Fan Fiction
xKrazYx
Join Date: 2004-05-19 Member: 28762Members
Join Date: 2004-05-19 Member: 28762Members
<div class="IPBDescription">Something I wrote when I was bored</div> Posted this on another forum, not many replies so I thought I'd try it here. If I posted it in the wrong section, i'm sorry. I don't come here that much. Anyways, enjoy
10 Years Ago
As Mikar played in the sand dunes near his home, he sensed a disturbance, a sort of premonition that something very wrong might happen. Mikar was very unusual in many ways. The 8 year old was gifted as some might call it, a mutant as the less accepting people would call it. He was very quiet, not like the other boys who yelled and screamed and fought. His parents had given up on trying to make him normal, and Mikar was very thankful. Unlike nearly everyone else, he was worried about the war with the Kharaa. Even though his home planet of Tayseer was not in the TSA affiliation, he worried. He knew deep in his heart that the Kharaa didn't care if a planet was officially in the war, they would kill and ravage any human they could find. While the rest of the inhabitants of Tayseer thought the TSA outpost near their home planet a nuisance, Mikar was thankful for it.
As the evening came to a dark end, Mikar decided to go back home. He stopped buildling the spaceship he was molding, and stood up. He looked around him, taking in the scene. It was beautiful in the desert at this hour. Mikar tried his best to enjoy this moment as he had always done, but he could not fight the feeling that something was wrong. He shook it off, and walked towards his house.
As he walked, he smelled the faint odor of spent gunpowder and blood. Quickly, he ran, and only then did he realize that no one came out to get him, as they usually did, and the TSA Marine Corps. guards were not at their posts. Mikar ran as fast as he could towards his home, thinking to himself that his family was safe, that nothing had happened to them. Even as he tried to calm himself, he knew it was futile. The Kharaa killed everything they came in contact with. His unarmed family stood no chance. As he ran, tears came into his eyes, and they stung. Coming into the outskirts, Mikar saw smoke and blood everywhere, both human and Kharaa alike. He smelled the odor of a Grenade Launcher, and saw Heavy Machine Gun bullet casings on the ground. He knew there had been a huge battle, and in his daydreaming, he hadn't sensed it.
Mikar ran to his house, and when he saw what remained of it, his knees buckled and he fell down. The house had been demolished by Onos and he could see traces of Acid Rockets. His family lay near the house. Apparently, they had tried to run, but had been torn apart by Lerks. Mikar fell down, and he felt weak. In his daze, he didn't hear the sound of a Skulk leaping towards him. However, before it came close enough to tear his throat out, he heard the unmistable sound of a high powered magnum sniper rifle, and the skulk literally exploded before him. He turned around and saw a Marine in green armor on a two-story buildling. The marine nodded at him, and continued to pick off Aliens. It was only then that Mikar noticed the battle was still raging, and it seemed as though the Marines were going to win this one.
As the last Fades and Onos were rounded up and shredded to bits by HMGs, Mikar still couldn't move. Near him, he saw a Frontiersman being pursued by a Fade. The soldier had a Shotgun, but he was reloading. Unaware of what came over him, Mikar dashed towards the Fade, and the next thing he knew, the Fade started shrieking and fell down, dead. The marine looked at Mikar, and a mixture of shock and fear crept into his eyes, but only for a split second. The very next, he shouted at Mikar to go to the makeshift bunker the Marines had set up, and to take shelter behind the Turrets. Mikar did as he was told and ran into the bunker. Once inside, he ran up to the eagle's nest and looked down at the battle, which had come at last to an end, in favor of the Marines. The last Onos was cornered by Heavy Armors and shot down. As it died, a intense wave of emotion came over Mikar. Perhaps it was empathy, perhaps it was hatred, or perhaps it was a mixture of both. Mikar had seen enough carnage, and went down to sit with the other survivors.
