic to the poor than usual, and even before encountering these issues, I’ve always been compelled to try and maintain a positive outlook on people whose sub par attire and hygiene, I am told, constitute all the reason that we must not trust them.
However, I make an effort to ignore these stereotypes, and as is part of rudimentary Christian (my dubious religious affiliation) values, I attempt to give a damn about people and disregard surface appearances, difficult though it may be.
That being said, this afternoon presented me an opportunity to test whether I adhered to my values, or whether I was just a hypocrite. Coming off the train station, I was approached by a man who asked for some money. I asked him what he needed the money for, to which he stated that he wanted food. Seeing a food stand close by, I offered to buy him the food there, but he replied that he was allergic to it, suggesting that he knew an alternate location that would provide food and bedding for just four dollars. Were it not for the bedding, I would of thought any restaurant would provide the sustenance this man required, but as he stated that the deal included bedding, I subsequently agreed. It seems the man hoped that I would directly hand him the money, but I requested that I wanted to accompany him to his destination to find out what it was like. He said that was all right with him, but still suggested that I just give him the money first. I continued to refused, and when questioned why, I hesitantly replied something along the lines of “Because I want to”, or “I feel its safer with me.” You see, I have this trouble of attempting to refrain from causing any sort of offense in person (with the exception of my father). Had I not had this inhibition, I would of simply said, “Because I don’t trust you, and I think you’re going to spend it on drugs.”
To get to the location he suggested required a bus ride past a few short blocks. Throughout the time, I didn’t attempt much conversation, except to ask for his name, which he said was Derek. In the bus ride, I anticipated the possibility that I probably wouldn’t be thanked, but I simply wanted to sure that he would be fed with my money. After a short ride, we get off at the stop and Derek points out the location he will buy food from (Carnegie Centre), asking once again that I give him the money. I insisted that I wanted to see the counter and go in with him. At this point, he says that he’s “insulted” by my request, but takes me to the front door. Through the glass door, he points out the counter, and asks once again for the money. I tell him that I’ll go in with him. Once again, he says that this insults him, and I ask him why. The exchange from this point one starts to get a little hazy, but consistently claims that my refusal to give him the money directly insults him, and that I made him take the bus all the way only to tease and not give him the money. He finally says that the meal and bedding is actually over the cost of four dollars, but that since he has friends at the center, he can get a deal, suggesting that he has to pay up front by himself.
Thinking that the last statement somehow made sense, and that he began to take on a sullen look as if I had somehow betrayed him, I started taking out the money I carried.
Those of you who have seen what little contributions I offer up at arguments will know that generally do not argue with logic, or use common sense for that matter. It comes then as to no surprise why I continually failed to put two and two together, and my brain caved in from all the empty spaces inside it (though unfortunately not empty enough to simply stop breathing).
Handing the money over to him, I expected to see him walk though the door that was a few mere metres away. But as one will have deducted from the title and my numerous allusions, he began to walk away, uttering that he’d be using the money to buy crack (oddly enough, he wouldn’t take any of my pennies and gave them back to me). I immediately began following him and demanding for money back - Hah! Other than one weak attempt to block his path, I made no attempt to physically take my money back (in spite of my infamous PVC pipe swinging, I do not genuinely seek to aspire to violence). Quickly realizing the futility of getting my money back from him, I then attempted to convince him to at least use the money wisely. The exchange is one again a little muddled, but I’ll try to write what I remember. Italics represent Derek.
“Look, at least spend the money for food. It’ll be good for you.”
<i>“I will. Now leave me alone.”</i>
“Then why did you say you’d spend it on crack?”
<i>“I didn’t say that. Look it was a joke. Are you ****ing stupid to think that four dollars will actually buy me crack?”</i>
“Then why did you say you would? Look Derek, do you want to know why I didn’t give you to money? Because I don’t trust you.”
<i>“Look, leave me alone, or I’ll call the cops.”</i>
“Go ahead. I’ll get them to get you to give me back my money” – (once again, exercising an ill sense of logic, as in all the arguing from before, I never fully made him guarantee that he would go to the center to buy food. Even if I did, I don’t believe this means jack squat.)
<i>“Look, just leave me alone.”</i>
“You know what Derek. I am more than willing to help you out next time I see you. But if you do this, I can’t trust you again because you lied, and not only that, but you make it difficult for me to help others when they need help as well.”
