Nerd Jokes

Mantrid

Does anyone have any good nerd jokes? I.e., jokes about gaming, math jokes, chemistry jokes, et cetera?

The nerdier the better.

Caboose

Little Mary took a drink,
But she shall drink no more.
For what she thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.

Liku

www.bash.org

I mean, what more do you want?

I don't know if this is correct... so pardon me:

C:
C:/dos
C:/dos/run

Transmission

Unoriginal:

An ion walks into a bar and says, "I think I left an electron here last night."
The bartender says, "Are you positive?"

Collected from bash.org:

<grl_05>hi guys
<integrating> hey baby, i wish i were your derivative because then i'd be tangent to all your curves
<FifthElement> i wish i were your integral because then i'd be the area under all your curves

---

<playamj> I need some creative ways of asking this girl I like to the prom...please post some ideas thanks!
<secks> You can try walking up to her and pushing the use key

---

<Yonjuuni> Goddamn charity telemarketers.
<Yonjuuni> Bad enough that they're telemarketing in the first place, but when they have the nerve to try to flipping lay a guilt trip on you...
<Gally> what was it for?
<Yonjuuni> Sponsoring poor kids to go to a hockey game.
<Gally> i'd rather give poor kids food.
<BrianS> I'd rather turn poor kids into food.
<Gally> A modest proposal.

theclam

It took me a while, but I finally found all the nerd jokes that I've saved up over the years:

<a href='http://www.google.com/search?&q=nerd%20jokes' target='_blank'>Click Here!</a>

Liku

<!--QuoteBegin-theclam+Apr 19 2005, 09:46 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (theclam @ Apr 19 2005, 09:46 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> It took me a while, but I finally found all the nerd jokes that I've saved up over the years:

<a href='http://www.google.com/search?&q=nerd%20jokes' target='_blank'>Click Here!</a> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
That was actually pretty good.

douchebagatron

if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate.

F squared equals your momma

ZeroByte

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who have friends.

Zaggy

From bash.org:

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
Roses are red
Violets are blue
All my base are belong to you
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

Tyrain

<!--QuoteBegin-Zaggy+Apr 20 2005, 08:05 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Zaggy @ Apr 20 2005, 08:05 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> From bash.org:

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
Roses are red
Violets are blue
All my base are belong to you
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
You mean..

roses are grey
violets are grey
I'm death and colorblind

SoulSkorpion

Maths humour (written by me):
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Neo opens his eyes.
Neo: I can differentiate implicitly!
Morpheus leans in closer.
Morpheus: Show me.

There is a flash of white light, and the scene changes to a Japanese dojo. Morpheus and Neo are dressed in martial arts gear.

Morpheus: This is the maths program. It is similar to the paper-based reality of the textbook. It has the same basic rules - rules like limits. What you must learn is that these rules are no different to the rules of differentiation with respect to x. Sometimes you need the chain rule, sometimes the product rule. Do you understand?
Neo: Yes.
Morpheus: Then solve me, if you can.

Morpheus and Neo assume various impressive stances, then pause.

Morpheus: Y squared equals X!
Neo: X over two Y!
Morpheus: Five X squared plus two Y cubed equals three!
Neo: Negative ten X over six Y squared!
Morpheus: Two X plus X squared Y cubed equals zero!

Neo hesitates for a moment. A moment too long.

Neo: Negative two on three Y squared X squared?
Morpheus: WRONG!

Neo is blasted backwards across the room and smashes into a wooden pillar, snapping it.

Morpheus: How did I beat you?
Neo (panting): The Y and the X in the same term.
Morpheus: Do you believe that the equations being longer, or more complex, has anything to do with their difficulty, in this place?

Neo shakes his head. Morpheus leans in.

Morpheus: You think these are functions you're differentiating now?

Neo stops panting, and looks confused.

