perhaps you consider it neutral territory that divides promiscuity and the desire for a meaningful relationship... most of us don't and consider your view extremist.
Perhaps you have never come into contact with "Brave New World" Check it out sometime, it's about a world filled primarily with people who share your view. That is, promiscuity should be encouraged, but also that people are encouraged to use drugs and no one is permitted to father or mother children since they're grown in vats artificially. The result was a load of amazingly superficial people who have no concept of the deep desires of the heart. They consider being denied material goods even for a short time to be unbearable.
SloppyKissesomgawd a furreh!VirginiaJoin Date: 2003-07-05Member: 17942Members, Constellation
edited June 2005
<!--QuoteBegin-Gwahir+Jun 8 2005, 02:55 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Gwahir @ Jun 8 2005, 02:55 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> perhaps you consider it neutral territory that divides promiscuity and the desire for a meaningful relationship... most of us don't and consider your view extremist.
Perhaps you have never come into contact with "Brave New World" Check it out sometime, it's about a world filled primarily with people who share your view. That is, promiscuity should be encouraged, but also that people are encouraged to use drugs and no one is permitted to father or mother children since they're grown in vats artificially. The result was a load of amazingly superficial people who have no concept of the deep desires of the heart. They consider being denied material goods even for a short time to be unbearable.
If that's the kind of world you want, I pity you. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
NeonSpyder"Das est NTLDR?"Join Date: 2003-07-03Member: 17913Members
to Gwahir: i also consider sex to be a beautiful bonding between two people who share a deep and profound affection for one another, sex is both meaningless pleasure and also a wholly meaningful expression of love between two people, in the case of love between two people, myself and my lover for example, i would encourage continuing a search for meaningful partners and i would consider the same.
sex, in the first example i used should not in any circumstances be related to bearing and subsequently raising, a child, only when two people desire to have a child together should that happen, in other cases contreceptive or other preventative methods should be employed.
i shall not dirty this thread with my views on drug use, so i politely side-step that part of your post Gwahir.
i consider myself, very un-materialistic, i value no object over an emotion or feeling or thought, and only consider objects to be a means to an end, never the end itself.
<!--QuoteBegin-Gwahir+Jun 8 2005, 02:55 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Gwahir @ Jun 8 2005, 02:55 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> to neon and obst:
perhaps you consider it neutral territory that divides promiscuity and the desire for a meaningful relationship... most of us don't and consider your view extremist.
Perhaps you have never come into contact with "Brave New World" Check it out sometime, it's about a world filled primarily with people who share your view. That is, promiscuity should be encouraged, but also that people are encouraged to use drugs and no one is permitted to father or mother children since they're grown in vats artificially. The result was a load of amazingly superficial people who have no concept of the deep desires of the heart. They consider being denied material goods even for a short time to be unbearable.
If that's the kind of world you want, I pity you. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Wow, now that's a cool comparison. I didn't even think of that book, but I see where you are getting that. Sorta.
BadKarmaThe Advanced Literature monsters burned my house and gave me a 7Join Date: 2002-11-12Member: 8260Members
edited June 2005
I got back from his house last night. He's lost it. Completely flown off the handle. He was ready to kill her when I got there and when I told him, his response was "**** her and **** you". He's not returning calls. She's got keys but I told her it'd be a poor idea. Im at her place right now, she's having a really bad time of it.
P.S. Obst, good for you, but your views on sex and etc. are totally non-applicable here.
<!--QuoteBegin-BadKarma+Jun 8 2005, 05:53 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (BadKarma @ Jun 8 2005, 05:53 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I got back from his house last night. He's lost it. Completely flown off the handle. He was ready to kill her when I got there and when I told him, his response was "**** her and **** you". He's not returning calls. She's got keys but I told her it'd be a poor idea. Im at her place right now, she's having a really bad time of it.
P.S. Obst, good for you, but your views on sex and etc. are totally non-applicable here. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Good for you man. At least you got that off your chest. Hope it work out for the best.
Guys, shall we keep the off topic to another topic in the forum hmm?
[Ontopic] Well, now he knows. What you need to do is tell him, flat out, that you f***ed up and are sorry. You need to also let him know this is HIS child and nots yours, and that you are certain of it. That she will need HIS love and HIS compassion to get thru this. You can't raise THEIR child... not legally anyway...
And give him some time to air out, yes, but also note airing out could actually just make him more **** if he gets sorta kooky and draws obscure, paranoid connections between this and any random previous coincidence.
