<!--QuoteBegin--Moon+Jun 27 2003, 08:38 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Moon @ Jun 27 2003, 08:38 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> A marine finds himself face to face with an egg. He points his pistol *click* - no ammo; feels for his knife ... gone !
Marine : "Hey Comm, I'm in deep **** here... I need ammo..theres an egg about to hatch"
Comm: "Don't panic, I'm on it"
*bzzzt* A box of some unknown substance lands in front of the marine.
Marine "Comm ! what the the hell is this ??"
Comm: "Dump out the box over the egg, you don't have much time. Hurry up !"
The Marine promptly showers the creature with white flakes. It dies almost instantly without a sound.
Marine : "Geez Comm, thanks ! Some kind of poison the bio-guys whipped up ? "
Comm: "No, washing powder !"
Marine " Eh ? Not sure I understand..."
Comm: "Simple... we use a brand that's guaranteed to PREVENT FADING" <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> I dunno whether to completely fall down laughing or to simply shake my head. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->
ollj, you're the most multi-talented guy I've ever seen <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> and moon's OWN <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
here's a really bad one
Your marines are such cowards they goto the Hera readyroom [easter egg] to pray for salvation!!!111one Your team is so stupid you tried to evolve into Adv Evolve! Your comm's aim is so bad he dropped a turret on a jetpacker! You marines are such cowards they tried to +use the infportal to go back to the dropship! Your comm is such a noob he built turrets when the team relocated outside Nancy! Your marines are so green that they throw bilebombs when they see dead bodies! Your jetpackers are so inadequate that they got blown away in the vents! Your comm is such a turncoat he built a phasegate in the enemy hive and told his marines to leave it alone! Your team's welder trains are so long ... [finish this one for me] Your marines are so blind that they needed to use their flashlights to find a phasegate! Your aliens are so retarded, they needed to get Remedial Hivesight! [thats actually decent lol]
Thanks to all those who have given feedback <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> Not sure how many more I have in me... but generally the later it gets the easier it gets <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->
A marine and his buddy have almost finished setting up a small outpost near a res node. Suddenly, a lerk attacks !
The two men fire wildly, not managing to score a hit on the small, evasive foe. Suddenly the lerk swoops down, biting one of the marines' necks - decapitating him. Nearly overcome with anguish and desperation, the surviving man dives to the ground and activates a gun turret.
The turret beeps to life, and begins tracking the evil creature. The lerk cackles and picks up the head of the fallen marine and flys around in circles. This confuses the turret which refuses to fire on what it perceives to be a friendly target. Eventually the Lerk tires of the game and retreats to the safety of a nearby high-up vent.
The lone marine plots his revenge for many sleepless nights. How to kill that **** ? Then... he has it ! He'll get the Comm to build a special android marine with a remote controlled explosive charge crammed into the skull.
The next day he returns to the res node with his android in tow. They begin to repair the outpost when all of a sudden a similar sequence of events takes place. The same lerk dances around the pair and eventually decapitates the android - making off with the head. Squawking in triumph it returns to its out-of-reach perch for some well deserved feeding.
This time the marine whips out his remote-control and detonates the explosive. A satisfying explosion with lerk bits raining down causes him to smile slowly. "Got ya !"
What is the moral of this story ?
While getting some head can be marvelous every now and then, getting too much head will leave you wasted !
(extra moral: Cruising for head in strange places is sure to get you into trouble ! )
Long way to go for that punchline on the last one Moon, but still nice. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> Very funny.
Ok, let me give this a try... Your marines are so blind that they couldn't hit the broadside of an onos. Your fades are so stupid, they keep impaling themselves on their own claws.
<!--QuoteBegin--CaL_FiN+Jun 27 2003, 10:42 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (CaL_FiN @ Jun 27 2003, 10:42 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I liked your last one Moon, 1/20 isn't so bad? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> I'd take 1 over 0 <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
Glad you like one at last. Senses of humour vary significantly from person to person, so I understand you not liking many.
<!--QuoteBegin--Arcadius+Jun 28 2003, 12:53 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Arcadius @ Jun 28 2003, 12:53 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Long way to go for that punchline on the last one Moon, but still nice. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> Very funny.
