Does anybody homebrew beer? I'm using the coopers homebrew kit at the moment and running into a bit of trouble. If someone experienced could PM me with their contact details [msn etc] so we could have a chat, I'd much appreciate it.
X_StickmanNot good enough for a custom title.Join Date: 2003-04-15Member: 15533Members, Constellation
The first step is to come up with a really cool name for your new beer, and for yourself, the brewer of new beer. Take The Simpsons, for example. Homer is the "Beer Baron" when prohibition is enforced in Springfield. I can only assume that his beer was called "Beer Baron's Bodacious Bounty", or something equally awesome.
"Emperor Awesome" is an ok name, and you could call your beer "Emperor Awesome's Private Stash" or something like that, but using a name you're already connected to isn't cool. You have to come up with a totally new one and only use it for things directly relating to the brewing, or selling, of your beer.
I dunno... "Captain Audacious"? Something like that. It has to be a title, followed by an awesome word of some sort, not just a boring name like Joe Smith.
X_StickmanNot good enough for a custom title.Join Date: 2003-04-15Member: 15533Members, Constellation
You don't really want to give your customers the means to forcibly take more beer from you without payment. And don't give them PSPs, that's just silly.
You could, however, turn this into a marketing scheme. For example, you tape a gun to each bottle, but make them unusuable somehow (I don't know guns, take the firing pin out but I guess that could just be replaced) in a way that isn't visible, then announce "one in every hundred guns is real" and sell the beer for £5 (roughly $8-9) a bottle.
Man I'm a genius.
P.S watch out on the "Awesome Express" title, you could be sued by the creators of Futurama.
If I intended to honour other people's trademarks, why do you think I bothered buying all the guns?
And I don't need to worry about my customers stealing the beer. If they take a gun and point it at me, I'll say "Let me have just one last beer before I die..." and I'd grab an Emperor Awesome's Awesome Express, then take the gun and shoot their gun out of their hand. Then I'd shoot them.
X_StickmanNot good enough for a custom title.Join Date: 2003-04-15Member: 15533Members, Constellation
That does sound very awesome, but they might come back with more people, and more guns. If there's one thing that movies have taught me, it's that being shot is painful, possibly fatal, and very hard to dodge. Even Neo, with his amazingly awesome speed, could not fully dodge multiple bullets in the first Matrix, although as Morpheus said, he didn't *need* to dodge bullets when he was ready.
He didn't need to at all.
You, however, are not Neo. You are not even Trinity. You cannot rely on superior marksmanship when outnumbered at least 10 to 1, which is what you will be eventually. I think that strapping guns onto booze bottles and selling them at the low-low price of $8.99 is a very bad idea indeed, as many studies have shown that alcohol and guns do not mix in any way that is beneficial.
<!--quoteo(post=1607054:date=Feb 16 2007, 06:12 PM:name=X_Stickman)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(X_Stickman @ Feb 16 2007, 06:12 PM) [snapback]1607054[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--> I think that strapping guns onto booze bottles and selling them at the low-low price of $8.99 is a very bad idea indeed, as many studies have shown that alcohol and guns do not mix in any way that is beneficial. <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Be a man and shotgun that damned beer. And then drink what's left.
And for your record, discharging your firearm is only dangerous if it's pointed at you and you haven't been drinking enough to become confident enough with it. I make it a rule to maintain a 20% BAC at all times, so that isn't a problem for me. Those crims have another thing coming. All that's left is to decide in what order to shoot them based upon a seemingly gratuitous analysis of their mannerisms, body language and level of undress.
SloppyKissesomgawd a furreh!VirginiaJoin Date: 2003-07-05Member: 17942Members, Constellation
<!--quoteo(post=1607056:date=Feb 16 2007, 02:20 AM:name=Xyth)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Xyth @ Feb 16 2007, 02:20 AM) [snapback]1607056[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--> Ditch the beer and make some moonshine. <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
qft, only drank it once but omg... /drool.