As the battle concluded, The marine that Mikar had saved came over to him, along with three other Frontiersmen. One of them had a red badge on his chest, the sign of a Master Sargeant. The second had the sign of a Siege Turret, presumably the sign of the Artillery Squadron. The last soldier had a badge of a Alien Eye. He was apparently the leader, and Mikar knew that he was in the Kharaa Hunter Order, the most elite of the marines, tasked with the assasination of specific aliens.
The three men came over to Mikar, and they told him to come with them. Mikar obeyed, and they walked to a remote location near the outskirts of town. The soldier Mikar had saved sat down, and turned to Mikar.
"Son, do you know what you did to that Fade"
"No...no sir, I...I don't" replied Mikar, scared.
"Son, that Fade was killed. Do you have any idea how you did that?" the Artillery Corps. Captain said
"Sir, I really don't know what I did. I really don't"
"That Fade was killed by a Psi blast. There were no bullets in him, no scorch marks from Greandes, and no gashes from knives on its body"
"Are you aware that you have immense psychic powers, young man" said the Master Sargeant
"I never knew that I had that kind of power...but I think I knew I was psychic to some extent"
"Well son, that kind of power now is extremely rare, and it is powerful beyond belief." said the Kharaa Hunter, speaking up at last. He paused a moment, and then said haltingly "Now, I know that this has been a hard day for you. I am sorry, I truly am. I know what it feels like to lose family. There is nothing here for you now. We in the TSA need soldiers like you. You could be the key to winning this war. What do you say?"
Mikar, although he was scared half to death, nodded and said "Yes sir. I will join the Marine Corps."
"Good, I want you in a new division. We are gathering gifted young men, and we're going to form a Psi Corps. They are going to be the most powerful soldiers, and they will be able to take down a Fade or an Oni by themselves. They won't use weaponary, explosives, or technology. They will use their minds, and the Kharaa are not prepared for that."
As Mikar walked towards the BattleCruiser, he took a last look at the desecrated town, and he bowed his head and shed a tear for all who had died. He made a promise to himself right there that he would find and kill every last alien in the universe.
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End of Part 1. Part 2 to come whenever I feel like it. Hope you all like it. Feedback would be welcomed. Constructive criticism is appreciated also.
10 Years Ago
As Mikar played in the sand dunes near his home, he sensed a disturbance, a sort of premonition that something very wrong might happen. Mikar was very unusual in many ways. The 8 year old was gifted as some might call it, a mutant as the less accepting people would call it. He was very quiet, not like the other boys who yelled and screamed and fought. His parents had given up on trying to make him normal, and Mikar was very thankful. Unlike nearly everyone else, he was worried about the war with the Kharaa. Even though his home planet of Tayseer was not in the TSA affiliation, he worried. He knew deep in his heart that the Kharaa didn't care if a planet was officially in the war, they would kill and ravage any human they could find. While the rest of the inhabitants of Tayseer thought the TSA outpost near their home planet a nuisance, Mikar was thankful for it.
As the evening came to a dark end, Mikar decided to go back home. He stopped buildling the spaceship he was molding, and stood up. He looked around him, taking in the scene. It was beautiful in the desert at this hour. Mikar tried his best to enjoy this moment as he had always done, but he could not fight the feeling that something was wrong. He shook it off, and walked towards his house.
As he walked, he smelled the faint odor of spent gunpowder and blood. Quickly, he ran, and only then did he realize that no one came out to get him, as they usually did, and the TSA Marine Corps. guards were not at their posts. Mikar ran as fast as he could towards his home, thinking to himself that his family was safe, that nothing had happened to them. Even as he tried to calm himself, he knew it was futile. The Kharaa killed everything they came in contact with. His unarmed family stood no chance. As he ran, tears came into his eyes, and they stung. Coming into the outskirts, Mikar saw smoke and blood everywhere, both human and Kharaa alike. He smelled the odor of a Grenade Launcher, and saw Heavy Machine Gun bullet casings on the ground. He knew there had been a huge battle, and in his daydreaming, he hadn't sensed it.