In any case, if it were me, I'd try to argue with him as very little as possible, and only when he's got something completely wrong. Otherwise I'd take his **** straight on and apologize a lot, because if you do start making any sort of argument it'd probably drive him crazy (Of course, if he starts trying to punch you then flee!). This is assuming he talks to you again at all.
<!--QuoteBegin-Epidemic+Jun 8 2005, 03:19 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Epidemic @ Jun 8 2005, 03:19 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Uhm, I'm curious, did you really have to tell? <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Some people enjoy using a forum, such as this, as a place to just anonymously describe their **** up life to people like us who...at the end of the day, don't give a damn.
EpidemicDark Force GorgeJoin Date: 2003-06-29Member: 17781Members
<!--QuoteBegin-TheSavior+Jun 8 2005, 09:32 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (TheSavior @ Jun 8 2005, 09:32 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin-Epidemic+Jun 8 2005, 03:19 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Epidemic @ Jun 8 2005, 03:19 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Uhm, I'm curious, did you really have to tell? <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> Some people enjoy using a forum, such as this, as a place to just anonymously describe their **** up life to people like us who...at the end of the day, don't give a damn. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Oh, I didnt mean it that way, I meant telling the friend etc..
BadKarmaThe Advanced Literature monsters burned my house and gave me a 7Join Date: 2002-11-12Member: 8260Members
Tell y'all or tell him?
If it's the former, no I didn't. If it's the latter, yea I did. I owe the guy that much.
I don't know her posistion on the kid. They're talking now, which is good. I'm a write off as far as he is concerned, surprise. She for some reason has decided (personally, I think she's been talking to her mother) this is my fault and also refuses to talk to me. Fun ****.
As cruel as this might sound, it might serve you well to take that situation as given. Look at it from this perspective: If a child gets two caring and loving parents, isn't the fact that they got together again over a shared animosity towards you a small price to pay?
<!--QuoteBegin-Align+Jun 8 2005, 11:39 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> (Align @ Jun 8 2005, 11:39 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I hope his anger fades out quickly. It's his child, after all. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd--> Let me be the first to say that doesn't mean nearly as much as you might think.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Anyway, give it a week or two, and then try to HUMBLY start a conversation. Let them BOTH know you know YOU were wrong.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> Humbly my ****, I'm still of the opinion this isn't even mostly his fault, let alone entirely. You've got an asshat of a boyfriend and a girl who, beyond letting emotions get in the way of rational thinking, ALSO now thinks BadKarma is the one responsible for this mess....my thought: f*** it. Your relationships with these people are tarnished forever, imo, and even if you manage to get them to "forgive" you, they'll still always think of themselves as better than you. YOU will be responsible for every relationship problem that ever crops up between them as long as they know you, and for a good long time afterwards. God forbid they get married, because you'll prolly be listed in the reasons for the divorce. Do you really need friends like that?
Heck, just looking at it objectively, would you want to be friends with someone who would run out on his pregnant girlfriend, or a girl who blames her problems on everyone else? No point in asking for their forgiveness if that would only bring you up from the status of "hated scapegoat" to "inwardly-hated scapegoat".
Dang I thought this topic was about wells. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/biggrin-fix.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin-fix.gif' /><!--endemo--> (from the forum screen) As long as he believes you were f**ked up,rest don't matter. If he can't trust you that much to believe otherwise,then why should you expect to trust him in any future situation? (he'll be angry initially,but this will pass)
(if that's been said before,plan B involves taking our your frustration on me as a poor old gorgey. Find me on Wireplay UK servers or general UK-based/low-ping servers. <!--emo&::gorge::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif' /><!--endemo--> ) GORGE BEATING POWER!!! <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif' /><!--endemo-->
If it's the former, no I didn't. If it's the latter, yea I did. I owe the guy that much.[...]<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> I understand where you're coming from, so for the sake of those who don't understand why BK couldn't just keep his mouth shut about the whole episode, let me elaborate a little, because I would feel the same. If I make any wrong assumptions on your behalf, BK, I apologize.
See, surely he could just have kept quiet about the whole thing. Of course, his friend might have found out, making it all worse. Or he might not - but that wouldn't have meant that everything was okay. If I were in that situation, I would feel guilt, combined with an urge to tell my friend the truth. I wouldn't feel well about myself if I never told him. He would deserve to know the truth.