I stole it from my grandfather who lives up in a small town in PA, he makes it lol.
X_StickmanNot good enough for a custom title.Join Date: 2003-04-15Member: 15533Members, Constellation
I can sort of see where you're coming from here, but still, strapping guns to bottles of booze then selling the bottles at normal price seems a bit odd. You're only going to lose out in the long run, financially that is. Maybe you should buy a particularly awesome gun, like a .50 cal or something, and give it away free to the one millionth customer or something. With handguns strapped to each bottle, you're only going to be making a loss on each sale.
It grows the brand, okay? It might not work in the short term, but providing a handgun with every beer is an economically sound business plan in the long run. I direct your attention to the following quite for a full explanation: "Another such victory over the Romans and we are undone". There. You see? Now go get some masking tape.
X_StickmanNot good enough for a custom title.Join Date: 2003-04-15Member: 15533Members, Constellation
The "brand" will end up being "get drunk and shoot stuff". Hillary Clinton is gonna have a fit over that, and you'll get every single anti-anything demonstrator at your door, calling you a monster. While this will no doubt please everyone else, and probably skyrocket your sales, there is the potential that you'll be arrested and officially shut down.
That aside, masking tape? Jesus. At least come up with an awesome name for it, or make your own stuff. "Emperor Awesome's Astounding Attachment Paper" or something like that.
<!--quoteo(post=1607044:date=Feb 16 2007, 07:33 AM:name=X_Stickman)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(X_Stickman @ Feb 16 2007, 07:33 AM) [snapback]1607044[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--> The first step is to come up with a really cool name for your new beer<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--> I suggest "løl" as the name for a beer - seeing "øl" means beer in Danish. Do I win something?
X_StickmanNot good enough for a custom title.Join Date: 2003-04-15Member: 15533Members, Constellation
<!--quoteo(post=1607067:date=Feb 16 2007, 07:46 AM:name=Dirty_Harry_Potter)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Dirty_Harry_Potter @ Feb 16 2007, 07:46 AM) [snapback]1607067[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--> I suggest "løl" as the name for a beer - seeing "øl" means beer in Danish. Do I win something? <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
You win at being able to speak multiple languages and being able to create interlanguage puns, which is a skill indeed.
Technically all beer is "Get drunk and shoot stuff", the brand name just expired a long time ago so nobody can officially call it that anymore. And Hillary Clinton deserves an oscar, a bullet, and a well -- in that order. Every time somebody knocks on my door I can sell them beer and a handgun, or just the handgun, or even just the bullet part -- personal delivery to their neck.
And "Brown smoothie" isn't a bad idea, I could even add peanuts and call it "Chunky Love".
X_StickmanNot good enough for a custom title.Join Date: 2003-04-15Member: 15533Members, Constellation
I just think it's a dangerous age to be using guns as a selling point. I mean, in a day and age where people can be arrested and charged with inciting panic for using flashing adverts placed in a city, strapping handguns to beer and selling it from your front door is going to cause some concern.
<!--quoteo(post=1607073:date=Feb 16 2007, 06:55 PM:name=Gwahir)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Gwahir @ Feb 16 2007, 06:55 PM) [snapback]1607073[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--> people might call him on any wait period laws, that's for sure. Here's your new beer. Focus on the hops, lots of hops, in fact, continually hop it over 4 hour boil then dry hop it every day for 2 months. (I just want something that's even hoppier than Dog Fish Head 120 IPA) <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I can't do that, but if you want I could sell you some hops in a glass.
And it's always a dangerous age, that's why it's important that you have the very best in self-defence weaponry whenever you intoxicate. It's so very hard to defend yourself when you're stumbling around drunk, thus a complimentary handgun with every beer purchase is crucial to the continued safety and wellbeing of every drunk on this planet. Plus it makes the beer bottle easier to hold if you just leave the gun taped on there -- you can grab the butt with your thumb, wrap your palm around the beer, and nestle your finger on the trigger. No need to worry about the safety, it'll be blocked by the beer bottle anyway so we'll just remove the entire thing.