Mikar ran to his house, and when he saw what remained of it, his knees buckled and he fell down. The house had been demolished by Onos and he could see traces of Acid Rockets. His family lay near the house. Apparently, they had tried to run, but had been torn apart by Lerks. Mikar fell down, and he felt weak. In his daze, he didn't hear the sound of a Skulk leaping towards him. However, before it came close enough to tear his throat out, he heard the unmistable sound of a high powered magnum sniper rifle, and the skulk literally exploded before him. He turned around and saw a Marine in green armor on a two-story buildling. The marine nodded at him, and continued to pick off Aliens. It was only then that Mikar noticed the battle was still raging, and it seemed as though the Marines were going to win this one.
As the last Fades and Onos were rounded up and shredded to bits by HMGs, Mikar still couldn't move. Near him, he saw a Frontiersman being pursued by a Fade. The soldier had a Shotgun, but he was reloading. Unaware of what came over him, Mikar dashed towards the Fade, and the next thing he knew, the Fade started shrieking and fell down, dead. The marine looked at Mikar, and a mixture of shock and fear crept into his eyes, but only for a split second. The very next, he shouted at Mikar to go to the makeshift bunker the Marines had set up, and to take shelter behind the Turrets. Mikar did as he was told and ran into the bunker. Once inside, he ran up to the eagle's nest and looked down at the battle, which had come at last to an end, in favor of the Marines. The last Onos was cornered by Heavy Armors and shot down. As it died, a intense wave of emotion came over Mikar. Perhaps it was empathy, perhaps it was hatred, or perhaps it was a mixture of both. Mikar had seen enough carnage, and went down to sit with the other survivors.
As the battle concluded, The marine that Mikar had saved came over to him, along with three other Frontiersmen. One of them had a red badge on his chest, the sign of a Master Sargeant. The second had the sign of a Siege Turret, presumably the sign of the Artillery Squadron. The last soldier had a badge of a Alien Eye. He was apparently the leader, and Mikar knew that he was in the Kharaa Hunter Order, the most elite of the marines, tasked with the assasination of specific aliens.
The three men came over to Mikar, and they told him to come with them. Mikar obeyed, and they walked to a remote location near the outskirts of town. The soldier Mikar had saved sat down, and turned to Mikar.
"Son, do you know what you did to that Fade"
"No...no sir, I...I don't" replied Mikar, scared.
"Son, that Fade was killed. Do you have any idea how you did that?" the Artillery Corps. Captain said
"Sir, I really don't know what I did. I really don't"
"That Fade was killed by a Psi blast. There were no bullets in him, no scorch marks from Greandes, and no gashes from knives on its body"
"Are you aware that you have immense psychic powers, young man" said the Master Sargeant
"I never knew that I had that kind of power...but I think I knew I was psychic to some extent"
"Well son, that kind of power now is extremely rare, and it is powerful beyond belief." said the Kharaa Hunter, speaking up at last. He paused a moment, and then said haltingly "Now, I know that this has been a hard day for you. I am sorry, I truly am. I know what it feels like to lose family. There is nothing here for you now. We in the TSA need soldiers like you. You could be the key to winning this war. What do you say?"
Mikar, although he was scared half to death, nodded and said "Yes sir. I will join the Marine Corps."
"Good, I want you in a new division. We are gathering gifted young men, and we're going to form a Psi Corps. They are going to be the most powerful soldiers, and they will be able to take down a Fade or an Oni by themselves. They won't use weaponary, explosives, or technology. They will use their minds, and the Kharaa are not prepared for that."
As Mikar walked towards the BattleCruiser, he took a last look at the desecrated town, and he bowed his head and shed a tear for all who had died. He made a promise to himself right there that he would find and kill every last alien in the universe.
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End of Part 1. Part 2 to come whenever I feel like it. Hope you all like it. Feedback would be welcomed. Constructive criticism is appreciated also.