Ok, let me give this a try... Your marines are so blind that they couldn't hit the broadside of an onos. Your fades are so stupid, they keep impaling themselves on their own claws. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Hehe <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> Thanks
Keep 'em coming guys ! This thread is probably the most fun I've seen the Community have for quite some time. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin--Snidely+Jun 26 2003, 05:05 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Snidely @ Jun 26 2003, 05:05 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Actually, in Kharaa circles, a fat Gorge is a sign of a Gorge who is successful. Becoming ripe and plump in a trade that requires you to spew up over three times your body mass<i> on a regular basis </i>isn't something that's easily accomplished. King Splorge III held the record for being the fattest Gorge, until he sadly sat on a discarded Lerk spike, and went off like a popped balloon. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> hahaha, you rule man <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin--Arcadius+Jun 28 2003, 12:53 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Arcadius @ Jun 28 2003, 12:53 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Your fades are so stupid, they keep impaling themselves on their own claws. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> How the hell does a fade scratch it's nose? Eh, does a fade have a nose?
Even as I write this sentance I have no jokes pre-prepared, i'm just going to see what crap spews out when I begin typing;
Your marines are such n00bs that they tried to phase at the infantry portal (i've seen that happen) Your marines are such n00bs that they wonder why weapons drop out of the sky and pray to the god of medspam Your marines are such n00bs that they think mines cut skulks in half with their laser beams
Your skulks are such n00bs that they tried to eat a mine Your gorge is such a n00b that he thinks healspray is a web Your gorge is such a n00b that he thinks offensive chambers let you buy offensive upgrades
Your comm is such a n00b he tried to upgrade to AWPs Your comm is such a n00b he thinks the comm chair is actually the remote control to a bomber, and he's trying to work out which button drops the bombs Your marines are such n00bs they don't rambo, but stick together and work as a team (OMG, H4X!!!11one) Your marines are such n00bs that they don't wait in base for 10 minutes whining for a hmg, but instead follow orders and secure resnodes and hives. Noobs.
Your comm is such a n00b he built turrets (HAHAHAAHAAHAAHAAA!!!! NOOB!!!!)
Okay, the last few were sarcastic and kind of bitter, but the one decent one which I actually laugthed when I thought of it was:
Your marines are such n00bs that they tried to reload their knives
Your uhh... marine waited for a mine so long that he.. no wait was it an onos? Onos was at a mine and said... wait.. said: is this marine stupid or something liek that and marine was like: so what I have two legs.
<span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Arial'><b>HOVAR WITHOUT FLAPPING!</b></span></span>
<!--QuoteBegin--wendigo+Jun 27 2003, 08:35 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (wendigo @ Jun 27 2003, 08:35 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--><!--QuoteBegin--kingmob+Jun 27 2003, 07:37 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (kingmob @ Jun 27 2003, 07:37 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> this is my favorite....
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->"Your gorg is so fat he just backs up and traps marines in his @ss cheeks."<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
great mental image ...plus what a cool weapon it would be no longer would gorges runaway heal spraying they would back into marines <!--emo&::gorge::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> So can we add a beeper to them to warn marines?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> hehe and they'd run away too ? <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> haha come here marine <!--emo&::gorge::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif'><!--endemo--> ...........<!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo-->
your gorge is soo fat and ugly, skulks yell at his a$$ for healing <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo-->
Comments
Marine : "Hey Comm, I'm in deep **** here... I need ammo..theres an egg about to hatch"
Comm: "Don't panic, I'm on it"
*bzzzt* A box of some unknown substance lands in front of the marine.
Marine "Comm ! what the the hell is this ??"
Comm: "Dump out the box over the egg, you don't have much time. Hurry up !"
The Marine promptly showers the creature with white flakes. It dies almost instantly without a sound.
Marine : "Geez Comm, thanks ! Some kind of poison the bio-guys whipped up ? "
Comm: "No, washing powder !"
Marine " Eh ? Not sure I understand..."
Comm: "Simple... we use a brand that's guaranteed to PREVENT FADING" <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I dunno whether to completely fall down laughing or to simply shake my head. <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->
and moon's OWN <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
here's a really bad one
Your marines are such cowards they goto the Hera readyroom [easter egg] to pray for salvation!!!111one
Your team is so stupid you tried to evolve into Adv Evolve!
Your comm's aim is so bad he dropped a turret on a jetpacker!
You marines are such cowards they tried to +use the infportal to go back to the dropship!
Your comm is such a noob he built turrets when the team relocated outside Nancy!
Your marines are so green that they throw bilebombs when they see dead bodies!
Your jetpackers are so inadequate that they got blown away in the vents!