<i>“I didn’t lie. And four dollars wasn’t enough to pay for everything anyway.”</i>
To finally avoid my continual pestering, he walked into a legalized injection center. For some arbitrary reason, it just didn’t feel proper for me to follow him indoors, and so I stood facing the door in stupefied frustration for a moment before making my way back home. Next to the injection site was pizza slices being sold for 90 cents each. While I cannot confirm that the money did not actually go to food, it seems rather unlikely.
There are two things that I am thankful to Derek for.
1. That he had the patience to wait for me to finally give him the money, rather than just mugging me directly. In retrospect, he did seem to exercise a low self-esteem, and he was obviously uncomfortable in facing me when talking.
2. I look forward to every little bit that helps to pummel my naivety into a bloody pulp. I am unfortunately an extremely slow learner, and I require numerous repetitions to understand a lesson - this isn't actually the first time this has happened, but I made more of an attempt this time around to be sure that the money was well spent, but still failing. I can already hear the catcalls of, “Why don’t you just say, ’No, I don’t have change.’ Stupid ****head.” Hitherto, I have never felt comfortable in replying “No” when asked whether I have change by a stranger. I have an odd dislike of lying over something this trivial. But now, I don’t need to inclination to lie. I feel comfortable in just replying, “Yes, but I’m not giving you any of it” then adequately stating my reasons. In the continued callusing my character, I feel less of a need to refrain from offense, and to give it where it is required. It pains me that I am only comfortable at doing this with my dad, but as reality settles in, I will hopefully not be pansy in ****ing people if I deem it necessary.
I am not rejecting my philanthropic values, but oh Magnum Mysterium that people such as I can be so goddamned stupid.
[BACK INTO CHARACTER]
I am a youth of nineteen from Vancouver. I am a slow learner, and incredibly naïve. Stupid might also be an apt attribute, but to back these labels up, I need to provide evidence.
As of late, I have had some influences that have raised my awareness concerning the impoverished of our society. Having read Orwell’s ‘Down and Out in Paris and London´, a bit of this <a href='http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=1478386&perpage=40&pagenumber=1' target='_blank'>thread</a>, and just examining the poor classes from my history class, I’ve perhaps become more sympathetic to the poor than usual, and even before encountering these issues, I’ve always been compelled to try and maintain a positive outlook on people whose sub par attire and hygiene, I am told, constitute all the reason that we must not trust them.
However, I make an effort to ignore these stereotypes, and as is part of rudimentary Christian (my dubious religious affiliation) values, I attempt to give a damn about people and disregard surface appearances, difficult though it may be.
That being said, this afternoon presented me an opportunity to test whether I adhered to my values, or whether I was just a hypocrite. Coming off the train station, I was approached by a man who asked for some money. I asked him what he needed the money for, to which he stated that he wanted food. Seeing a food stand close by, I offered to buy him the food there, but he replied that he was allergic to it, suggesting that he knew an alternate location that would provide food and bedding for just four dollars. Were it not for the bedding, I would of thought any restaurant would provide the sustenance this man required, but as he stated that the deal included bedding, I subsequently agreed. It seems the man hoped that I would directly hand him the money, but I requested that I wanted to accompany him to his destination to find out what it was like. He said that was all right with him, but still suggested that I just give him the money first. I continued to refused, and when questioned why, I hesitantly replied something along the lines of “Because I want to”, or “I feel its safer with me.” You see, I have this trouble of attempting to refrain from causing any sort of offense in person (with the exception of my father). Had I not had this inhibition, I would of simply said, “Because I don’t trust you, and I think you’re going to spend it on drugs.”
To get to the location he suggested required a bus ride past a few short blocks. Throughout the time, I didn’t attempt much conversation, except to ask for his name, which he said was Derek. In the bus ride, I anticipated the possibility that I probably wouldn’t be thanked, but I simply wanted to sure that he would be fed with my money. After a short ride, we get off at the stop and Derek points out the location he will buy food from (Carnegie Centre), asking once again that I give him the money. I insisted that I wanted to see the counter and go in with him. At this point, he says that he’s “insulted” by my request, but takes me to the front door. Through the glass door, he points out the counter, and asks once again for the money. I tell him that I’ll go in with him. Once again, he says that this insults him, and I ask him why. The exchange from this point one starts to get a little hazy, but consistently claims that my refusal to give him the money directly insults him, and that I made him take the bus all the way only to tease and not give him the money. He finally says that the meal and bedding is actually over the cost of four dollars, but that since he has friends at the center, he can get a deal, suggesting that he has to pay up front by himself.