This is harsh. Sorry if I offend anyone, but I'm not about to take this back.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->...I'm still of the opinion this isn't even mostly his fault...<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
So let's see here. We have one boyfriend who reacts badly to an unplanned, unexpected and, not completely unlikely, unwanted pregnancy. Then we have a pregnant girl, under a lot of emotional distress, in no small part due to the aforementioned pregnancy. Then we have this third guy whos idea of comforting his best friend's pregnant girlfriend is to have sex with her. Who did you think should get the bigger share of the blame again?
Reacting badly to an unplanned pregnancy shouldn't entail running off on the girl.
Getting emotional about your boyfriend (potentially) leaving you over a pregnancy doesn't exclude you from blame if you sleep with someone.
At the very least, there are 3 people here, so 1/3 of the blame falls on BadKarma. However, I'd even say he is even LESS responsible than that, because he neither started this, nor was he the only one who could have stopped it.
[edit] <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Who did you think should get the bigger share of the blame again?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> If the girl took her pill regularly, it's the guy's fault, because he should have known that, birth control or not, **** happens. Screaming his head off at her and leaving was the WORST thing he could have done in that situation. If she slipped up on that...I'd say they share it fifty-fifty, because she's really at fault, but the girl became distraught because the guy blew up on her for something that, again, he really should have prepared for (getting her pregnant even with birth control).
Comments
perhaps you consider it neutral territory that divides promiscuity and the desire for a meaningful relationship... most of us don't and consider your view extremist.
Perhaps you have never come into contact with "Brave New World" Check it out sometime, it's about a world filled primarily with people who share your view. That is, promiscuity should be encouraged, but also that people are encouraged to use drugs and no one is permitted to father or mother children since they're grown in vats artificially. The result was a load of amazingly superficial people who have no concept of the deep desires of the heart. They consider being denied material goods even for a short time to be unbearable.
If that's the kind of world you want, I pity you.
Perhaps you have never come into contact with "Brave New World" Check it out sometime, it's about a world filled primarily with people who share your view. That is, promiscuity should be encouraged, but also that people are encouraged to use drugs and no one is permitted to father or mother children since they're grown in vats artificially. The result was a load of amazingly superficial people who have no concept of the deep desires of the heart. They consider being denied material goods even for a short time to be unbearable.
If that's the kind of world you want, I pity you. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
edit: nvm lol
sex, in the first example i used should not in any circumstances be related to bearing and subsequently raising, a child, only when two people desire to have a child together should that happen, in other cases contreceptive or other preventative methods should be employed.
i shall not dirty this thread with my views on drug use, so i politely side-step that part of your post Gwahir.
i consider myself, very un-materialistic, i value no object over an emotion or feeling or thought, and only consider objects to be a means to an end, never the end itself.
perhaps you consider it neutral territory that divides promiscuity and the desire for a meaningful relationship... most of us don't and consider your view extremist.
Perhaps you have never come into contact with "Brave New World" Check it out sometime, it's about a world filled primarily with people who share your view. That is, promiscuity should be encouraged, but also that people are encouraged to use drugs and no one is permitted to father or mother children since they're grown in vats artificially. The result was a load of amazingly superficial people who have no concept of the deep desires of the heart. They consider being denied material goods even for a short time to be unbearable.
If that's the kind of world you want, I pity you. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Wow, now that's a cool comparison. I didn't even think of that book, but I see where you are getting that. Sorta.
P.S. Obst, good for you, but your views on sex and etc. are totally non-applicable here.
BTW, Obst & co., please take the '68 discussion somewhere else.
Trevelyan - My post is edited yet Gwahir's is untouched. Whats happening nemie?
I'm pretty sure the rapture hasn't occurred and 3rd degree burns on the soft, vulnerable tissue of the ocular cavities are pretty serious wounds.
P.S. Obst, good for you, but your views on sex and etc. are totally non-applicable here. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Good for you man. At least you got that off your chest. Hope it work out for the best.
I hope your friend dosen't hold grudges.
[Ontopic]
Well, now he knows. What you need to do is tell him, flat out, that you f***ed up and are sorry. You need to also let him know this is HIS child and nots yours, and that you are certain of it. That she will need HIS love and HIS compassion to get thru this. You can't raise THEIR child... not legally anyway...
*sighs*
Good luck man
In any case, if it were me, I'd try to argue with him as very little as possible, and only when he's got something completely wrong. Otherwise I'd take his **** straight on and apologize a lot, because if you do start making any sort of argument it'd probably drive him crazy (Of course, if he starts trying to punch you then flee!). This is assuming he talks to you again at all.
And that's just me.