Comments
"Watch it Mikar, Fade coming down your corridor!" Yelled the Marine
"Got it...got it...hang on." Mikar said, as he prepared for the Fade
As the Fade blinked past the Turrets and the Electric defenses, Mikar sat in the shadows of the hallway, waiting. As the Fade got closer, it started slowing down, aware that something was wrong. All of a sudden, it shrieked and started to go out of control. Then, just as suddenly as it began, it stopped and the Fade was dead.
"Fade down" radioed Mikar to the soldiers at the frontlines.
"Roger that General. Frontline forces, continue advancing, the hive is near. 72nd Marine Regiment, out"
"OK, Demolitions team, follow me!" yelled Mikar to his squad. They were in charge of setting up the Siege Cannons and for providing artillery support.
The first squadron was to provide diversion so that the Demolitions team could set up the artillery in safety. The whole squad consisted of 10 marines, including Mikar. There were 6 Heavy Armors and 3 Jetpacks. The first squadron consisted of many more soldiers, numbering around the 50's. The majority of them were Heavy Armor, and the Jetpacks were used mainly for hunting down Lerks.
Mikar trusted that the 72nd Regiment would do their job, so he started to do his.
"Alright men, time to blow this crap to hell. You three, set up the siege cannons. The rest of you heavy armors, guard them. Jetpacks, with me." Just as he finished giving his orders, the marines started to do them. Mikar led the Jetpackers to clear the area of any aliens and structures.
As they formed a perimeter, Mikar got an urgent radio call from the frontlines.
"General Mikar, requesting immediate backup. Contact the BattleCruiser and tell them we have a level 3 emergency. Set off a distress beacon, and set up a phase gate. We need immediate assistance at the frontlines."
The soldier barely finished his sentence before Mikar barked out his own orders.
"You three, get to the docking area and set off the Distress Beacon. I'll go straight to the frontlines. Go go go!"
Mikar went back quickly to check on the siege cannons, and after making sure the area was all clear for the heavy armors, he set off towards the front. It took him about 2 minutes to get to the front, and from the looks of it, he came just in time. The forward encampment was being ravaged by no less than 5 onos and 20 fades.
"God dammit" cursed Mikar, hoping that the distress beacon would reach them in time. Right now, his sole thoughts were focused on saving what marines were left, and killing whatever aliens stood in his way.
Seeing that the commander was dead, Mikar took charge
"Everyone, form a phalanx behind me. Heavy Armors in the vanguard, Jetpackers in the flank. Grenade Lanchers in the rear. Go now!"
The 20 some remaining soldiers, thankful for a commander, obeyed. Mikar saw that the situation was looking futile, and impossible unless he had more marines, decided on a more evasive plan of attack.
"Split up!" he yelled. "Left side focus on the onos, right side, with me. We're hunting fades boys!"
As he led his team into battle, Mikar shouted his last instructions at them. "Men, don't try and kill them at all costs. I want you to stay alive. That is your main objective, got that? Leave the fades to me"
No sooner had he said it, Mikar faded out of view and he rushed through the alien frontlines. Spotting gorges putting up offense and defense chambers, he decided to kill them first. Sneaking up behind the first one, he disposed of it quickly. The one nearest to it spotted Mikar, and it was dead before it could cry out. The third one, busy building the alien backup defenses, was unaware of his comrades' tragic fate. Mikar smiled a little to himself, and thought it was a shame that he had to kill these cute little creatures. They would make nice pets, if their spit wasn't corrosive enough to kill an unarmed human. Mikar quickly disposed of the last gorges and went to hunt the fades. One by one, Mikar silently took them out. However, there were simply too many aliens. Mikar couldn't take out the whole alien task force by himself. As powerful as he was, he wasn't invincible. Just as he was starting to get exhausted, the backups arrived. Around 60 marines burst through the phase gate, and started laying down supressing fire.
"Team, fall back!" shouted Mikar, and the marines were more than happy to follow his orders. Only 12 marines remained of the 20 some that he had at the beginning, but that was better than having everyone dead.