Thinking that the last statement somehow made sense, and that he began to take on a sullen look as if I had somehow betrayed him, I started taking out the money I carried.
Those of you who have seen what little contributions I offer up at arguments will know that generally do not argue with logic, or use common sense for that matter. It comes then as to no surprise why I continually failed to put two and two together, and my brain caved in from all the empty spaces inside it (though unfortunately not empty enough to simply stop breathing).
Handing the money over to him, I expected to see him walk though the door that was a few mere metres away. But as one will have deducted from the title and my numerous allusions, he began to walk away, uttering that he’d be using the money to buy crack (oddly enough, he wouldn’t take any of my pennies and gave them back to me). I immediately began following him and demanding for money back - Hah! Other than one weak attempt to block his path, I made no attempt to physically take my money back (in spite of my infamous PVC pipe swinging, I do not genuinely seek to aspire to violence). Quickly realizing the futility of getting my money back from him, I then attempted to convince him to at least use the money wisely. The exchange is one again a little muddled, but I’ll try to write what I remember. Italics represent Derek.
“Look, at least spend the money for food. It’ll be good for you.”
<i>“I will. Now leave me alone.”</i>
“Then why did you say you’d spend it on crack?”
<i>“I didn’t say that. Look it was a joke. Are you ****ing stupid to think that four dollars will actually buy me crack?”</i>
“Then why did you say you would? Look Derek, do you want to know why I didn’t give you to money? Because I don’t trust you.”
<i>“Look, leave me alone, or I’ll call the cops.”</i>
“Go ahead. I’ll get them to get you to give me back my money” – (once again, exercising an ill sense of logic, as in all the arguing from before, I never fully made him guarantee that he would go to the center to buy food. Even if I did, I don’t believe this means jack squat.)
<i>“Look, just leave me alone.”</i>
“You know what Derek. I am more than willing to help you out next time I see you. But if you do this, I can’t trust you again because you lied, and not only that, but you make it difficult for me to help others when they need help as well.”
<i>“I didn’t lie. And four dollars wasn’t enough to pay for everything anyway.”</i>
To finally avoid my continual pestering, he walked into a legalized injection center. For some arbitrary reason, it just didn’t feel proper for me to follow him indoors, and so I stood facing the door in stupefied frustration for a moment before making my way back home. Next to the injection site was pizza slices being sold for 90 cents each. While I cannot confirm that the money did not actually go to food, it seems rather unlikely.
There are two things that I am thankful to Derek for.
1. That he had the patience to wait for me to finally give him the money, rather than just mugging me directly. In retrospect, he did seem to exercise a low self-esteem, and he was obviously uncomfortable in facing me when talking.
2. I look forward to every little bit that helps to pummel my naivety into a bloody pulp. I am unfortunately an extremely slow learner, and I require numerous repetitions to understand a lesson - this isn't actually the first time this has happened, but I made more of an attempt this time around to be sure that the money was well spent, but still failing. I can already hear the catcalls of, “Why don’t you just say, ’No, I don’t have change.’ Stupid ****head.” Hitherto, I have never felt comfortable in replying “No” when asked whether I have change by a stranger. I have an odd dislike of lying over something this trivial. But now, I don’t need to inclination to lie. I feel comfortable in just replying, “Yes, but I’m not giving you any of it” then adequately stating my reasons. In the continued callusing my character, I feel less of a need to refrain from offense, and to give it where it is required. It pains me that I am only comfortable at doing this with my dad, but as reality settles in, I will hopefully not be pansy in ****ing people if I deem it necessary.
I am not rejecting my philanthropic values, but oh Magnum Mysterium that people such as I can be so goddamned stupid.
[BACK INTO CHARACTER]
Comments
If he spends all of his money on drugs and none on food, he'll starve to death and your problem will be solved.
I guess it's good that you go to a lot of trouble to make sure your money goes to a good cause. Personally, I would just give him the money and forget about it, but that's beacuse I don't like following up and doing all that stuff.
Of course his money may go to crack, but guess what, you can't decide that for him. Confuzor, you are a bright and intelligent person, but you are also completely unaware of the consequences of your actions.
He probably was considering spending it on drugs, the fact that he said so however was more him taunting you for giving him trouble about it.
If you make a decision like that, you have to bear through it and hope for the best, you can't change what he does.