Some people enjoy using a forum, such as this, as a place to just anonymously describe their **** up life to people like us who...at the end of the day, don't give a damn.
Some people enjoy using a forum, such as this, as a place to just anonymously describe their **** up life to people like us who...at the end of the day, don't give a damn. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'> <!--QuoteEEnd-->
Oh, I didnt mean it that way, I meant telling the friend etc..
If it's the former, no I didn't. If it's the latter, yea I did. I owe the guy that much.
I don't know her posistion on the kid. They're talking now, which is good. I'm a write off as far as he is concerned, surprise. She for some reason has decided (personally, I think she's been talking to her mother) this is my fault and also refuses to talk to me. Fun ****.
I've seen this happen, and even helped solve this with two good friends of mine...
and something similar happened with my g/f... but then again her mom's a twit and her step-dad's farking psycho, so lets' not go there... shall we?
Anyway, give it a week or two, and then try to HUMBLY start a conversation. Let them BOTH know you know YOU were wrong.
That'll make them feel a bit better off.
Let me be the first to say that doesn't mean nearly as much as you might think.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Anyway, give it a week or two, and then try to HUMBLY start a conversation. Let them BOTH know you know YOU were wrong.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Humbly my ****, I'm still of the opinion this isn't even mostly his fault, let alone entirely. You've got an asshat of a boyfriend and a girl who, beyond letting emotions get in the way of rational thinking, ALSO now thinks BadKarma is the one responsible for this mess....my thought: f*** it. Your relationships with these people are tarnished forever, imo, and even if you manage to get them to "forgive" you, they'll still always think of themselves as better than you. YOU will be responsible for every relationship problem that ever crops up between them as long as they know you, and for a good long time afterwards. God forbid they get married, because you'll prolly be listed in the reasons for the divorce. Do you really need friends like that?
Heck, just looking at it objectively, would you want to be friends with someone who would run out on his pregnant girlfriend, or a girl who blames her problems on everyone else? No point in asking for their forgiveness if that would only bring you up from the status of "hated scapegoat" to "inwardly-hated scapegoat".
As long as he believes you were f**ked up,rest don't matter. If he can't trust you that much to believe otherwise,then why should you expect to trust him in any future situation? (he'll be angry initially,but this will pass)
(if that's been said before,plan B involves taking our your frustration on me as a poor old gorgey. Find me on Wireplay UK servers or general UK-based/low-ping servers. <!--emo&::gorge::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/pudgy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='pudgy.gif' /><!--endemo--> )
GORGE BEATING POWER!!! <!--emo&::asrifle::--><img src='http://www.unknownworlds.com/forums/html/emoticons/asrifle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='asrifle.gif' /><!--endemo-->
If it's the former, no I didn't. If it's the latter, yea I did. I owe the guy that much.[...]<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I understand where you're coming from, so for the sake of those who don't understand why BK couldn't just keep his mouth shut about the whole episode, let me elaborate a little, because I would feel the same. If I make any wrong assumptions on your behalf, BK, I apologize.
See, surely he could just have kept quiet about the whole thing. Of course, his friend might have found out, making it all worse. Or he might not - but that wouldn't have meant that everything was okay. If I were in that situation, I would feel guilt, combined with an urge to tell my friend the truth. I wouldn't feel well about myself if I never told him. He would deserve to know the truth.
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->...I'm still of the opinion this isn't even mostly his fault...<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
So let's see here. We have one boyfriend who reacts badly to an unplanned, unexpected and, not completely unlikely, unwanted pregnancy. Then we have a pregnant girl, under a lot of emotional distress, in no small part due to the aforementioned pregnancy. Then we have this third guy whos idea of comforting his best friend's pregnant girlfriend is to have sex with her.
Who did you think should get the bigger share of the blame again?
Entierly his fault? No. Mostly? ...
Getting emotional about your boyfriend (potentially) leaving you over a pregnancy doesn't exclude you from blame if you sleep with someone.
At the very least, there are 3 people here, so 1/3 of the blame falls on BadKarma. However, I'd even say he is even LESS responsible than that, because he neither started this, nor was he the only one who could have stopped it.
[edit]
<!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->Who did you think should get the bigger share of the blame again?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
If the girl took her pill regularly, it's the guy's fault, because he should have known that, birth control or not, **** happens. Screaming his head off at her and leaving was the WORST thing he could have done in that situation. If she slipped up on that...I'd say they share it fifty-fifty, because she's really at fault, but the girl became distraught because the guy blew up on her for something that, again, he really should have prepared for (getting her pregnant even with birth control).