<!--QuoteBegin--spinviper+Jun 27 2003, 09:36 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (spinviper @ Jun 27 2003, 09:36 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin--Lumberjack Wannabe+Jun 26 2003, 02:51 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Lumberjack Wannabe @ Jun 26 2003, 02:51 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> like low yield auto nuke cannons. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> They dont have auto nuke cannons!!! are you crazy??? I said WARHEADS 5 of them.... not AUTO NUKE CANNONS!!! <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> I said not to go overboard with things like low yield auto nuke cannons, since you gave a lot of armament to your Marines <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
That_Annoying_KidSire of TitlesJoin Date: 2003-03-01Member: 14175Members, Constellation
dude, this installment is pretty sweet, but you should have described the fight with the mutalisks and the carriers, not just said they wiped them out...
That_Annoying_KidSire of TitlesJoin Date: 2003-03-01Member: 14175Members, Constellation
sounds good
just add more depths, I want to be able to picture the fight in my head not hear "the carries showed up, pwn the aliens, and left"
"suddenly out of the arbirtars field roughly 10 massive carriers could be see, "holy crap were saved" "you boys need some help" hundreds of tiny scouts shot out of the carriers moving to intercept the swarms of mutalisks, plasma shots flared" etc etc etc
"It looks like that butte is the best place for Alpha base sir." The holo projecter powered up showing a thick,pillarlike formation topped by a mesa with some variegrated flat-footed structures located at one end. Anyone who owned it would have a good look at the surroinding countryside, plus the sheer clifs will force the enemy to either come by air or fight their way up narrow paths. As a bounus the structures located on top would provide your marines with defendsible shelter. "Yes corpral but the Kharra own that particular pice or real estate piece of real estate, so we will have to take it!"
"Have the dropships land on top of the mesa. That way we go in for a decisive strike, take out their hives before they know what happened"
Three dropships landed , ramps hitting the ground hard. Out of the dropship's came my squad (BlackStorm), and two squads of Frontiersmen who were armed with jetpacks and heavy machine guns.
My squad went down the ramp leading to the control room, a hive was located there. The other squads went to the Power Generator Hive location. The marks of infestation grew more evident as we neared the hive.......
The it was, Hanging on the ceiling in all its glory. We had met no resistance on the way to the hive so it had no warning. Karma and Leon fired their Plasma Perdition flamethrowers setting fire to the hive. It let out a high pitched cry of pain as it started to burn. We took defensive postions around karma and leon as we heard the wet claw of a skulk againts the metal floor and the sound of fades blinking. The hive emit a death cry as it turned to dust, burned to a crisp. The skulks charged us while the fades attacked us with their acid rockets. Leon and Karma charged the skulks with a battlecry and started burning them to crisps while we covered them. A fade managed to hit Raistlin with an acid rocket, he stumbled back but his shields held. I quickly fired three short bursts in quick succesion as I saw the fade fall. "Raistlin you okay?"I asked "Yeah im fine"he replied
" This is General Zayl here whats your status Bravo leader?" "Mission Acomlipshed sir, disinfecting and repairing the power generator now." "Good Job" Rubbing my hands I said "Now comes the fortification"
<!--QuoteBegin--That Annoying Kid+Jul 2 2003, 01:22 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (That Annoying Kid @ Jul 2 2003, 01:22 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I would make the action more detailed, and I would make sure that marines aren't invincible killing machines <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> I wrote that at 2am wasnt thinking.... sorry
That_Annoying_KidSire of TitlesJoin Date: 2003-03-01Member: 14175Members, Constellation
no worries, just do something like describe how the creatures look, or is grunt #2 screamed in anger as he ignited his flamethrower and sent the burning white hot globs of plasma at the aliens, and then tell us how the creature tensed it's legs and suddenly jumped out of the way in a fluid motion that a veteran could do
etc, etc, etc
just make sure that <i>you</i> are happy with how <b>your</b> story turns out
That_Annoying_KidSire of TitlesJoin Date: 2003-03-01Member: 14175Members, Constellation
eh?
just write what you want, sit down and just ramble, let it flow.