Morpheus: Again!<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

Programming humour (written by me):
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->English:
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
If you're happy and you know it,
And you really want to show it,
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

Discrete mathematics:
for all x, Happy(x) ^ Knows(it, x) -> ClapHands(x)
for all x, Happy(x) ^ Knows(it, x) -> ClapHands(x)
for all x, Happy(x) ^ Knows(it, x) ^ ReallyWantsToShow(it, x) -> Happy(x) ^ Knows(it, x) -> ClapHands(x)

Pseudocode:
LOOP twice
  IF happy AND know it
    clap hands
  END IF
END LOOP
IF happy AND know it AND really want to show it
  IF happy AND know it
    clap hands
  END IF
END IF

C++:
//ClapHands.cpp
#include <world>

namespace globals
{
  extern std::person *you
}

int main()
{
  for(int c = 0; c < 2; c++)
  {
    if( globals::you == HAPPY && globals::you->Know(IT))
    {
      globals::you->ClapHands();
    }
  }
  if( globals::you == HAPPY && globals::you->Know(IT) && globals::you->WantToShow(IT|REALLY) )
  {
    globals::you->ClapHands();
  }

  return 0;
}


Java:
//ClapHandsClass.java
public class ClapHandsClass
{

public static void main(String [] args)
{
  for(int counter = 0; counter < 2; counter++)
  {
    if( Java.Lang.Object.World.People[YOU].getIsHappy() && Java.Lang.Object.World.People[YOU].know(IT) )
    {
      Java.Lang.Object.World.People[YOU].clap( Java.Lang.Object.World.People[YOU].bodyParts[HANDS] );
    }
  }
  if( Java.Lang.Object.World.People[YOU].getIsHappy() && Java.Lang.Object.World.People[YOU].know(IT) &&
      Java.Lang.Object.World.People[YOU].reallyWantToShow(IT) )
  {
    if( Java.Lang.Object.World.People[YOU].getIsHappy() && Java.Lang.Object.World.People[YOU].know(IT) )
    {
      Java.Lang.Object.World.People[YOU].clap( Java.Lang.Object.World.People[YOU].bodyParts[HANDS] );
    }
  }
}

}

C:
//ClapHands.c
#include <world.h>
extern PERSON you;

int main(){
  int c;
  for(c=0;c<2;c++){
    are(&you,HAPPY|KNOW_IT)?Clap(&you,HANDS):;
  }
  are(&you,HAPPY|KNOW_IT|REALLY_WANT_TO_SHOW_IT)?Clap(&you,HANDS):;
  return 0;
}<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

More programming humour <a href='http://www.gamedev.net/reference/list.asp?categoryid=27' target='_blank'>here</a>.

Cold_NiTe

That sort of knowledge leaves the zone of humour and approaches the zone of "scary". <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->

kida

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->From bash.org:


QUOTE 

Roses are red
Violets are blue
All my base are belong to you <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->

lol

Moquiao

<!--QuoteBegin-Tyrain+Apr 20 2005, 08:14 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Tyrain @ Apr 20 2005, 08:14 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin-Zaggy+Apr 20 2005, 08:05 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Zaggy @ Apr 20 2005, 08:05 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> From bash.org:

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
Roses are red
Violets are blue
All my base are belong to you
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
You mean..

roses are grey
violets are grey
I'm death and colorblind <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
DEAD* and coloUrblind <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->

RaVe

<!--QuoteBegin-Zaggy+Apr 20 2005, 02:05 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Zaggy @ Apr 20 2005, 02:05 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Roses are red
Violets are blue
All my base are belong to you <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I wonder if it's possible to use that as a pickup line...<!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->

Keep them rolling! I'm lacking teh funnay!

Thansal

<!--QuoteBegin-Moquiao+Apr 20 2005, 04:28 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Moquiao @ Apr 20 2005, 04:28 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin-Tyrain+Apr 20 2005, 08:14 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Tyrain @ Apr 20 2005, 08:14 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin-Zaggy+Apr 20 2005, 08:05 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Zaggy @ Apr 20 2005, 08:05 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> From bash.org:

<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
Roses are red
Violets are blue
All my base are belong to you
<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
You mean..

roses are grey
violets are grey
I'm death and colorblind <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
DEAD* and coloUrblind <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
only to you brits (and those of us who read to much fantasy written by you brits).