"Alright everyone" he yelled as the last fades and onos fled "set up the encampment again. The demolitions team are just about ready. Fortify this position and wait for my go."
Mikar appointed a Master Seargant to take command, and rushed back to the HA siege point. As he got there, he discovered a rogue fade trying to take out the sieges. He noticed that none of his rines were dead, and he was thankful for this. The fade was a very pesky one, and hard to kill for the clumsy Heavy Armors, even with the advanced Heavy Machine Guns. Mikar smiled to himself and sent a Psi blast at the fade, killing it instantly. The fade fell down and literally exploded, covering the marines with a green goo. "Now there's something you don't see everyday." said the marine nearest to the fade "Thank god"
Mikar laughed, and double checked to see that the sieges were in perfect working order. As soon as he finished checking, he radioed the front.
"Alright guys, we're ready as soon as you are. On my mark, advance towards the hive in a phalanx formation. I need 5 guys to stay back and scan the area. Over and out"
Mikar then grinned at his rines, and radioed back the Jetpackers. He was glad to see none of them had died either. "Alright boys, this is when the fun begins. Man the siege cannons"
Mikar and his soldiers climbed into the huge cannons, and they were given coordinates by the artillery captain at the front.
"On my mark. Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire at will!"
Boom, boom boom went the siege cannons. The deafening roar blocked out the aliens' screams as the hives and structures exploded in a flash of blinding white light.
As the last hive went down, and the last Kharaa exterminated, Mikar gave the signal to recycle the outpost and told his soldiers to join up with the rest of the army.
"Good job today boys, i'm glad to see that you all survived."
"Thank you sir, we're glad to see you survived too" said the soldiers.
As the soldiers went off to join the rest of the marines, Mikar went back to the docking bay and boarded his special ship. He set the coordinates and rocketed away to the command ship orbited outside the planet.
As he took his last look at Tanith, Mikar felt a sense of hatred for the aliens, but this was overshadowed by the surge of pleasure he felt when he saw the dead and dying Kharaa, their guts all over the wall.
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End of part 2. Part 3 will explain more about the mysterious Psi Corps.
Keep up the good work! I'm eager to see part 3!
"General Mikar, please report to the debriefing room" droned the P.A. system aboard the command ship. Mikar complied and walked silently to the big oval room. When he stepped inside, he could see the five other Psi Corps. generals were already there.
"Hello Annalisa, Freyalise, Aurora, Aldeer, Balan." said Mikar, greeting the others "I'm glad to see you're all still alive and well" he finished with a smirk
"Oh, you know us. No wussy alien's gonna even touch us. We're glad to see you're alive too though" replied Balan with the same smirk on his face that Mikar wore.
"Alright guys, enough small talk" boomed the Sky Marshall Terimandas. "I'm very glad to see all six of you were successful in your respective missions. I'll go through what we've accomplished from all this"
"First, Mikar and his squadron successfully took down the alien infestation in our Tanith research facility. We've restored the defenses, and stationed a fleet of ships to overlook it. It will be our main research facility for our new secret weapons"
"Second, Aldeer, Freyalise, and Aurora have infiltrated Secret Station 003 and managed to set off the distress beacon, bringing in our whole fleet to bombard the [censored] out of the planet. We're restoring the facility as we speak, and all traces of Kharaa life have been exterminated. This will be our main energy source to fuel our experiments and research. As you all know, there is a tremendous amount of resources in the Station, as well as around it. We suspect that's why the aliens tried so hard to get it. But we've got it back, and we're resuming the mining operations faster than ever."
"Last, but of course not least, Balan and Annalisa have lead the army to a total rout of the aliens at the outlying planet of Tetranopolis. We've captured the planet, exterminated the Kharaa, and have started to make the planet a industrial sector to build ships and weapons."