here try this
get ready to write, not typing but actuall pen/pencil on paper, and the write for 10 minutes straight, NEVER EVER STOP, not even to think about what you just wrote, just write, this taps into a deeper portion of thinking and enables you to flow more when writing, then take what you wrote and put it into a story format <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
The techhies were repairing the damages done to the control room and ridding the butte of the remaining infestation. Sparks were flying as the tecchies were welding cut wires up, there was an intense smell of burnt rubber. Then one of them broke the silence. "Sir! All systems are up , removed the old AI and added Zach sir. "Zach my favourtive AI and the best one too! Good job soldier!" I said. With that I turned to the control pannel. "Zach give me a run down on on what this baby has."I told the AI. "Ah General Zayl, always a pleasure to serve you.
"It has a Newly refitted <i><b>Blaion </i>class </b>generator for power, far better then the previous <b><i> Eleon</i> </b>class one. We have totaly reffited the defence systems, it previously had two ten millimeter turrets outside the generator, the rest had not been fitted for some reason.... But now it has mini pulse turrets throught the whole complex, medium pulse turrets and fourty millimeter turrets are enclosed in the outer walls, Anti-Bacterium foam will flood the whole complex if needed, for arial defence we have AA Pulse cannons and Terran missile turrets but much more of the latter. It has a Inter-System communication center, and the best detection system humanity has to offer. Well that about raps it up!"
" Oh yes, before I forget! The entire butte is under survalaince and it can be completely locked down with a touch of a button!" "The doors are corver with acid resistant Titanium N plates, so we can stop the fades form melting them away!." "Useful!" I exclaimed.
A blueprint of the butte appeared on mainscreen, then the western part of the blueprints started to bink. "This is where the Canteen and food storage areas are held" Then the center part of the butte(where the control room was located) started blinking instead.l " The centralised area, where we are now holds the control room, the Med bay, crew quarters and the armoury." Now the eastern part started blinking. "The eastern part holds the vehical bays, where vehicals can be built, reparied and modified."
That_Annoying_KidSire of TitlesJoin Date: 2003-03-01Member: 14175Members, Constellation
<!--QuoteBegin--spinviper+Jul 10 2003, 03:51 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (spinviper @ Jul 10 2003, 03:51 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Eh this is the aliens LAST STAND!!! so they can use their res PLUS they have the outer rim support <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> good point, just make sure that the story is coherent and not "WE HAVE BIG GUNS WE SHOT ALIENS WITH FLAMETHOWARS AND HOVAR AWAY WITH ANTI BACTERIAL FOAM SO ALIENS R SCReWED!
it's a last stand like you said, so that means they should be already beaten up pretty badly...
I would say add detail and make the action not to intense
You are doing a great job with this story. I can't wait to read the rest of it. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
"General! Sensors indicate a Zerg Hive about 10 clicks from our positon, they are massing a large amount of zerglings and hydralisks to assualt our base."reported Zach. "We are gonna try to break them up into small clusters so they will be easier to take out"I said. "Get the Wairths to fire anti-matter missiles at the main concentration of the zerg force, then have dropships land our marines (Both sc and ns) and Goliaths around them. Once they are surrounded send in siege tanks to take out the their buildings!' "NOW MOVE IT! GO GO GO!!"
<b>What is the Hover Bike In starcraft called?</b>
I lost intrest in this story. But i promise you i will write a new one and <span style='color:red'><span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'>ACTUALLY FINISH IT</span></span>
That_Annoying_KidSire of TitlesJoin Date: 2003-03-01Member: 14175Members, Constellation
okay fair enough
this story was leaning towards the side of way to unbelievable, and It was going to be a wierd ending that involved lots of nuking and attacks with goliaths etc
Comments
They dont have auto nuke cannons!!! are you crazy??? I said WARHEADS 5 of them.... not AUTO NUKE CANNONS!!! <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I said not to go overboard with things like low yield auto nuke cannons, since you gave a lot of armament to your Marines <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
Your story, though.
other than that it was sa-weet
just add more depths, I want to be able to picture the fight in my head not hear "the carries showed up, pwn the aliens, and left"
"suddenly out of the arbirtars field roughly 10 massive carriers could be see, "holy crap were saved" "you boys need some help" hundreds of tiny scouts shot out of the carriers moving to intercept the swarms of mutalisks, plasma shots flared" etc etc etc
<!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
now I recall your topic saying "when starcraft and NS combine" so when do we get NS?!?!?