X_StickmanNot good enough for a custom title.Join Date: 2003-04-15Member: 15533Members, Constellation
With the increase in availibility of Kevlar and other bulletproof materials, if you were really concerned about customer safety, you'd include something significantly heavier than a pistol on the bottle. Of course, I assuming you're talking about a 9mm here. You could be talking about one of those hand canons that can take an elephant down.
You should specify, so I can properly design the marketing campaign.
SloppyKissesomgawd a furreh!VirginiaJoin Date: 2003-07-05Member: 17942Members, Constellation
<!--quoteo(post=1607082:date=Feb 16 2007, 03:19 AM:name=emperor_awesome)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(emperor_awesome @ Feb 16 2007, 03:19 AM) [snapback]1607082[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--> Because then police might mistake it for a real gun and shoot you for attempting to commit the horrible crime of suicide. <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
why would a cop shoot you for trying to commit suicide? lol
Because it's illegal. There is no distinction between laws. Otherwise we'd just be letting pot smokers and underage drinkers off with a slap on the wrist.. and we can't have that, can we? No distinctions!
SloppyKissesomgawd a furreh!VirginiaJoin Date: 2003-07-05Member: 17942Members, Constellation
<!--quoteo(post=1607087:date=Feb 16 2007, 03:29 AM:name=emperor_awesome)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(emperor_awesome @ Feb 16 2007, 03:29 AM) [snapback]1607087[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--> Because it's illegal. There is no distinction between laws. Otherwise we'd just be letting pot smokers and underage drinkers off with a slap on the wrist.. and we can't have that, can we? No distinctions!
Unless you're white and have a good lawyer. <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Uhh... I think you miss the point here. You'd still get shot by the police.
And phur, it depends -- did you get caught with any drugs? If so, you're screwed. If it was just murder or rape or something, you're probably in the clear.
SloppyKissesomgawd a furreh!VirginiaJoin Date: 2003-07-05Member: 17942Members, Constellation
<!--quoteo(post=1607091:date=Feb 16 2007, 03:34 AM:name=emperor_awesome)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(emperor_awesome @ Feb 16 2007, 03:34 AM) [snapback]1607091[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--> Uhh... I think you miss the point here. You'd still get shot by the police.
And phur, it depends -- did you get caught with any drugs? If so, you're screwed. If it was just murder or rape or something, you're probably in the clear. <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Comments
Take The Simpsons, for example. Homer is the "Beer Baron" when prohibition is enforced in Springfield. I can only assume that his beer was called "Beer Baron's Bodacious Bounty", or something equally awesome.
"Emperor Awesome" is an ok name, and you could call your beer "Emperor Awesome's Private Stash" or something like that, but using a name you're already connected to isn't cool. You have to come up with a totally new one and only use it for things directly relating to the brewing, or selling, of your beer.
I dunno... "Captain Audacious"? Something like that. It has to be a title, followed by an awesome word of some sort, not just a boring name like Joe Smith.
And I can tape PSP's and handguns to each bottle
You could, however, turn this into a marketing scheme. For example, you tape a gun to each bottle, but make them unusuable somehow (I don't know guns, take the firing pin out but I guess that could just be replaced) in a way that isn't visible, then announce "one in every hundred guns is real" and sell the beer for £5 (roughly $8-9) a bottle.
Man I'm a genius.
P.S watch out on the "Awesome Express" title, you could be sued by the creators of Futurama.
And I don't need to worry about my customers stealing the beer. If they take a gun and point it at me, I'll say "Let me have just one last beer before I die..." and I'd grab an Emperor Awesome's Awesome Express, then take the gun and shoot their gun out of their hand. Then I'd shoot them.
He didn't need to at all.