Bah, the amount of problems I had in school b/c I spelled colour and armour like that... (and a few others).

hmmm, I need to pull out the proof that women are the root of all evil...

Women = Time * Money
Time = Money
Money = evil
Women = Evil^2

blast, there was a wrong step in there somewhere... (my friend came up with this one, and I don't remember it correctly <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->)

ZeroByte

That's an old joke Thansal. Almost got it right though.

Women = Time*Money
Time = Money
Therefore, Women = Money*Money

Money = root of evil
Therefore, Money*Money = Evil

Therefore, Women = Evil

Thansal

<!--QuoteBegin-ZeroByte+Apr 20 2005, 06:55 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (ZeroByte @ Apr 20 2005, 06:55 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> That's an old joke Thansal. Almost got it right though.

Women = Time*Money
Time = Money
Therefore, Women = Money*Money

Money = root of evil
Therefore, Money*Money = Evil

Therefore, Women = Evil <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
there we go.

I coulda sworn that it worked out to having women be the root of all evil... (though I couldn't figgure out how the heck to get a sq root in there <!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->)

thanks <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->

Geminosity

bleh... it does. the equation of evil * evil = evil^2. Therefore whatever's on the other side of the = has to be square-rooted to make it equal to evil.

Example?

2 * 2 = 2^2 = 4
square-root of 4 = 2

<!--emo&:p--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/tounge.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tounge.gif' /><!--endemo-->

SoulSkorpion

Looks more elegant if you express it as "girls = all evil", imho.

Also:
money makes the world go 'round
money = the root of all evil
therefore, the root of all evil makes the world go 'round
as already established, girls = all evil
Therefore, rooting girls makes the world go 'round. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo-->

brute_force

<!--QuoteBegin-Liku+Apr 20 2005, 06:29 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Liku @ Apr 20 2005, 06:29 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I don't know if this is correct... so pardon me:

C:
C:/dos
C:/dos/run <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
I think it's

C:/dos
C:/dos/run
run/dos/run

TychoCelchuuu

<a href='http://rinkworks.com/stupid/' target='_blank'>Ahem.</a> This and Bash combine to form the holy duality of nerd humor that elevates itself to a pinnacle of such height as to be above the petty jokes of yesteryear.

Cold_NiTe

It's scary having seen all these before.

DOOManiac

What does a pirate call his command line parameter array?

Arrrrrrrrrrrrg.

antifreeze

<!--QuoteBegin-DOOManiac+Apr 20 2005, 11:38 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (DOOManiac @ Apr 20 2005, 11:38 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> What does a pirate call his command line parameter array?

Arrrrrrrrrrrrg. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Why did that make me laugh...

/me ponders

Condizzle

<!--QuoteBegin-TychoCelchuuu+Apr 20 2005, 03:55 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (TychoCelchuuu @ Apr 20 2005, 03:55 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <a href='http://rinkworks.com/stupid/' target='_blank'>Ahem.</a> This and Bash combine to form the holy duality of nerd humor that elevates itself to a pinnacle of such height as to be above the petty jokes of yesteryear. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
That kept me busy for an hour. I love laughing at other's stupidity.

NeonSpyder

Funny geek related t-shirt i simply <i>must</i> post <a href='http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/ladies/724f/' target='_blank'>Here</a>

Private_Coleman

<!--QuoteBegin-Thansal+Apr 20 2005, 06:39 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Thansal @ Apr 20 2005, 06:39 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> only to you brits (and those of us who read to much fantasy written by you brits).
<!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Australia ...

Testament

Canada...

Condizzle

<!--QuoteBegin-NeonSpyder+Apr 20 2005, 06:27 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (NeonSpyder @ Apr 20 2005, 06:27 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Funny geek related t-shirt i simply <i>must</i> post <a href='http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/ladies/724f/' target='_blank'>Here</a> <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
/me wants.

Caboose

<img src='http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/action/large/210e925.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />

Such a bad **** picture.