<!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
oh thats right, the planet they were bombing
heh, this looks to be good
"Yes corpral but the Kharra own that particular pice or real estate piece of real estate, so we will have to take it!"
"Have the dropships land on top of the mesa. That way we go in for a decisive strike, take out their hives before they know what happened"
My squad went down the ramp leading to the control room, a hive was located there. The other squads went to the Power Generator Hive location. The marks of infestation grew more evident as we neared the hive.......
The it was, Hanging on the ceiling in all its glory. We had met no resistance on the way to the hive so it had no warning. Karma and Leon fired their Plasma Perdition flamethrowers setting fire to the hive. It let out a high pitched cry of pain as it started to burn. We took defensive postions around karma and leon as we heard the wet claw of a skulk againts the metal floor and the sound of fades blinking. The hive emit a death cry as it turned to dust, burned to a crisp. The skulks charged us while the fades attacked us with their acid rockets. Leon and Karma charged the skulks with a battlecry and started burning them to crisps while we covered them. A fade managed to hit Raistlin with an acid rocket, he stumbled back but his shields held. I quickly fired three short bursts in quick succesion as I saw the fade fall. "Raistlin you okay?"I asked "Yeah im fine"he replied
" This is General Zayl here whats your status Bravo leader?" "Mission Acomlipshed sir, disinfecting and repairing the power generator now." "Good Job" Rubbing my hands I said "Now comes the fortification"
I wrote that at 2am wasnt thinking.... sorry
EDITING NOW!!!
etc, etc, etc
just make sure that <i>you</i> are happy with how <b>your</b> story turns out
contain yourself there!
edits look good and improved, hey wait, thats why there edits! <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
just write what you want, sit down and just ramble, let it flow.
here try this
get ready to write, not typing but actuall pen/pencil on paper, and the write for 10 minutes straight, NEVER EVER STOP, not even to think about what you just wrote, just write, this taps into a deeper portion of thinking and enables you to flow more when writing, then take what you wrote and put it into a story format <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
"It has a Newly refitted <i><b>Blaion </i>class </b>generator for power, far better then the previous <b><i> Eleon</i> </b>class one. We have totaly reffited the defence systems, it previously had two ten millimeter turrets outside the generator, the rest had not been fitted for some reason.... But now it has mini pulse turrets throught the whole complex, medium pulse turrets and fourty millimeter turrets are enclosed in the outer walls, Anti-Bacterium foam will flood the whole complex if needed, for arial defence we have AA Pulse cannons and Terran missile turrets but much more of the latter. It has a Inter-System communication center, and the best detection system humanity has to offer. Well that about raps it up!"
"Bad bad annyoing kid!!"/in baby voice
Eh this is the aliens LAST STAND!!! so they can use their res PLUS they have the outer rim support
A blueprint of the butte appeared on mainscreen, then the western part of the blueprints started to bink.
"This is where the Canteen and food storage areas are held" Then the center part of the butte(where the control room was located) started blinking instead.l " The centralised area, where we are now holds the control room, the Med bay, crew quarters and the armoury." Now the eastern part started blinking. "The eastern part holds the vehical bays, where vehicals can be built, reparied and modified."
good point, just make sure that the story is coherent and not "WE HAVE BIG GUNS WE SHOT ALIENS WITH FLAMETHOWARS AND HOVAR AWAY WITH ANTI BACTERIAL FOAM SO ALIENS R SCReWED!
it's a last stand like you said, so that means they should be already beaten up pretty badly...
I would say add detail and make the action not to intense
You are doing a great job with this story. I can't wait to read the rest of it. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
make it good yo, I have faith in your skizzles!
<b>What is the Hover Bike In starcraft called?</b>
this story was leaning towards the side of way to unbelievable, and It was going to be a wierd ending that involved lots of nuking and attacks with goliaths etc
get working on the next story!