"Now, i'm gonna tell you about the secret research operation we have going on. As you know, our armament consists of Light and Heavy Machine Guns, Grenade Launchers, and Shotguns for close quarters combat, the Kharaa are starting to evolve to be more resistant to those weapons. As of the last encounter we had with the Kharaa, it took 30 marines, all with Heavy Machine Guns, fully upgraded, to take down 3 onos. That's 10 marines to take down a single onos boys. This cannot go on; our population is not infinite. So, we captured an Onos, and our top scientists have begun experimenting on it to see what makes it tick, and what it's most vulnerable to. How we figured it out was, actually, an accident. One of the assistants cut himself on a scalpel, and he bled on the Onos. At the same time, a chemical, which for now we will call Chemical X, was spilled on the onos. As the two liquids combined, the onos shrieked in pain, and the liquids tore a hole clean through the onos. The scientists have been working their **** off and have managed to reproduce the liquid in massive amounts. All that's left to do now is to make weapons out of them, which is what we're using Tanith for. As you know, creating new weapons takes tremendous amounts of energy and resources, so that's why we needed to capture Secret Station 003."
"Well, that's all i'm allowed to tell you all right now, but i'm sure we'll find out more as more is discovered. I have the utmost faith in our scientists...Almost as much faith as I have in you guys" finished the Sky Marshall with a grin. "I'm very proud of you guys. Job well done, mission accomplished. Now, go and take a well deserved break. I'll call you if anything arises. Oh wait...there's one more thing. You guys have a damned press conference. Stupid CNN and FOX News wants a special with the Elite Psi Corps. Won't last long, I promise. Just grit your teeth and get through with it. I'll see you later Generals."
As the six friends walked out of the room, they started smiling and embracing each other.
"It's been a long, long six weeks guys. I really am glad to see you're all alright." said Annalisa
"Yea, so am I" said Freyalise
"Me too" replied Aurora
"Awww....who would have thought the girls would get mushy at our reunion...haha" grinned Aldeer.
"Haha, yea, just like the girls to get mushy." replied Balan.
"Of course, that's what they're for" Mikar interjected. "But you know we care, we're like family." Mikar caught himself stealing a glance at Annalisa, a very quick one. He glanced away and pretended to be looking at something before she could catch him.
"Oh [censored], we've got the press conference. Lets go guys, then we can do whatever the hell we want. Party time! WOOOO!" shouted Aldeer
"Heh, heh, OH RIGHT" said Balan
"Giggity giggity giggity" laughed Mikar
"Boys..." laughed the three girls together, as they all headed into the press conference room.
"General Mikar, Brick Tamland from FOX News. What exactly is this Elite Psi Corps. How many soldiers, what makes you guys so special?"
"Well" started Mikar "we are, as the name suggests, an elite group of specially selected soldiers who possess potent psychic powers. We're usually the ninjas, the assasins, but we are also the commanders. We consist of 6 generals right now, and about 20 troopers. We are a very small portion of the standing Armed Forces. We're special because we can take down a Fade or an Onos by ourselves, with out psi powers"
"General Freyalise, Will Ferrel from CNN. How are the Psi Corps. selected, and what special training do they receive?"
"Only the children with the most potent psychic powers are even considered for the Psi Corps. We have to train them before age 12, to develop them. The training is done by the six of us, we were the first of the Psi Corps. An apprentice needs to go through nearly 10 years of training before they are to even set foot into combat. At the most, there are 5 Psi Corps agents at every major battle, as that is all that is needed."
"General Balan, Peter Jennings from NBC News. How is the war going. Are we winning? Is there any chance that the Kharaa will get close enough to attack the HomeWorlds?"
"At the moment, we are in a stalemate. Both the Kharaa and us are winning a losing major battles, but rest assured, we are working on a new techonology that will make Onos and Fade obsolete. There is absolutely no chance of the Kharaa attacking our civilian areas and worlds. The outer rim defenses are strong enough to detect and destroy and Kharaa lifeform or projectile that gets within range of our civilian planets"
"General, General! One more question please! General! Just one!'