Your comm is such a turncoat he built a phasegate in the enemy hive and told his marines to leave it alone!
Your team's welder trains are so long ... [finish this one for me]
Your marines are so blind that they needed to use their flashlights to find a phasegate!
Your aliens are so retarded, they needed to get Remedial Hivesight! [thats actually decent lol]
Hehe, Nice one <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->
Thanks to all those who have given feedback <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo--> Not sure how many more I have in me... but generally the later it gets the easier it gets <!--emo&;)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif'><!--endemo-->
Your Gorge is so dumb when the round started he said
"Ok lets relocate the hive!"
The two men fire wildly, not managing to score a hit on the small, evasive foe. Suddenly the lerk swoops down, biting one of the marines' necks - decapitating him. Nearly overcome with anguish and desperation, the surviving man dives to the ground and activates a gun turret.
The turret beeps to life, and begins tracking the evil creature. The lerk cackles and picks up the head of the fallen marine and flys around in circles. This confuses the turret which refuses to fire on what it perceives to be a friendly target. Eventually the Lerk tires of the game and retreats to the safety of a nearby high-up vent.
The lone marine plots his revenge for many sleepless nights. How to kill that **** ? Then... he has it ! He'll get the Comm to build a special android marine with a remote controlled explosive charge crammed into the skull.
The next day he returns to the res node with his android in tow. They begin to repair the outpost when all of a sudden a similar sequence of events takes place. The same lerk dances around the pair and eventually decapitates the android - making off with the head. Squawking in triumph it returns to its out-of-reach perch for some well deserved feeding.
This time the marine whips out his remote-control and detonates the explosive. A satisfying explosion with lerk bits raining down causes him to smile slowly. "Got ya !"
What is the moral of this story ?
While getting some head can be marvelous every now and then, getting too much head will leave you wasted !
(extra moral: Cruising for head in strange places is sure to get you into trouble ! )
Ok, let me give this a try...
Your marines are so blind that they couldn't hit the broadside of an onos.
Your fades are so stupid, they keep impaling themselves on their own claws.
I'd take 1 over 0 <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
Glad you like one at last. Senses of humour vary significantly from person to person, so I understand you not liking many.
<!--emo&::nerdy::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/nerd.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='nerd.gif'><!--endemo-->
Ok, let me give this a try...
Your marines are so blind that they couldn't hit the broadside of an onos.
Your fades are so stupid, they keep impaling themselves on their own claws. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Hehe <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> Thanks
Keep 'em coming guys ! This thread is probably the most fun I've seen the Community have for quite some time. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
hahaha, you rule man <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->
Oh pwned!
How the hell does a fade scratch it's nose?
Eh, does a fade have a nose?
Your marines are such n00bs that they tried to phase at the infantry portal (i've seen that happen)
Your marines are such n00bs that they wonder why weapons drop out of the sky and pray to the god of medspam
Your marines are such n00bs that they think mines cut skulks in half with their laser beams
Your skulks are such n00bs that they tried to eat a mine
Your gorge is such a n00b that he thinks healspray is a web
Your gorge is such a n00b that he thinks offensive chambers let you buy offensive upgrades
Your comm is such a n00b he tried to upgrade to AWPs
Your comm is such a n00b he thinks the comm chair is actually the remote control to a bomber, and he's trying to work out which button drops the bombs
Your marines are such n00bs they don't rambo, but stick together and work as a team (OMG, H4X!!!11one)
Your marines are such n00bs that they don't wait in base for 10 minutes whining for a hmg, but instead follow orders and secure resnodes and hives. Noobs.
Your comm is such a n00b he built turrets (HAHAHAAHAAHAAHAAA!!!! NOOB!!!!)
Okay, the last few were sarcastic and kind of bitter, but the one decent one which I actually laugthed when I thought of it was:
Your marines are such n00bs that they tried to reload their knives
<span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'><span style='font-family:Arial'><b>HOVAR WITHOUT FLAPPING!</b></span></span>
/me runs...
<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->"Your gorg is so fat he just backs up and traps marines in his @ss cheeks."<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
great mental image
...plus what a cool weapon it would be
no longer would gorges runaway heal spraying they would back into marines
<!--emo&::gorge::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
So can we add a beeper to them to warn marines?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
hehe and they'd run away too ? <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo--> haha come here marine <!--emo&::gorge::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif'><!--endemo--> ...........<!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif'><!--endemo-->