You, however, are not Neo. You are not even Trinity. You cannot rely on superior marksmanship when outnumbered at least 10 to 1, which is what you will be eventually. I think that strapping guns onto booze bottles and selling them at the low-low price of $8.99 is a very bad idea indeed, as many studies have shown that alcohol and guns do not mix in any way that is beneficial.
I think that strapping guns onto booze bottles and selling them at the low-low price of $8.99 is a very bad idea indeed, as many studies have shown that alcohol and guns do not mix in any way that is beneficial.
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Be a man and shotgun that damned beer. And then drink what's left.
And for your record, discharging your firearm is only dangerous if it's pointed at you and you haven't been drinking enough to become confident enough with it. I make it a rule to maintain a 20% BAC at all times, so that isn't a problem for me. Those crims have another thing coming. All that's left is to decide in what order to shoot them based upon a seemingly gratuitous analysis of their mannerisms, body language and level of undress.
Ditch the beer and make some moonshine.
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
qft, only drank it once but omg... /drool.
I stole it from my grandfather who lives up in a small town in PA, he makes it lol.
Maybe you should buy a particularly awesome gun, like a .50 cal or something, and give it away free to the one millionth customer or something. With handguns strapped to each bottle, you're only going to be making a loss on each sale.
That aside, masking tape? Jesus. At least come up with an awesome name for it, or make your own stuff. "Emperor Awesome's Astounding Attachment Paper" or something like that.
The first step is to come up with a really cool name for your new beer<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd--> I suggest "løl" as the name for a beer - seeing "øl" means beer in Danish. Do I win something?
I suggest "løl" as the name for a beer - seeing "øl" means beer in Danish. Do I win something?
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
You win at being able to speak multiple languages and being able to create interlanguage puns, which is a skill indeed.
brown smoothie?
... actually...
no.
And "Brown smoothie" isn't a bad idea, I could even add peanuts and call it "Chunky Love".
Here's your new beer. Focus on the hops, lots of hops, in fact, continually hop it over 4 hour boil then dry hop it every day for 2 months.
(I just want something that's even hoppier than Dog Fish Head 120 IPA)
people might call him on any wait period laws, that's for sure.
Here's your new beer. Focus on the hops, lots of hops, in fact, continually hop it over 4 hour boil then dry hop it every day for 2 months.
(I just want something that's even hoppier than Dog Fish Head 120 IPA)
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I can't do that, but if you want I could sell you some hops in a glass.
And it's always a dangerous age, that's why it's important that you have the very best in self-defence weaponry whenever you intoxicate. It's so very hard to defend yourself when you're stumbling around drunk, thus a complimentary handgun with every beer purchase is crucial to the continued safety and wellbeing of every drunk on this planet. Plus it makes the beer bottle easier to hold if you just leave the gun taped on there -- you can grab the butt with your thumb, wrap your palm around the beer, and nestle your finger on the trigger. No need to worry about the safety, it'll be blocked by the beer bottle anyway so we'll just remove the entire thing.
You should specify, so I can properly design the marketing campaign.
Because then police might mistake it for a real gun and shoot you for attempting to commit the horrible crime of suicide.
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
why would a cop shoot you for trying to commit suicide? lol
Unless you're white and have a good lawyer.
Because it's illegal. There is no distinction between laws. Otherwise we'd just be letting pot smokers and underage drinkers off with a slap on the wrist.. and we can't have that, can we? No distinctions!
Unless you're white and have a good lawyer.
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
what if you're white and dont have a good lawyer?
And phur, it depends -- did you get caught with any drugs? If so, you're screwed. If it was just murder or rape or something, you're probably in the clear.
Uhh... I think you miss the point here. You'd still get shot by the police.
And phur, it depends -- did you get caught with any drugs? If so, you're screwed. If it was just murder or rape or something, you're probably in the clear.
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
bwahahah i love this world.
OJ ftw
anyway, I got the point, but you're talking about a person using a gun strapped to a bottle of beer to drink the beer. Looks kinda similar.