"I'm sorry folks, but that's all the time we have. The Generals have very important matters to attend to, and i'm sure they want to rest after the battle. That is all, you're all dismissed."
Hah, important matters like PARTYING BABY! said Mikar to the others telepathically
Haha, you know it! It's time to get down and get funky! Oh yea! replied Annalisa
Last one to the ship is a rotten Fade Hunter! Shouted Aurora, as the six comrades dashed to the ship to get away from the war for an evening, and have fun; something they had not done for the last 10 years, ever since they were first inducted into the Psi Corps. It was times like these that they fought to preserve. The whole Kharaa War was just a huge battle to preserve the little things in life. Mikar took a last look at the command ship as the shuttle he and the five others were in took off for the nearest civilian planet.
A glint of happiness was in his eyes, and it started to wet, but he wouldn't let the others see it. He was supposed to be the fearless leader, the one who would never cry or appear anything less than perfect. The one the others looked up to. As he dried his eyes, thankful for such friends as these and for the oppurtunity to have a normal life, even if it was for a little while, he began to get hyper and excited like the others, and all hint of sentimentality was gone, replaced by giddiness and excitement.
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End of chapter 3. I hope you guys are getting all the subtle little jokes and stuff I put in there. More to come later! Hope you all enjoy it!
Your language or English skills is not perfect, but your story structure is good, and you have indeed developed a very interesting concept which many other stories lack.
What's more, your story is more of an "NS-2" base, because from the sound of it, yours is more of a war between hundreds, rather than a quick battle between tens of marines and Kharaa.
Afterall, NS 1 was the first encounter, NS 2 is the war.
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[Edit]
<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:red'>Spoilers below</span></span>
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<span style='color:white'>"[...] We're special because we can take down a Fade or an Onos by ourselves, with out psi powers"</span> - 'with <i>our</i> psi powers' ?
Having read through, there's not really much I can criticise. I like the way the story flows and I like the beginnings of Mikar's character development. I'm also wondering how Mikar and Balan's relationship is going to unfold, as it seems like you're hinting at something there <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
There are only a few things I don't like, such as the 'real life' references you've put in. NBC, CNN and FOX... I don't see them as a part of the NS world and it kinda spoils the fantasy element when we get references to current events because it reminds you that it's only a story after all and takes away from the magic somewhat. You've obviously got a good imagination, and can come up with good character names (apart from Will Ferrel!) so I'm sure you can make up some News Network abbreviations. Think about using media-related abbreviations in the names like -com (communications), -net (network) or existing parts of English words that convey ideas like trans- (across), for example.
I don't think I'm alone in wanting to know more about this Psi blast. How does it work? How does it feel? Of course you don't want to give it all away, some things are best kept an eternal secret, but some more info would be nice. My suggestion would be to slowly build up a description of how it feels for Mikar when he uses his Psi power. 10 years ago he couldn't describe how it felt because he was barely aware of even doing it. I'd expect that 10 years of training is enough for him to have built a picture up of how it feels (physically, mentally) and what he does to initiate it. I'd also like the question: "Can Mikar fully control his powers?" answered at some point (and if the answer is "No", with what consequences?).
Will we ever get to know a little more about Mikar's background? The nature of his mutation (genetic? chemical? accidental?) would be something I'd include somewhere in this fanfic. You could save it for when you have writer's block and put in a flashback sequence or something <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->
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<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:red'>Spoilers above</span></span>
Overall it's a very interesting idea. I need a bit more convincing on the Chemical-X stuff but at three chapters new, this is a very promising fanfic <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->
however, there are things i want to point out. the first part was rather confusing. the kid was just playing and suddenly his family is dead. sounds abit too surreal for me. the second part was done quite well overall. the stealthiness is mikar was done quite well but towards the end, i think it was a bit too rushed. and i think that them being called general is a bit inappropriate.
btu besides that, keep up the gd work.
Because, you know the hives are mental creatures.